I recently found out that my husband was being texted by a girl I used to be friends with that he works with. (She had said several times that she was sexually interested in him to friends of mine years ago.) She is 12 years younger than him. I noticed on our phone bill that he had TONS of text messages on his cell. I asked him about it and he said it was this guy at work. I found out it was her by calling the number to see who it was because he was acting weird about it. For instance, I was playing solitaire on his phone while I waited for him in the car and he freaked out (angry)when he saw me playing with his phone. He had never done this before. I always play games on his phone. I started wondering what he was hiding and checked his voice mail right in front of him. I found out that she called him and told him to call her at such and such a number and was all giggly on the phone. He's lied about a lot of things lately and blows up when I confront him about them. I have 4 kids.
2007-02-14 13:58:08 · 13 answers · asked by Kristen H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He comes home later then he is scheduled. I texted her and asked her to please stop texting him and he told her not to talk to me about it. I found that out from a friend who also works with him. He told me that he never texted her and I found out that was a lie and confronted him about it. He blew up and got somewhat violent (indirectly, at furniture and stuff) when I told him he was a liar. He said this one day with a slip of the tongue "You haven't caught me either doing anything". Notice the word either. Thought that was a weird slip on his part.
Anyways, I have all this evidence that he has done something. It may be nothing as the evidence is circumstantial but his lies are driving me crazy. I am so angry. Any advice is appreciated. I just find everything is adding up to him being unfaithful or he's flirting. I just feel like I can't trust him anymore.
2007-02-14 14:06:31 · update #1
OK, this is really serious. You are right to be on guard here, because that is really unusual behaviour.
Confront him. Enough with all the accusations. Dont accuse him of all sort of stuff. Instead - have him swear that he is not cheating on you. And then have him explain to you what is going on. You now know some half-proven facts which could point to anything. Yes - I agree - Nothing regular about whats going on, But it might not be as serious as you think. After all, its normal to have flings, once in a marriage, there just have to be a limit to these kind of things, or they turn bad.
Once he admits to having the contact, and once he gives you some version of the truth, you will have to decide whether or not to believe it. Either way, you now have a starting point, that should take you beyond the blaming/accusations game.
You know have a version of the story that comes from him, and not your own mind. If his version is something like; shes just a friend, then demand that he officializes the whole thing by inviting her over, while your there. That is normal friend behaviour and should apply to her as well.
If she is less than that, demand that he lets you in on, what is going on. Allow him the contact, but demand that he lets you in on what is communicated. etc.
Be sure to give something for everything you take. And be sure to show thrust although you might not have any. Most men will behave stupid once they feel accused - especially wrongly accused.
AFTER ALL - if there REALLY isnt any trust left between you, I think you know where its leading...
2007-02-14 16:56:11 · answer #1 · answered by the_02r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to tell you, it sounds sketchy. If it was simply a guy getting only his ego stroked by the attention of a younger girl, which does happen, he would have told you the truth when you confronted him with the phonebill. His response of blowing up usually indicates that he is trying to place a smoke screen between himself and the real issue of honesty. At this point, forget about whether or not he is physically cheating, it sounds like he has reached a level of emotional intimacy with this woman that should more than concern you. I Would decide what kind of lines in the sand you are willing to draw that you can stand behind, i.e. "no more phone calls/text messages/emails and I keep passwords to all the three for three months or you sleep on the couch for three months." You just have to stick to whatever you say. The fact that you have four kids, whether they may be with him or not, should only factor into your next move in terms of what lessons you want to teach your sons and daughters, and what you would advise them to do in this situation. Trust me, there are many women who can sleep well at night and know they have cheating husbands. Some women can not. Part of this is deciding whether or not you can live with the way things are , and then, if you can, you have to stop checking and investigating, and set the ground rules. The beauty of this situation is that now the ball is fully in your court. Good luck with everything
2007-02-14 14:08:04 · answer #2 · answered by helper_for_life16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your gut... it is ALWAYS true and NEVER
lies to you.
He is being dishonest to you and you caught him in a lie. I am sure there are many more that you have not caught him in. He is cheating on you whether you admit it to yourself or not.
The only thing that would sound weird to me is if you didn't throw his sorry cheating *** out the door.
It does not matter how many kids you have, you need to raise them in a respectable home, this man can not teach your children respect if he does not have any for you or them. Leopards do not change their spots, it will only get worse because he knows you feel trapped with 4 kids and he will take advantage of that.
Dump him and get on with your life. Life is too short to spend with a lieing cheating husband.
I couldn't say this if I didn't have the experience.
2007-02-14 14:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by Smart Nurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right this is weird and this is not you at all. If it were me i would be very doubtful and suspicious about this. I would definitley check into it if i were you. Dont let this one just blow over. He is definitley hiding something and i feel he is probably being unfaithful to you and cheating. BIG red flag here and go with your gut instinct on this one. He blows up because he is mad and upset because you caught him. If need be take him on the Maury show and have him take a lie detector test and see if he passes it or not.
2007-02-14 14:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not weird it's stupid, you need to tell him to stop his sh_t or you're are taking him for half of everything he has and he'll be paying child support and spousal support for a long time. Then ask him if he gets the message? If he says he understands then you have set the course all he needs to do is follow it!
2007-02-14 14:49:12 · answer #5 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is all so sad, especially since you have kids together, but you know in your heart the truth...he is lying and has changed behaviors enough to know that he is messing around on you. You deserve someone that will respect you and your vows! Be strong and good luck
2007-02-14 14:23:40 · answer #6 · answered by Stacey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's acting guilty, if there's nothing physical going on between them already it's leading up to that point.
Sit down and talk to him, find out his reasoning for wanting attention from someone else and if there's a way to fix it. Talking to her is pointless, she already knows he's married with kids and doesn't care.
2007-02-14 14:02:29 · answer #7 · answered by gypse76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word song appears three times, which is not only repetitive but also logically cluttered. How about, with minimal change, the following: It was the unusual structure of "Jesus of Suburbia" that attracted me to the song to analyse for this essay.
2016-03-29 06:56:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where theres somke theres fire. Cut your losses. Get records of everything and go see an attorney. **** like this happens but how you respond to it keeps your sanity.
2007-02-14 14:02:30 · answer #9 · answered by csiders30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion he's cheating or going to that direction. There's no need to lie or being defensive over your questions if he's not being deceitful.
2007-02-14 14:02:20 · answer #10 · answered by Speck Schnuck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋