OK i am having even more trouble with my book.
which begining sounds better to you?
"In the middle of the night, The people in a small village woke to the sound of metal clanging against metal, and a woman’s cries of pain.
As the people in the village stepped out of their houses curious as to what was happening the trees nearest the village from a forest burst into flames. Some people walked out into the street staring at the flames, while others ran inside to call for help. But as quickly as the mysterious fire came it disappeared."
or
"In the Middle of the night in a forest clearing. Just visible by the moon light were two people fighting, the sound of metal hitting metal echoed throughout the neighboring village as the man blocked an attack from the woman he was fighting."
Thanks for the help!
P.S. should i say what village it is?
2007-02-14 13:06:01 · 12 answers · asked by Bobby 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
The first one. I don't think you should say the name yet. Always keep the reader guessing. Do you like the beginning of my book?
"I am a celestial body, wishing to be suspended in the sky. I am the snatches of whisper snaking through the trees. I am the world, listening to your heartbeat. I am your worst nightmare; your most coveted dream."
2007-02-14 13:12:09 · answer #1 · answered by moonfreak♦ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the flow of the first example better. I'll give you some hopefully constructive ideas, but ultimately it is your book.
In the middle of the night, the village woke to the sound of metal clanging on metal, accompanied by a woman's cries of pain.
People of the village stepped out of their homes, curious. The trees nearest the village burst into flames, but mysteriously, disappeared just as quickly.
2007-02-14 21:25:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anna Hennings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How's this:
During the middle of the night, village people were awaken by the sound of clanging metal and a woman's painful cries. As they left the safety of their homes to investigate, there eyes were immediately drawn to the nearby forest. As they watched in horror, flames appeared and disappeared intermittently.
2007-02-14 21:15:36 · answer #3 · answered by likris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is hard to answer since I know absolutely nothing about what this story is about. But, I like the first beginning best. It is more descriptive and flows better. I don't think you need to say the name of the village as long as you say it later in the book. Hope that helps! Good Luck!
2007-02-14 21:09:48 · answer #4 · answered by Pooky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to agree with some of the others i like the first one it draws you in so that you want to know more about it you do not have to name the village as of yet but dont forget to let people know the era (year) that you are writting about it it will help with getting a feel for the village
2007-02-14 21:16:01 · answer #5 · answered by bakeryartist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help with sating what village it is, brings a little fmailiarity . Plus Number 1 would be the best, has very vivid details, really pulled me into what you were writing.
Keep me informed on this book.
2007-02-14 21:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by Kevin D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first one is good...as far as the village, it sounds good the way it is now.
2007-02-14 21:10:44 · answer #7 · answered by ~dreamvette~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THE FIRST ONE, SAY WHICH VILLAGE, AND CAN I READ IT WHEN IT'S DONE? SOUNDS GOOD!! (sorry about the caps)
2007-02-14 21:09:17 · answer #8 · answered by hglkhfdkjghds 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first one's more descriptive, and it has more of a hook that would draw a reader in.
2007-02-14 21:09:14 · answer #9 · answered by That one guy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, ur avatar is ADORABLE!!!! (=(o)* Anyway, i like the FIRST one more, maybe introduce the village later...
Good Luck!
2007-02-14 21:10:49 · answer #10 · answered by Tigers Gal! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋