Is saving my marriage possible?

Question

I love my wife more than life it's self. but she recently came to me and told me that she has been cheating on me. she explained that due to some things that have happened to her in the past that she is in-capable of commitment (my next question was why did you marry me if you knew that). but she did marry me and I am still head over heals in love with her. Now 4 children later she decides that she doesn't love me and she is going to cheat one me.

I have been married twice before, both of those marriages also ended up in me being cheated on. but in both of those marriages I was able to walk away as soon as I found out they were cheating. but with this one I can't, I tried. I love her too much. now for the worst part. she agreed to stay with me and go to councelling and try to work it out. but she told me that even if we do stay togather she CAN NOT promise me that she won't cheat again. I love her enough to over look the first time, and I love her so much that I am...

willing to chance it happening again. does anyone think that there is anyway that my marriage will survive. I love her so much. I can't stand to lose her. and I also just imagine what it will do to my children. PLEASE HELP ME.

April - I only wish it was a joke

Emkay - if i knew why it kept happening I would do something to change it.

Answer 1

you love the "idea" of your wife. unfortunatly, you don't know her well enough to love her. your better than that. she has ****

Answer 2

IT is just incredible that people can be so selfish as to play around on a marriage when there are 4 children involved. If this marriage is going to be saved it is my unprofessional opinion. (meaning I am not an councelor by education) There is something in your behavior that allows women to walk over you. You say this has happened twice before. You do not deserve this and I think it is ridiculous that people do not get a divorce first then go date. My suggestion to you is to really get some help for you, so you don't pick out this kind of woman again. What is it you are attracted to, that is not good for you?. Or how is it that you invite this kind of horrible behavior? Are you the child of an alcholic. I am and I know I am damaged in many ways. But I loved my first husband the same way you say you love your wife. I have been told that is holding one to too high a standard. You should love your wife but not more than God, not more than life itself. Sometimes we can love too much and it can be smothering . The result is the people we love run. They may not even know why they are running. I say- try to save the marriage. Find a counselor who believes that marriages can be saved and if it doesn't work out take care of the kids and I mean get custody... She is not fit to be a mother in my opinion or a parent. Unless she is just temporarily confused and it does not sound like that is the case in this situation. My heart reaches out to you. And I hope you make sure your children learn what is right and what is wrong so history doesn't repeat itself. In fact one brilliant young lady from Sudan said, " History does not repeat itself, People do. "

Answer 3

You need to seek the Lord on this one. Only God can save your marriage. Pray and ask Him to work a miracle in your marriage. You must forgive your wife, which I am sure you are willing to do, and focus on yourself and your relationship with God Almighty. Seek counsel from a good Christian church in your community. I know how you feel. Over five years ago my husband did this and I could not imagine my life without him. All I could think of was the kids too. It was a very humbling experience and I had to really do some deep self searching. I had a lot of support and prayers from my home church and that is the only way I got through. Five years later we are very happily married and our relationship is stronger than ever. This is a real story and I know that God allowed it to happen in our lives for a reason so that we may be able to help others who are going through the same. Have faith and trust in the Lord and he will help you through. He is your only hope. He gives hope when all else fails. He did it for me and He can do it for you if you let Him. I pray that things will work out for you and that God will change your wife's heart.

Answer 4

I feel bad for you and think you're being honest. The trouble is that she has already decided that marriage is not sacred. It isn't about being in love or not, it's about being committed no matter what. True love is not "in love". It's caring about someone so deeply that you think there is no one in the world who can love that person better than you can. If she gets back with you, it's not because she plans to love you, but that she plans to be loved by you, and that just might be enough for her to hold out a little longer. I know how much this hurts. My wife cheated then left me. And we share 2 kids. I tried everything and forgave everything, but 2 years later and I realize that she's never going to change. You can't change people, even if you love them perfectly, you just can't change people like that. It's sad, and it still hurts at times for me. But I think I learned something valuable.

Answer 5

I am sorry that this has happened to you. I think there is a possibility that counseling could help and I also believe that since she has admitted this to you she knows she has a problem and did care enough to explain it to you. I do not agree with her choices or behavior though. I think you need to go to counseling asap and that you both need to talk about why she is cheating in the first place. Ask her what she truly believes the problem is, and ask her why she feels she cannot truly commit to you. I think you also need to ask her why she just told you that she cannot promise she will not cheat, such as does she already have someone else in mind she wants a fling with? I think she needs to think of her children and what she is saying to you. She is being quite selfish. I know you want things to work out but I also think you should be thinking of yourself and your kids. This cheating is going to cause problems for all, elaborate on this for a moment. The relationship will become unhealthy for everyone involved.

Answer 6

I suggest the first thing the two of you do is find a marriage counselor to talk to about this and what is going on in the marriage. You really need to work on this marriage so that it does not end up like your previous marriages did. Why does she feel she does not love you anymore here? I wonder what her side of the story is.

Answer 7

I feel bad for you... I know you love her but you cannot have a marriage unless you both love each other. She does not seem that she wants to be with you or else she would tell you she would stop cheating. If this has happened before in other relationships you must be doing something that is causing them to lose feelings for you, or you might not be picking the right women.

Answer 8

I'm married and I'm also wife #2. My husband and I...Well, we've had some serious ups and downs. There are a lot of things (insecurities and fears) that I have to deal with. Most of these insecurities and fears stem from a previous relationship...baggage, per say. If you feel like your problems stem from baggage, try to work on that. Counseling is a good place to start!

Answer 9

"I love her too much. now for the worst part. she agreed to stay with me and go to councelling and try to work it out. but she told me that even if we do stay togather she CAN NOT promise me that she won't cheat again. I love her enough to over look the first time, and I love her so much that I am... "

This phrase caught my attention because she said SHE CAN'T PROMISE SHE WON'T CHEAT AGAIN. I don't think your marriage will survive because I don't see a real wil and a real commitment from her to save it. Because of this phrase of I don't promise it I see she does not care too much, you're the only one REALLY INTERESTED there. She blames to her psychological problems and this seem to me like she is not willing to assume her responsabilities and save her marriage.
Counseling is worthless in this case because she does not care too much.
I know you love her but first of all you must love and respect yourself and you must know that you deserve someone who really appreciate, respect and above all LOVE YOU.
And about your kids I think if you accept this attitude of her and you accept her back you're practically accepting to be cheated on do you think this is a good thing to teach to your kids?? They will see as a normal thing cheat and be cheated on...

Answer 10

Well if she will go to consueling with you then maybe there is a good chance things will work out. Just remember she has told you she cannot promose you she would not cheat again. You are one hell of a good person, because I surely would not give someone a 2nd chance if they cheated on me

Answer 11

kick her to the curb she really doesnt love u if she said that she was going to to cheat on u again
why be hurting when u can find a another women that can treat u right and u can be happy.
i have received good advice from a really good friend
u can not change a person to love u the kids will be much happier when the parents are happy if ur not happy the children are not happy.
are u going to over look if she cheats on u 100 times
when is the breaking point
good luck!!!