I know my boyfriend loves me. BUT he does not buy things for valentines' day, christmas, etc. For my bday, he said some of the best things you'd ever want to hear from someone: how much he loved me, how much it meant that I was in his life, etc. I'm not looking for a ring, a proposal--not in the least. But is it shallow of me to want some sort of physical representation of his professed caring? A flower? A card? Is it asking too much of him to just "humor" me and mark these occasions with something in addition to his words? Or am I being childish?
2007-02-14 13:11:51 · 9 answers · asked by colbertcm61 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
He isn't a cheapskate, and I don't think he is testing me. We have a lot of the same philosophical background and ideas about life, so these don't come into play...may be another reason why I kinda feel so foolish: we've discussed how easy it is to get lured into "buying into" commercialism--and I still believe my stance on that issue--but I still want the stuff! So.....?
2007-02-14 13:18:31 · update #1
good point Jesse...could you expand on what you mean that I'm asking him to lie to me?
2007-02-14 13:20:03 · update #2
I lost a great relationship because of behavior like this. I think
you should tell him Its important to feel needed and wanted.
Think of communicating, thats the best way.
2007-02-14 13:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by thresher 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Right or wrong, some guys just don`t. You can change what you value but you will have a hard time changing what he values. Now that you know it, you need to decide if it`s a big enough deal to make the big switch. IMO this is why more than half the couples living together in the USA are not married. If you have mentionned it to him once, drop it. The second time he might interpret it as nagging. If you want a little relativety hear this. Since we attract exactly what we focus on, how is it that you attracted one with this particular feature. On the other hand, if it piles up on you and you start to be disatisfied, drop those thoughts of disatisfaction since that will only attract more of the same, and start a new list of desires which starts like ....I would like to attract into my life a person with these qualities..XXXXXXX.
What you want is what you want and what he wants is what he wants. To expect him to want what you want at this time is not only childish but dangerous. Furthermore the one with all the qualities that you desire is within reach, but remember that if you give energy to what you don`t want, you will attract exactly that.
2007-02-14 22:46:50 · answer #2 · answered by canron4peace 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what I learned to do in these situations, is buy myself something that I want and mark it from him.
I know that what you want is the thought and caring it would take for someone to go out and take the time to choose something just for you.
I don't know your boyfriend, but I can guarantee that his family does not do the card/gift thing. He has not been 'role modeled' into these behaviours.
Feeling that I am being humoured infuriates me. It insults my intelligence and hurts badly.
Perhaps share your feelings with him, rather than your wants, and ask him to respond in the same way. This is a very effective way of becoming closer.
2007-02-14 23:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by concernedjean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know there is a book about 5 types of ways to show love and affection.
I think its-
time/ attention
gifts
actions
expression
physical contact.
most people are a combo, but everyone desires one more than others.
I'm mostly action (doing nice little things just because). Im also very physical. Caused a lot of problems when I dated a girl who desired a lot of expression. See what i mean?
maybe hes an expresser and youre a gifter.
OH! Its the 5 love languages (Just thought of it)
2007-02-14 21:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by AgentZero 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never ask to be humoured.....after all. You're asking him to lie to you.
I mean, you'd be creating this expectation. It's obvious you want a more overt display of affection. Just remember, however it's expressed, the sentiment really is all that matters. A genuine, un-encouraged, spontaneous gesture is worth more than all the tulips in Holland! That's what we're all after really. And a card, no matter how much meaning you attach to it, is just that. It's not being shallow at all...but it is seeing the world in a way that not everybody can understand.
2007-02-14 21:17:35 · answer #5 · answered by Tree of Jesse 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you
sometimes a gal needs to be Romanced even though the guy shows he cares by the other little things he does
To on purpose not give a gal a romantic gesture is a blatant disregard to your wants and needs and borders on emotional/mental cruelty
( heard Dr Phil tell a gal this on one of his shows)
2007-02-14 21:22:44 · answer #6 · answered by Mopar Muscle Gal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bought my wife flowers [ yellow roses] after we were married a few months. She hadn't had that happen before, so she was all "why". We haven't exchanged gifts in years since. Been married 21 years. I want the stuff too! That's the way I grew up.
have a *hug*
2007-02-14 21:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by jay K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The joy is the giving, but he may be testing you. Or, he is a cheapskate.
2007-02-14 21:15:46 · answer #8 · answered by Sophist 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The question is "how does it AFFECT you"; an "EFFECT" is the result of what he does...
Why don't you ASK him?
2007-02-14 21:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by superbird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋