How to tell one of your parent how your really feel without having it blow up in your face?

Question

Well my mom want to know everthing that goes in my life. But im afraid of telling her becuase I dont know how she would react or who see would tell. these are very personal information i just dont want anyone to know about. Not her husband, friends, or family. i would like everything that I would say be very confidential and not repeated across the would. I also have another question do you agree with me?

Answer 1

I have that same problem. My mom was really controlling, and when I lived in her house, she'd always try to protect me from the world. Now that I'm in college, the separation helps because she's no longer breathing down my neck.

But if I tell her anything significant, like problems or issues I have, she'll still give me tons of unsolicited advice, tell everyone else she knows, and sometimes try to solve the problem for me by throwing her weight around. However, if I don't talk to her, she'll call me in a panic because she'll think I'm hurt.

So here's what I do: I still call almost every other night to let her know I'm okay. I tell her all the small silly things I've done or seen that day, like the one guy who falls asleep drooling in class, or going shoe shopping, or how good my coffee tasted that morning. You know, small talk. I avoid big things (being unprepared for a test) and negative things (so she doesn't worry), and since there's plenty of other things filling up the conversation, these don't even need to come up. This has worked for years, and she still hasn't caught on.

But if you DO want to share important things in your life with her, by all means make sure you tell her it's confidential, that you just need her to listen and not criticize or share with others. She sounds like she loves you a lot, and that's why she wants to know.

Good luck!

Answer 2

If you can't trust your mom, there's not a lot of people you can trust.
Make sure that, before you say anything to her, that you ask her to keep it all strictly confidential. It's completely normal to expect that you and your mom and keep things just between the both of you.
It's always better to tell somebody what's going on with you, regardless of how you think that person will react. It will eventually eat away at you, or she will find out anyway what you're hiding. Just be honest, you'll be glad that the issue got resolved than leaving it alone and keeping it to yourself. You'll respect yourself a lot more and the stress level will go down,since you're not handling the situation alone.
Your mom will be glad that you could confide in her also.
Good luck!

Answer 3

A lot depends on your age. If you are a minor, then your mother has a right to know just about everything that goes on in your life. Keeping secrets causes more questions and less trust, less trust means more questions, and on and on.

Be honest with your mother, tell her that you are fearful that everything you say is being shared with others in the family, and it bothers you very much, causing you to not want to talk about even the simplest things that you would be inclined to open up more if she would promise not to tell other people. Sometimes adults don't realize that repeating innocent stories embarrass children.

Answer 4

Well, because she is your mom , and I am sure she is concerned about you, then when she does ask you what is going on and how are things, you should tell her-----it doesnt mean you have to give her a complete run down of everything, but just fill her in enough to satisfy her. If she gets personal with you then just tell her due to it is personal then you dont feel comfortable discussing it with her at this time. You dont say how old you are---so that will make a difference on how you answer .

Answer 5

Are you able to tell her a censored version of your life? Meaning, you tell her what you do or who with, but maybe leave out some details. Don't share every little personal detail, but give her enough information so she knows what's going on in your life. Mom's love knowing what happens in their child's live no matter how small. I will mention something really insignificant to my Mom and she'll remember it weeks later and asked me how things turned out. Some Mom's are nosey, but most of the time they just care about you.

Answer 6

With a controlling parent, it's tricky. However, I would suggest that you not "tell" her your problem. Instead, you need to ask her advice on the situation. "Mum, I don't know what to do. I'm feeling really watched and controlled, blah, blah, blah. I feel you don't trust me. Do you think I'm trustworthy? I don't know if you're intending to do it, but that's how it's coming across, and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! What do you suggest!?"
That way the ball's in her court and she'll realise that if she doesn't give you a solution that is mutually beneficial, then she's gonna have a damaged relationship with her child.
Of course, if she wants to be in complete denial, then you need to remove yourself from her control (ONLY if you're old enough), establish some boundaries and control your tongue when you're around her.
ALWAYS use "I feel", "it seems to me" and "that's how it comes across to me" statements. When you start saying "you, you, you" then people immediately get on the defensive.
Good luck.
Here's a link to advice given to a similar situation.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

I used to have the opposite problem, I told my mom everything and she told me that she rather I didnt! I think that your mom just wants you to know that shes okay with you telling her things so you dont leave her out of your life. You can tell her everything you want to, and if you want to keep some things to yourself, thats fine too. She will just think she knows everything. It also sounds like maybe you think that she cant keep a secret anyway, so the things that you dont want her or anyone else to know should be kept to yourself. Just tell her "what she wants to hear" and hopefully she'll be happy with the fact that you communicate with her and so she feels like she's a part of your life.

Answer 9

If you don't know if you trust her, tell her some things but not all. She if she repeats it to anyone. If she does then you know that not everything is going to be shared, if she doesn't then open up to her and tell her what she wants to know.

Answer 10

If you really need help at some point in your life, tell someone. However, if you believe you can't trust her, then keep most things to yourself. Again, however, if you ever really, really need help and support, tell someone.