pregnant...but bf doesnt love me!?

Question

what should i do?
my ex bf is the dad. he lives 3 hours away now. we talk pretty much everyday and he loooooves to talk about our baby and we are both very excited about having it. we picked names, talked about everything-baby.
the thing: whenever i say "i love you" he never says it back, he sent me flowers for Valentines day but the card just said "happy v-day". he refuses to talk about "us" and is more comfortable talking about us with baby. i am planning to move down there, but it doesnt seem like he has any plans of us being a couple again or of even saying "i love you" anytime soon...we were together for 3 years..can soemone please help me figure this out? serious answers only please

for the person who wrote "go back t school, get a decent job" : i have one university degree and am woking on my second degree..i am in school and do have a good paying job thank you

Answer 1

ok, i believe that deep down he is only still being friendly and talking to you because of this unborn child. i have no doubt that he will leave you alone with this child. when this child is born he wants the atmosphere to be as normal as possible. so, you just need to talk to him about you two. you need to make him listen to everything you have to say about what you want. then, ask him how he feels and what he wants. you are very lucky to have a guy that still wants to be invested in your life and your unborn child's life. so, just when you talk to him don't jeoproadize what you two already have. because that should be very special to you. if he says that he doesn't love you anymore and doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. then, just try to accept that for the fact of your child.

Answer 2

I would second guess moving close to someone who appears to be sending clear signals that he is interested in the baby, but not necessarily in you. There has to be a reason why your boyfriend is now your 'ex'. I don't get the impression that you are fooling yourself into believing that this guy wants more than a friendly relationship with you. If that is the case, good for you! Don't set your heart up to be broken. Accept that the interest he is showing now is simply in the baby, and that's fine. The true test of that devotion will come out once the baby is born. In the meantime, move on with your life. Focus on you and what you need to do for you and your baby. It seems clear to me that he doesn't think of you as a couple any longer and you have much too much going for you to waste your life waiting for him to make up his mind. Just because you now have a child together does not mean that you are obligated to get back with him. If he gets the idea that what he does or doesn't do effects you emotionally--he will have control of you. That is NOT a good thing. Another person should never hold the strings to your heart and mind (and if they do, you definately do not let them know it when you are unclear on their intentions).

If you want to get a concrete resolution--sit him down and TALK to him. Ask him what his intentions are. You know him, you'll be able to tell if he's feeding you a line. Keep your wits about you and listen. What he says will help you to make the right decision for you.

Answer 3

You aren't looking very far ahead in your future, are you... good luck on this one, hon... You're an idiot.... Babiesssss are not bonding, they are divisive... ever hear of BC pills???easy and safe, where were you --- trying to trap some guy??? It ain't working, is it? And it won't ever....

And wait till the kid comes ---you nursing, s(h)it in the bed, vomit all over everywhere, colic for no reason that goes on for days, fussiness, 2 am feedings, and you both have to get up the next morning.....and your relationship now crowded with a selfish child that screams when its needs are not met... Oh good. Happy v day.... This is what he sent you... oh, lovely. Probably shakes your hand too....This IS a serious answer.

If you are together at the end of 2 years, living under the same roof instead of 3 hours away, congrats. If you EVER live together, congrats.... If he isn't living with you now, he won't ever!!!!!! and as my moma said: "make me a mother in law before you make me a grandmother".


More from my mom:

1. The person you marry is the most important decision you will ever make. Choose wisely
2. Never have children you yourself cannot support in a style you wish to become accustomed to.
3. Finish your schooling. A marriage license is not a life time meal ticket. It is likely you will work sometime during your life, maybe for decades.... get paid for it.
4. Don't have children until your marriage is strong, and can take the trauma of children... They can break anything
5. Have a stash of cash that no one knows about, even if you know you will never need it.... you will, and the more the better.

Thank you mom I love you for that conversation we had.

Best of luck, sweetie.... you'll need it.

Answer 4

I would love to know how old you are....can you add that in your question?

Your relationship is clearly not mature enough YET to withstand all the troubles and hardships that may come with having a child. Notice I said "yet." :) There IS hope. But it sounds like he is still immature and probably has no idea what he really wants.

Here is my advice to you: Keep trying with your relationship with him, to a point. Be honest and open. ASK him straight up how he feels and what his thoughts and plans for you and the baby are. Does he WANT you to move there, or did you just decide to? If he isn't emphatic about you moving there, and you have family where you are now, STAY HOME! Family members are amazing help when it comes to being a single mom...


The bottom line is, plan your future for you and your baby. Plan your future assuming he won't be around. In other words, stay strong, and do what you need to do to be a strong mother who provides for her child and love that baby more than anything. Make a plan, (i.e. job, housing, school, etc.) and stick to it!

And if your ex ends up becoming a part of that plan, then even better!! But in case he bails, be prepared to take care of yourself and your child!

stay strong...

Answer 5

you seem to be a pretty intelligent and educated person----have the two of you taken any time to set down and discuss what your plans may be for the future? Maybe he is ready to be a dad but not ready to be a husband. Maybe he is afraid to commit except to the baby right now----these are things the two of you need to discuss so you at least you have an idea as to where the two of you stand. Maybe he doesnt want to "rush" things for several reasons-good or bad. Maybe he feels he's not making enough money to support the two of you-who knows. Just take the time to talk to each other. i would NOT move down where he is and give up a good or decent paying job until you have discussed things.

Answer 6

You are better off ending the romance part now and remaining on good terms so you can both put the child first. The child will be happiest with parents that are kind to each other and can present a united front - regardless of whether they're "together" or apart.

Don't try to make a doomed relationship work. If you force a relationship for the sake of the baby - it will end up turning bitter and ugly when you two finally split. Then it will be next to impossible to be civil with each other and the child is the biggest loser.

Answer 7

GIve him time. Maybe he is seeing someone at the moment and cant tell u his feelings if he cares about u. I am sure he does to a point, but just because he talks to u, doesnt honestly mean he still loves u.
He can be interested in the baby and loves to talk to u about it as u r the mother of his baby. But, this doesnt mean he plans on being with u. I would play it by ear. Once the baby is born, see how things go. Dont stop telling him u love him. If thats how u truly feel, then its important that u relay that to him. U may not have another chance afterall.
Its amazing how things can come about with the birth of a baby. I am hoping that my relationship will resolve itself once mine gets here too. However, i am not hinging everything on it. I date other men right now. I am seven months pregnant, and not looking for a lover, but i refuse to sit at home and sulk when i dont have to and men are still finding me attractive and asking me out.
Why should i wait on my babies daddy to make up his mind what he wants? He will realize it or he wont. Same as yours.
Dont wait around on him hun. Dont be one of those gals who spends the rest of her life wishing he would see what hes missing out on. He may, but he may never as well.
Just do ur thang until u move. Dont wait for him. Have some fun.
After the baby is born, re-evaluate the situation.....your thoughts will change too, as u have something else to think about besides the bf. Your baby will become the most important thing in your life.
Take your time, dont rush.
Good luck hun. What is meant to be, will be. Till then, dont sulk. Get out and enjoy yourself. :)

Answer 8

You need to talk person to person with him and see what his feelings really are towards you. If he just sees you as the mother of his baby and nothing more it won't work out. It sounds like he is very happy to be a dad but he doesn't want the whole package. I think I would stay put if I were you and let him decide if he is going to move closer to be near the baby. Don't make alot of sacrifices for a guy who isn't being clear about the nature of your relationship.

Answer 9

first before i say anything, consider why are you really moving. is it the best for the baby or is it best for you. Because it sounds to me that he loves the baby, which is wonderful. but he doesn't love you. you need to think about what is best for that baby. If he was still in love with you he would be moving to you, not the other way around. Your first and only concern should be that baby. You need to except the fact that you and he are not going to be anything except the parents of your baby, and maybe good friends. if there was no ring in that card or in those flowers, because honestly hunny, after 3 years and a baby if there's no ring or i love yous...i hate to say it but the best thing you can hope for being good friends. good luck..oh and read he's just not that into you..i did, it helped me i got rid of my ex and i am now happliy married.

Answer 10

WOW! Baby aside....you can't try to make someone love you. I tried that once and it just is too tiring. I'm sure that you would love to have the perfect little family, but be honest with yourself. If you truly do not believe that he loves you, don't move to be with him. This baby is #1 for you right now. You stay put where your family is. They love you unconditionally. They will stick by you. What if you move with the father and then he decides that he's going to start dating someone else? Then you will be away from your family and alone with a baby. Babies are so precious (I have three). You need to be in an environment where baby is first priority. It is rough taking care of a baby. You need your family with you. The bottom line....let daddy be part of the babies life, but start your own life and eventually your Mr. Right will come along and then you can start the perfect life that you are trying so hard to make right now.

Answer 11

Yet another classic example of two people meeting, having sex, getting pregnant, then questioning whether or not they actually love each other after 3 years. Notice how MARRIAGE was never brought up once in this person's question. You want serious answers only? Here's one: Ask your "boyfriend" why you don't have a ring on your finger? That unless he plans on asking you marry him, then he can plan on paying you child support! Then move back in with your parents so that hopefully your child will have at least 1 or 2 positive role models in his or her life, go back to school, get a decent job, and do your best to take care of your baby. I would forget about dating for a while. Clearly your choice in men is terrible!