What to do? Husband job issues...?

Question

I'm a French teacher, my husband's a sports writer. We just bought a house last year near both of our jobs. I like my job a lot and it pays well (for a teacher anyway). I love where we live both because we've done a lot of work on our house and I like it a lot AND because we live near where we grew up (so lots of friends and family nearby). My husband HATES his job. The problem is, we both have fairly specific job fields and his tends to have very few openings. He's currently applying for a new sports writing job in other cities, but I don't want to move across the country b/c I like my job (who knows if I'd find another full time French job somewhere else) and where we are (we want to have kids soon and when we do, I want my mom nearby). On the otherhand, I hate feeling like I'm holding him back (which he never would say that I am, but I'm his reason for staying where he is... so I AM!)! Suggestions on what to do? I don't want to leave, but I hate seeing him so unhappy!!

Answer 1

I went through this with my husband. Finally I agreed to move across the country with him away from every body that meant anything to me. It has actually been good for me in a lot of ways even though I really miss my family and friends. Where I live I have a much nicer house and the schools are awesome. I had to either go or live with an unhappy husband or perhaps having it eventually lead to a break up so I did it. One thing before we left that we both agreed on was we would give it a year and see how we felt after and if this was the right decision. We have now been here over two years and it has turned out to be good. The only bad thing is I know that my husband never will be totally content, he is always looking for other jobs but for now we have agreed to stay where we are. Good luck with your decision.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I think you two need to talk this out more. I gather here that you are afraid to move because of 'you' not finding a good job as a French teacher. But, this is about your husband's feelings, not yours. Your husband is unhappy with his job that you are just worried about your job instead of his happiness. He is miserable because of the location and because of little work. So, why not put more trust in your husband by moving to another location?

If you are so concerned about your family and friends not being so close, then all they have to do is go and visit you guys at your 'new' place. Right now, your family is your husband and he should be the leader and you the co-pilot. Your mother will have to come and visit you too!

You have to sacrifice in order to make each other happy. Right now, your husband is not happy with his job situation. So, please stop making it harder for him by holding him back from him wanting to make a difference by moving so he can look for a better and steady job and so he can make the money that he long for to support you and him. If you feel that you are holding him back, then stop that from happening.

The question to you is, would you rather stay where you are and see your husband unhappy with his job and don't care about how he feels and just ignore his feelings? Or, are you going to let your husband start doing what it takes and go after the job that 'he wants' so he can support you both and make both of you happy?

I hope this helps you because, you really need to let him lead. (smile)

Answer 4

At one time or another, I think we have all hated our jobs.

Why does your husband hate his job? Is it the atmosphere? Is it the writing? Sports teams? What will he do if he finds another job 1000 miles away and you move and he finds he hates that one too? The real crux of the issue here is the WHY. Maybe hubby needs to take some time off from being a sports writer?

You won't be holding him back. In this day and age, he could conceivably work from nearly anywhere.

Why give up all your dreams and hopes just because hubby isn't happy at this job? Let him work out his angst concerning the job. The search for new employment may be enough to spark his self esteem and joy for his work. Sometimes we just need to know that we are appreciated at the office.

I would encourage him to talk about the WHYs - and explore other options before picking up and moving. You can't run from your problems, they follow you.

Answer 5

I understand you may feel his job is destroying your relationship but it was sorta wrong to ask him to quit. Jobs are extremly hard to come by these days so I'm sure he doesn't want to just up and quit. As a spouse, you have be supportive. Of course, tell him how you feel and explain you think it would help if he got another job but don't tell him to quit. Let him make that decision on his own. Otherwise, if he does quit and then can't find a new job or doesn't like his new job then he's going to blame you.

Answer 6

I'd let him look elsewhere but let him know right now exactly how far you are willing to move. Do you want to be more than an hour or two away from your family and friends? If not, tell him he needs to keep his job search close to home. Would he be willing to commute from your current home to his new job? Unless he is offered a job that pays a significant amount more, I would not move just because he doesn't like his job. No one really likes their job. It is alla bout bringing home enough money to pay the bills.

Answer 7

WOW thats a big decision... DO what you feel is right and sit down and talk to him tell him you feel like your holding him back even though he doesn't say it.. You may be surprised at the response.. If his mind is set on moving then you have a choice to make.. Only you can make it hun.. Good luck

Answer 8

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Answer 9

If your husband is not happy at his job, good chance he won't be happy at home meaning you won't be happy either. Tough choice!! I say pray about it. Don't be afraid to venture out. If you don't have each other what do you have? You would have an empty house.

Answer 10

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