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Question

Ok. I posted something simular in "toddlers and preschool" and they had me for lunch. We're in the process of adopting, and we may have a chance at four adorable kids 5,4,3, and 6 mo. They have very ethnic names. I'm thinking about giving them an American first name, keep their current names as a double middle name, and our Irish last name. I'm thinking in the interest of less teasing in school, as well as for resumes in the future. Is this appropriate? Or should I just let them deal with getting picked on due to their birth names? I misprounced the 5 year old's name when I met him. He reacted not so favoribly.

Answer 1

With the older two, they probably could give you an idea of whether they want to keep their given names or adopt your names also. Luckily with them, it helps you can ask. With the younger ones, names aren't nearly as important I don't think. Lets face it, as we grow our names become more of a part of us. But because they have barely lived, its not so much a part of them. I personally would try to avoid them being teased and so on. I definetly think they all should get your last name though. Because that signifies family, together. Ya know? I have two cousins that are from China. They were adopted as babies by my uncle. Both have american names and their chinese names as their middle. So don't feel your alone in making this decision. Its up to you. Your gonna be mom. :) Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 2

Hm, that's a tough situation.

I completely agree that having an ethnic sounding name does put stereotypes at the forefront of some people's minds. The problem is that when getting a job it makes them look less educated. They recently did a study and found that companies did have this bias. So, it's definately in their best interest.

I do think this can be traumatic for older children. They've lost so much already and been through so much...this just make push them over the edge. What I'd do if I was in your shoes is contact a pyschiatrist that deals with children in these situations (foster care/adoption). Your agency could probably refer you to one. Have her help you and talk to the kids.

Perhaps, the older one can pick a name for himself. I don't think the younger ones will know any better. And, my guess is the five year old won't remember 10 years from now.

Answer 3

I think the names should stay as a middle name-one middle name. Let the 3, 4, & 5 year old pick there own names. Let then choose and be involved in the process. For instance ask the child if they want to change names if they say no then respect that if they say yes then let them choose. Would you like for your new name to be Bethany or Brianna, Robert or Joseph. If you can still match some of thier ethnic in the name than that would be best. I went to school with a kid adopted from Japan and he found out his name wasn't Aaron but a Japanise hard name that was difficult to pronounce. He got very upset with his adoptive parents from takeing his name away from him and he went back to his Japan name for 7th grade all through high school. He said that is who is was and is and who he will always be. We his classmates all learned his japanise name and excepted it. Kids will be mean no matter what language the name is in, however most children are nice and welcolm differences more so now then they did when we were all little. Their names are who they are and part of them. You're taking their country, parents, home, toys, friends, family, language, culture, and names away from them. Let them have something. If you can't adapt to them then why do you expect them to change and adapt to you? Maybe you should go to their country and learn their language and teach it to others in their school and city.

Answer 4

If you want to change the 5,4 and 3 year old name you may want to talk to them about a possible change and propose there "new name",for the 6 month old you can get away with changing the name. When I was in elementry school a girl was adopted from another country and her parents changed her name to a more american name, she was fine with the change and was much older than the children you are adopting.Are all of the kids from the same family? If they are, the older kids may be offended by the change of name of their younger sibling- if they do say they wouldent want their name to be changed. If you do change the name you should try changing it to as close to possible as their "ethnic name" and keep their birth name as the middle name.If they dont agree with changing thier names or you decide not too, you can give them a unique nick-name that you can tell their teachers and classmates to call them. I hope this helps your situation and good luck and congratulations with your new four children, I honor you for being able to take care of four young kids!

Answer 5

I don't see why keeping their birth first names as middle names and adding american names as first names is so bad? You want them to keep their birth names in some way though. That is just apart of who they are and you can't take that away. Adding names would be ok. Just dont take their name away. And after you add american first names, maybe you could ask them if they want to be called those names or their birth namess around the house. American names for school, and their birth names around home. If you don't call them by their birth names and they want you to then thats a little mean. Their names are apart of the package, so don't get rid of them completely.

Answer 6

Congratulations, I hope the adoption goes thru. As for changing their names sit down and talk to the children and ask them how they would feel about adding a new name and that they can pick their new names. As for the 6 mo. old I think it would be fair for you and your spouse to pick that. Just be reasonable with the other three though. Have them sound out their new name before you put anything on paper and finalize it.

Answer 7

An American first name? You mean like Barack? I can appreciate your sensitivity towards possible teasing, but it is a bit of an assumption. Now I'm thinking of the song "A Boy Named Sue'. Anyway, you and your kid's friends will get the pronunciation right soon enough. Why not start off on the right foot – don't take away one of the few things the tot owns – his/her name. And don't forget the food!! Take a class in the cooking of the child's home country.

Answer 8

I totally agree w/yur decision.Yur going 2 b the parents.So,{like any other parents}U nd 2 do what u believe 2 b in the best interest of the children.Even if other people don't agree.U want the kids 2 grow up knowing thier ethnic bkground.&,not b ashamed of it.However,we both know that kids r very cruel.Young 1s,teenagers,it don't matter.Even adults.&,even though I think prejadis{sp} is ignorance.It is a bg problem.Follow yur heart.U'll make the right decision.I commend both of u 4 what yur doing.Yur rescuing those children & giving them a good life,that they wuldn't have.That takes very special people!!Good luck 2 u & yur family!!!

Answer 9

Wow, more power to you, but I must respectfully point out that you don't even know them yet. Why not get to know them with their birth names and decide what is right over time? Nick names come from familiarity and maybe you will develop nick names that they will cherish as much as their birth names and when they grow up, they will be smart enough to know what name will serve them best in life. If you are together enough to do this adoption then I trust in your ability to learn to pronounce your son's birth name. It will be difficult enough for the older ones to leave all that is familiar, your intentions are good but put off the renaming!

Answer 10

Changing a name would be VERY hard on the older kids. You're essentially taking away the child's identity. I think it would be okay to change the two younger ones names (and even three is pushing it), but it could scar the older children psychologically. They might feel as though you're not accepting them for who they are.