What do you think of my poem?

Question

I hold out my hand
You don’t have to understand
Why I’m here
Just let me hold you one last time
Before I leave this place
My last romantic gesture
Before I close the road to my heart forever
I choke up but I try not to stutter
Hoping you won’t notice my voice shaking
My last kiss
I barely touch your lips
Cuz I know if I stay any longer on this day
I won’t make it to that train
I can’t look into your face
And say that you don’t make me happy
I can’t say that you’re not enough
Cuz you are more than I could have possibly dreamed of
You were my first love
The only one I´ve ever loved

And I sit here thinking of you today
I hold nothing but memories now in this empty heart of mine
I hold nothing but thoughts of you in my mind
It’s been over for a very long time
And I won’t ever get over the way you sadly smiled
That one last time
Before I left
And we said goodbye.

Hey thank you everyone for all your honest opinions, I really appreciate them. And yeah i know my poem does still need alot of work...but hey i hope at least its of some small enjoyment. :)

Oh and by the way lol i think i should add that im actually a girl. lol But thank you for your really sweet compliments anyway. :)

Your poem is great look _inside. =) You´re very talented and i think your words are very deep. Keep writing, cuz your poetry´s very beautiful. =)

Answer 1

Great poem, very emotive and meaningful. I can tell you write alot, and keep it up, because you're really good at it.

The person you were thinking of while you wrote this is a very lucky person indeed.

Answer 2

OMG that's really good! what do you think of mine?

Like a rain cloud
I drift
On the outside
Trailing
Gloom
If I am a
Rain cloud
Then you are the
Sun
When you
Rise
I sigh
I melt
In happiness

Like the moon
I am alone
In a place
Filled with
Darkness
If I am the
Moon
Then you are the
Stars
When you
Light
I burn
I burst
In jubilance

Like the ocean
I cry
Salty tears
For the
World
If I am the
Ocean
Then you are the
Wind
When you
Fly
I dance
I flip
In celebration

good luck!
keep writeing!

Answer 3

It is good but very sad & depressing
& I hope it's not you that the poem is about!
It's better to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all ( they say )
time will heal your heart & you will have a new & better Love & that is so true
just give it time & keep busy & help people in need if its all about you

Answer 4

It sound like I've head it all before. A little too cliche for my taste, but I'll give you a B- for effort. Some chicks will totally "oh I just love it, I wish I would get a poem like that.... Best of luck.

Answer 5

There is a decided lack of vivid or original imagery, and no sentiment seems to start within you, to be completed within the reader. These are things which all poetry needs.

Answer 6

Beautiful, but now I want to cry, reminds me of my first love. You are a very good poet, when you can effect some one's emotion. Have you thought of entering it into a poetry contest?

Answer 7

It is sad, but it is the expression of your heart at that time. It helps to write ones feeling in a poem. You expressed yourself pretty clearly and the poem is good.

Remember... You will most likely find love again.

Answer 8

"I won’t make it to that train" I kinda think you went too far off after this part. But cool the first was Bad ***

Answer 9

That poem almost made me cry, you are realy good at expressing yourself thru words, and it was realy sad when you wrote "close the road to my heart forever" I was just in awe at how good you are at writing while I read it.

Answer 10

i really love your idea and overall style of writing but i think you could use bigger words and more of a creative edge...i think you're off to a great start though...i would just give it a little more thought and effort if i were you