He is extremely masculine and no one would have ever suspected. Something just didn't seem right. After consistently pushing the question, he finally told me in detail. He was drunk and ashamed. I forgave him, but I no longer trust him. I am understanding, but people need to be honest. Can men just mess around to get off, regardless of who it's with?
2007-02-14 12:40:29 · 59 answers · asked by Cha Cha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
cheating is cheating
2007-02-14 12:42:50 · answer #1 · answered by hiding1959 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh for Pete's sake some of the answers here really suck ... My two cents on this is ....
You may have a bisexually curious male on your hands who through the talons of drink lost his inhibitions and checked it out.
I firmly believe that he is ashamed of what he did as it is against his normal masculine behavior. Only he can tell you if he will ever do it again. If it was not a good experience for him I doubt he will.
Yes I agree with you that people need to be honest. People also need to control their drinking . To answer your question yes men can just mess around to get off .. Boys will be Boys as the old saying goes ...lol
I would not even be worried about this incident as it sounds like a one off sort of thing ...other then for insisting that both of you be tested for STD's as one never knows what another is carrying ...
What I would be worried about is his drinking problem which led to this happening .. THAT I would look into before continuing the relationship ...
I do wish you both the best ... give him a second chance
2007-02-14 13:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he slept with a man then I think it's safe to assume that he's a homosexual. Most men who get drunk don't normally sleep with other men, that would be the last thing on their mind. So the fact that he did that is suspicious. Break the engagement off, he may only be marrying to save face, if so, then it's only a matter of time before he comes out of the closet and divorces you. Let him go. Accident or not, once a cheater always a cheater. What were he and his best friend doing to even get into the situation that they would be able to sleep together? After someone has cheated on you it is up to your discretion whether you take them back or not, but you're not even married and it already happened. Unless he's stopped drinking I wouldn't take him back, I wouldn't take him back for the simple fact that he let something like alcohol dictate his actions. So good luck hon!
2007-02-14 12:47:52 · answer #3 · answered by April 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you need to address the idea that if it really was only a "physical" thing and the result of being drunk, then whether it was a man or woman, he cheated and in a questionable way. I would look at his track record in prior relationships to know if this has been an issue before, of honesty. Then, in terms of the fact that it was a man, I refer you back to the fidelity thing. If you believe he can be faithful to you and you're getting married for life, then you're golden, and he may have been "bi-curious" and wanted to know before the wedding. I'd keep an eye on him before the wedding though, because if it was a good experience to him, he may be the one to decide to be honest and break it off. It's a trust thing - do you want someone who can get drunk and mess around with someone else, regardless of gender? Like I Said, review his track record, be supportive so he feels like he can come to you if he decides he wants his primary relationship to be with a male, and get yourself in some counseling, because cheating alone takes a hit to you, your feminity, your ability to please him, in every way.... and you are going to need some support yourself. Good luck with everything -
2007-02-14 13:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by helper_for_life16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you were truely understanding then you would understand that your fiance is in the closet. He is gay weather he can admit it or not. I'm not saying that he couldn't be bi, but he has to be into men in order to be able to be with one. There is no way around that.
I don't doubt that you love each other, but what ever you do, do not get married to him. Believe me, you will both only end up hurt if you do. You need to leave him. That doesn't mean you have to abandon him. If you can find it with within your heart to continue being friends with him, you will have given him the most important gift he will ever recieve. But whatever you do, don't expect that things can ever be the same again. Do yourself a favor and move on. Eventually you will find a straight man who loves you and respects you enough not to cheat on you.
Good Luck!
2007-02-14 12:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I don't think this is the first time that he's slept with a guy. And secondly, I guarantee you he knew what he was doing. Because even if he was drunk, he would still be able to tell that something wasn't right. I mean, IF he's straight, I would think he would have noticed if he was messing around with someone who also had something hanging between their legs... but that's just me...
2007-02-14 12:45:35 · answer #6 · answered by Miranda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy Cow! U gotta be kidding me.
Oh my, i would say he has had these thoughts for alot longer than just that one night. He has homo tendancies and acted on them. I would predict it will happen again. If it was a female, it would be different.
But, because it was another male, i honestly dont see this being a one time thing.
Sorry to say it. But, just my opinion. I work at a prison, and talk to inmates daily. I guess u could say i have a pretty good perception on these things.
I feel for ya hun. I dont think he can be trusted.
2007-02-14 12:48:00 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.... you have the wrong approach. The question is do you love your fiance as who he is, with all his good and bad sides, or do you love a romantic picture of him... an ideal.. and hope you don't discover the truth. Loving someone means loving him how they are... let them be who they are with all good and bad sides. Letting go and simply love him as who he is, you'll find will bind him to you even stronger than any controlling and demands you ever bring up.
He'll trust you and tell you anything if he doesnt fear that he'll face repercussions... at the end we are who we are, women and men.
Loving someone means giving the person everything to maximize their life even if it is negative for you. If he loves you he won't take this freedom if he sees that it hurts you.
By the way women are NOT any better than men.
2007-02-14 12:47:15 · answer #8 · answered by jessicavollbio 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i believe he may have done this same thing before, how could u ever want to be with him again in an intimate way? men can do anything they want, as well as women. has alot to do with his character, and his choices. don't fall for him telling u he is ashamed, seems this is all about his feelings, and he says nothing about remorse, or acknowledgment he has hurt u, all revolves around his shame, being drunk is no excuse. personally i would not want to sleep with him again, seems he can't make up his mind if he loves women or men. just couldn't go back into this and feel good about it. not to mention he is having relations with strange men and could bring diseases back to u.
2007-02-14 12:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off you just gave him a license to cheat because once a guy cheat with whomever and gets away with it, soon enough he will do it again. And when he gets drunk again he will ask for forgiveness. Need to tell him like it is and move on. AND remember just because he's druck and look pathetic hey it doesn't gie him a right to fool you.
2007-02-14 12:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It signifies that you're sexually in contact on your workmate. it might want to no longer be something that you'll help, even though it might want to finally end up being very hurtful on your "clueless" fiance. Being in contact in human beings is area of lifestyles. almost having sex with them once you're engaged to somebody else isn't. till you're in an open relationship (and it appears like you at the on the spot are not because your fiance is so "cluelss" and "unsuspecting") then you opt to go back to a decision no matter if you must chase a lustful fantasy with an "ego-tripping male buddy" or no matter if you must be with the guy you adore. imagine about how a lot you're hurting him with the help of your body of innovations in the direction of him. might want to you want it if he no longer in elementary words had those sexual innovations about easily one of his acquaintances -- yet to boot went on-line and defined you to a collection of strangers as "unsuspecting" and "clueless"? both be honest with him about your habit or wrestle this charm and concentrate on your fiance and what you want out of marriage. those are not "stupid issues," they're severe. you're conversing about a persons' coronary heart the following.
2016-11-03 11:44:08 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋