Please Give me advice for my girlfriend trouble?

Question

I don't know how to approach this problem of mine. I've been with my girlfriend for about 8 1/2 months, and I still can't seem to relax around her SOMETIMES. It is very strange. Most of the time, I don't know how to make conversation with her. I feel socially inept and insecure. I have basically no friends and I'm very introveted, so I don't have much of a life outside of my full time job and college courses. The thing about my gf is that a couple of weeks ago she said she loved me, and I could tell she meant it. She has a four year old daughter. I notice that my gf is more introverted and laughs less around me than others. I sometimes think that I bring her down. I also think that she is settling sometimes. You see, she has cerebral palsy, and I do things to help her out. I sometimes think that she might love me for the things I do rather than for me. She doesn't take advantage of me, and she is very independent. I just don't know what to make of our relationship. Advice, please?

I've talked to her about this issue and she says that she is happy and that I don't bore her. I WON'T BRING THIS UP TO HER AGAIN. Sometimes, we sit in total silence. I hate that I can't be the man I know that I'm capable of. Like I said, there are times when I feel a surge of energy, and I can be funny, charming, etc, but those moments are far and few between. Also, I'm not that masculine: I can't fix things around the house very well and I'm not very assertive. I question what woman would want a man like me....HELP??

Answer 1

While this is something you are probably going to have to figure out yourself.... I'd say if you have been together for that long that you must be doing something right. And... she is either independent or taking advantage you can't really pull off both that easily. Not everyone has to be funny 24/7... I think you are over analyzing the situation to the point that you are stressing yourself out.

Answer 2

I'm not that masculine either, and a lot of women are actually ok with that, surprisingly. But it depends on how you do assert the little bit of masculinity that you do have that makes the difference, and how comfortable you are with it. You two are in a situation where you need each other, and have perhaps formed a bond there, out of solidarity, but it may not be much deeper than that. After 8 and a half months it may or may not be true love, and if you're the closest she's come to that then let her have it, let her believe that if she wants to.

If she isn't outgoing around you, it could be that she knows that you're ok with that, because you're introverted yourself, not necessarily symptomatic of your bringing her down or anything. You may feel that it is because you're unsure of your role in the relationship to begin with. If she is settling; I seriously doubt that it is because she can't get a man who truly wants her and is more masculine than you and aggressive about being with someone. From what I've read, it appears that your reason for believing that is simply a reflection of how you feel about yourself in general, and you shouldn't feel so bad because you do at least have a girl that loves you, which says a lot. You may be a bit bummed out yourself because the one girl you do get with has cerebral palsy, which isn't the way that you figured things would work out either. And it is perfectly normal to feel that way, but leave societies expectations, it's fronts, about what a perfect, traditional relationship alone and focus on the relationship that you have, which isn't perfect in the world's eyes but works for you at this time. The relationship will go a lot smoother if you do.

Answer 3

First of all it sounds to me like you need help. You are so hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It sounds like you are questioning your own feelings for her though. Why do you love her? Do you love her because you CAN do things for her? If she doesn't laugh around you and she does around others have you ever thought that maybe she is acting for those around her? Maybe she is just like you but pretends to be someone else in order to feel more secure when she is around others. Remember that just because you don't laugh and joke very often or just because you can't fix things, it doesn't mean you are any less of a man. She loves you. She said so. Go with it. If it is meant to be it will. If not you will find out soon enough. So stop worrying and give that woman a hug and enjoy your life.

Answer 4

The first question would be do you want this relationship to work? If so, it seems that You have a self esteem issue, It takes all kinds of people who are unique and different, maybe that has alot to do with why she loves you. There is nothing wrong with not being the stereotypical male, infact many women find it a breath of fresh air to be with a man who is unique. I dont think that she feels like she has settled. Overanaylizing your relationship isnt a good idea. But figuring out how you feel about her and where you want this relationship to go is important.
Also I think that you need to find things about yourself that you like, and make an effort to become comfortable with yourself and her. If someone truly loves you they will not judge you, if that is what you are afraid of.

Answer 5

This person clearly loves you so this issue you have has nothing to do with her and all to do with you and your insecurities. I can see that you have perconceived ideas about how men and women should behave as opposed to how they are. You need to stop focusing on "how to be a man" and how to be a good person that cares and cherishes yourself. You need to work through these issues either with a therapist or your pastor of your church because I am here to tell you God has a purpose for everything he creates on this planet and you deserve for good things to happen. You are indeed special and I hope you will take this advice to heart.