I've been good friends with this guy Jordan for about 3 years and we've been through a lot together.He stuck with me when I had no one and is someone who I can always count on.A year ago he moved overseas for 9 months because of a job and came back about 2 months ago.After he left I met this amazing guy who I've fallen head over heels for (I'm a girl).Since Jordan came back I've found out that my boyfriend and him not only know each other but that Jordan has done some really low and hurtful things to my boyfriend that had a big impact on his life.This was about 5 years ago but my boyfriend hasn't gotten past it.I hate feelings like I'm in the middle.I can't be mad at Jordan for something he did 5 years ago while at the same time I can't ignore what he's done to my boyfriend of 6 months.What do I do?
2007-02-14 13:38:17 · 6 answers · asked by solostwithoutyou 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It definately did happen and Jordan admitted as much.
2007-02-14 13:49:09 · update #1
Tough, tough situation... I don't know how old you are but here are some things to try. Talk to your boyfriend and make sure you understand what he says Jordan did to him. I say this because there are truly two sides to every story and I find that the truth always lies in the middle. That said, just talk to your boyfriend to get his perspective - no judging. Make sure he knows that you care for him and will support him - if that is in fact a true statement. If you are comfortable I would ask your boyfriend if there is anything he thinks he should do re: Jordan (listen, accept his apology, apologize, forgive, etc.) You might ask your boyfriend his expectations about what he would like for you to do. Remember, these are only his expectations... not what you should do, but it is good to know this information. I would tell your boyfriend that you want to talk to your old friend when he returns to understand what happened between them. (I always practice no surprises... so I think you should tell your boyfriend that you plan to talk to Jordan). Then, talk to Jordan. Get his side of the story - again, don't judge. Ask Jordan what he thinks you should do? Ask him if there is anything that he thinks he should do (like taok to Jordan, apologize, clear the air, etc.??) Again, this is just to get his expectations. Then, step away and think. Make a list of what you think. Then you make your decision and tell your boyfriend and Jordan your position and how you plan to maintain both relationships or let Jordan go, etc. All this said... if your boyfriend can't forgive and is carrying hurt and anger... this is a big red flag for your relationship. I don't know what Jordan did, but I can tell you that anger will kill you... it doesn't have to be your anger. The anger of your partner can do it. The fact that one carries stuff with him is an indication that he would behave the same in the future... Etc. There are a lot of assumptions in this response so you will need to adjust to meet your situation. I hope it helps.
2007-02-14 13:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Heidi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to choose between them and your boyfriend needs to grow up. Five years is a long time and they were probably quite young when it happened and young people do things that they wouldn't do as adults.
Did you ask Jordan about what your BF said he did? I would and then weigh the situation, depending on what Jordan supposedly did. Not sure if you already ask or not but how do you know this thing really happened? Could be that your BF is jealous of yours and Jordan's relationship. After all like I said sounds like your BF is a little immature.
2007-02-14 13:46:03 · answer #2 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't really a matter of loyalty. Since Jordan has admitted to these things, you need to be careful: That's just the kind of person he is, and will probably continue to be. You could be next to be on the receiving end of Jordan's bad behavior.
So if I were you, I would just cool off the relationship with Jordan. You don't have to tell him off, or "dump him" as a friend. Just spend your time with other people and he will likely drift off toward other interests.
2007-02-14 13:55:32 · answer #3 · answered by pondering_it_all 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would depend on how bad the things were if it is a really serious thing then I would take your bf's side but if it wasn't then you should try talking to your bf about it and trying to get him to forgive it. And if he isn't willing to forgive your bestfriend then i would choose your best friend. Hope this answer didn't confuse you even more.
2007-02-14 13:44:22 · answer #4 · answered by Tabatha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugly is as ugly does.
Jordon is a friend, you're in love with your boyfriend.
Tell them to work it out and stay out of it completely! Your new beau may be misleading you just to ward off any potential rivalry.
It's not your drama, so follow your heart.
2007-02-14 14:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My loyalty would lie in both of them. Arrange a meeting or something for them to make up and make their lives better. Simple but bold.
2007-02-14 13:45:39 · answer #6 · answered by Spectator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋