I can't get my boyfriend/father of my child to commit, what should i do?

Question

i have been with him for 5 years on and off, and when i had my son who is now 1 year old, i moved into his moms house with him, but left to my parents house because he wasnt doing anythin for us, as a family, such as looking for an apartment or even proposing, now all we do is argue, and nothing is happening either i dont know whether to give upor what? im tired my son needs a home and i need some calm in my life, i love him with all my heart but im desperate.

Answer 1

OK so you are trying to MAKE him commit, girl good look in the department. You can't make someone commit if they don't want to. Start making a living for you and your child. you don't need 2 children. (your son and your boyfriend)

Answer 2

These situations are tricky. I would not worry about being married to this person, and start making a life for you and your son. Get a place of your own. Sometimes living with family members can be helpful, but harmful to some relationships by adding the extra stress. Also, having a small child is tough. You don't have as much time to pamper a mate as you used to. All the factors you stated make for an anxiety filled life. That's not good for anyone, especially a 1 year old. After moving a a place of your own, see how things work out. You may be able to have a little family of your own and this could spark a responsibility bullet in your boyfriend. If things go well and he still doesn't propose, oh well! Plenty of people live happily together as a family without being married. It can work! If things are still rocky, you may think about letting him off the hook. Your concern is for your baby and yourself.

Answer 3

Your man needs a reality/priority check, and you are just the woman to give it to him! The only way to rebirth something better, is to let the old, die. Your man is immature. He needs to grow up. If you keep giving him all the love, loyalty and "cake" when he's not doing a darn thing to desrve it; well, why would he want to change a situation that is working perfectly to his advantage? All your doing right now is arguing; that is not productive to anything. You are trying to convince him to give up what is working for him, and it's a merry-go-round; hop off. Let your needs and your son's needs be your sole focus for right now. Let yourself have the calm that you need- in the time you take for you and your boy, think of your man as in a time out. Trust me, he'll be thinking, and trying to find a way to get you to argue with him and get you back on the merry-go-round- dont let it work. Let him know that this is not a game, and you are serious, and that if he wants his family, then he's going to have to realize a few things on his own and that you are not going to live this way; that you want and expect and deserve more; and that you love him, and hope he makes the right choices so that you can be together. Then hang up. Get it in your mind: you cant live like that, so, as much as you want it to be such and such, your sorry, but you cant- it's no longer your choice-it's out of your hands. You have to be a grown up. If he wants to join you in it, great. If not, you need to set yourself up for success without his help, and that is what you are doing. It's amazing what can happen when you do what you know is right, and have courage to face your fears, and you know what? You wont regret it, no matter how it turns out.

Answer 4

I completely understand your frustration. It's time to move on. Don't leave it all up to him. Why don't you go out and get a job and find an apartment for you and your son? You will feel better about yourself once you do and you will probably see things with greater clarity. It doesn't sound real promising about your relationship with your bf, but if you can stop arguing, you can still have a healthy relationship with your son's father and maybe even be friends. But the longer you stay in that environment, the less likely you will be able to have any kind of friendly relationship with him. Put you son first and the rest will follow. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Get a court order for child support and have the money go through the court. Then move on. I agree your baby needs a home and you deserve a life. This man will never commit, but he will probably make some half hearted attempts to reconcile to keep you in line and avoid the legal stuff. Go have a good life. The life you deserve.

Answer 6

Don't relay on someone else to give you the calm in your house. Do it yourself. Put your energy into being a mom to your son, Boyfriends come and go, but that son will be your forever. I would not waste anymore time on the guy who I've been on and off with for 5 years. How long will it take for you to realize it is just not working?

Answer 7

You have just answered your question----------allow you and your son to have a good life( as possible) without all the ups/downs of wondering what is going to happen next. Nothing says just because the two of you ae not together your son will not see his dad, but is best for him to see him apart as to see or hear the two of you argue. So get yourself together find a place for the two of you and have the courts order your BF to pay child support(which is one way of forcing him to work) and if he refuses he will go to jail for non support. If for now you need to live with your folks until you can get on your feet, then do so by working something out with your parents.

Answer 8

being desperate causes us to make bad decisions, but this man does not seem as if he is going to be supportive, or a good husband or father. we do sometimes fall in love with people who aren't willing to give us what we need from life, if this is the case u need to get away from him, and stop wasting your life on such a looser. best to get out of situations like this and move on , go back to your parents home, get a job, and sue him for what is due your child, go back to school, get an education and move on, but be more selective next time with who u choose.

Answer 9

TAKE CONTROL. He is not, so you have to for your son's sake. Get enough for a place for you and your son. Then, hit your Boyfriend with child support. He may come around with the support issue coming out of his pocket. In either case, You know what you want for yourself and your son. Be guided by that knowledge, live life for the two of you. If he joins you, all well and good; if not, then you are still continuing to better your lives.

Answer 10

Don't be desperate for one such as he is. Follow good reason and not your feelings of the heart for him. He obviously cannot commit but expects to yo yo back and forth. Maybe he needs a good example to learn how to be responsible. Advise him to go get the lessons life has to teach him.....You have to be responsible for raising a beautiful child. He should too..but he doesn't. YOU have choices.....give him up for the betterment this life has for you. You don't need to spend more time raising other babies too......Make a good choice to say"NOT anymore".

Answer 11

Love ain't everything honey.

You have to be happy yourself too. Look at it this way.

I stayed married to the mother of my children for 7 years. Those were the unhappiest years of my life, because while I was married, she wasn't. She constantly cheated, lied, stole, and abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally. She chose to end our sex life shortly after our 2nd was born, and begin one with other men.

I was extremely unhappy. As a result, we fought a lot. The kids witnessed all of this, and it made them unhappy.

Last year, I left. I just picked up and walked out. Maybe its not the best thing; but, now the kids are happy, she is happy, and I am happy. Believe it or not, after initial hostilities, we all get along great.