my husband and i have been struggling in our marriage. we decided on marriage counseling. he never does what he says he will do but i scheduled it for 3pm today, i told my husband the appointment was for 2pm for fear he would purposely be late. he called me at 4:00 and said he tried but he couldnt get off work in time. he knew about the appointment for an entire week and we talked about it this morning. im tired of him throwing this marriage on the back burner. should i just let it go and accept his dumb excuses again?
2007-02-14 10:14:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should go to counseling and work on the things for you. Hopefully with the counselors help you'll get more clarity in the situation.
2007-02-14 10:20:06 · answer #1 · answered by Kai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the pressure out of the sutuation. Most Men in general respond very poorly when they feel presured. You should let him know you will go to the counciling yourself. You could say (with no anger or guilt) "I know we have been having a hard time lately and I though mabey counceling would help. I need to figure out for MYSELF what I want to do about our situation, I think it would be best if I did that with the counceler one on one. Then I might have some clarity on how I would like to proceed." Here is the kicker then you should do that ,go to the couciling get some hobbies or projects and spend a lot more time with friends. Treat him kindley and repectfully (even when he acts like a jerk). If he loves you and wants this marriage to work he will begin to realize you will move on without him if he does not catch up . If he really wants out at least you will have built some support for yourself. p.s. remember nothing scares men more than when we get off their backs. In the quiet they have time to think
2007-02-14 18:53:15 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to setup a Saturday appointment or an appointment for after he has gotten off work. That way there is no opportunity for an excuse. My husband REFUSES to go to counseling with me. So I have decided to make me an appointment and go alone. If nothing else atleast you can benefit from it.
2007-02-14 18:25:46 · answer #3 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is really willing to go to counseling, maybe you could try to set something up on his off days or after he is off of work. This way he can't use it as an excuse. Look at how you feel too though. Make sure you feel ok with your decision in trying to make this work. If you are then eliminate all possibilities for his excuses. After that you will get a clear picture of how he really feels and what he is willing to do to keep you. I hope it all works out. Good luck.
2007-02-14 18:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by ghostlover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does the counselor say? Have you posed this question on him/her? Letting a marriage go may seem easy at first, and sometimes it is, but divorce is hard. Not just emotionally but financially and every other -ally you can think of. Before you let it go ask yourself if you felt that you gave it your all and if ten years you would be satisfied with the effort you had put into your marriage.
2007-02-14 18:21:32 · answer #5 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't throw a marriage away based on one or two instances. I have been married for 11 years, and there are several times we both could have packed it in, but there are reasons you got married. Try to look back on those. That always helped me. As I have gotten older, I look back on the times I wanted to leave and realized a lot of our problems were because of our maturity, or lack thereof.
2007-02-14 18:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by ButchF16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Julie. Lame excuse for missing an appointment. If someone were truly invested in making a relationship work, they would make every effort to be there. He's being passive aggressive. Why are you waiting for him to change? Move on.
2007-02-14 18:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by hotdocmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not you should make him scared. Let him know you refuse to be the only one putting effort into this marraige and that it takes two people and if he is not willing to do what it takes to try and make it work then you are considering leaving him. Leave it at that and let him think about it. While you are letting him think go out with one of your friends and go to dinner and have a stiff drink. Good luck sweetie!
2007-02-14 18:30:15 · answer #8 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should tell him you two need to talk, and tell him if he really wants to save this marriage that he will make the appointments, and show that he is trying, instant of always giving you excusses why he could not make it.
2007-02-14 18:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny u answered my question on bad marriages earlier
ill give u the same advice as u did me
but do it
take ur own advice u deserve someone who wants to work at it
2007-02-14 18:20:03 · answer #10 · answered by tinkerbell 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋