What would you do?

Question

I am married to a man that is increasingly making me unhappy. I try to make him happy, but he always finds something to yell at me about, then when he can't there is always my family to yell seeing as he hates them and wants me to have nothing to do with them, or any friends. He controls everything I do and if I go anywhere I have to have a cell on me at all times otherwise he goes crazy. No I have not cheated on him to make him feel this way. He takes all the money, yes, I stay at home, but even when I worked he took my paycheck cashed it and I was lucky to see enough of it to buy a soda. We have a toddler that is making it harder to keep the house spotless always and he does not take that into mind. So, got him a valentine bag with a few of his favorite candies then he just said oh yeah give me candy I am diabetic. He is but when he eats tons of sweets he tells me to lay off he takes a pill for it. I didnt tell him that he was rude, I am tired of fighting. Is it just over?

WE did discuss finances and all the things that I thought would cover the bases, but he is like Dr Jekyl and Mr hyde. I do love him that is why leaving is so hard, but I am afraid that it will come to that. I do not want my child to grow up in a home of fighting, I did and it still affects me when me and my husband fight. I just simply wanted to know is this really the way all marriages are? Am I thinking that marriage is supposed to be happy at least some of the time and just need to face reality? Anyone else in this situation, or is it just him and me? He has been married before 3 times and he lied to me about why they divorced and even after I went back and got proof that he lied he continues to stick with the story he first gave me. Yeah, it may seem easy to talk everything out before the marriage, but what do you do when he does a 360 on you afterward? Before we were married he never even raised his voice. Now I can count on one hand in the last month when he was not yelling.

Answer 1

This sounds like a controlling verbally abusive man. You need to seek help, even if only to give you the emotional strength to face him. He has slowly worn you down. Part of that is his attempt to remove your family and your friends from your life. As much as I hate to say it, you probably need to get out. Staying together for the sake of your toddler only gives the child a life that says it is okay to be treated like this, or to treat your spouse in this manner. If you can not go to a counselor due to lack of funds, go to your church. If you can't go to your own church for whatever reason, many churches out there will help you with free relationship counselling (even if it is simply helping you with your end of the relationship).

Good luck, and stay strong.

Answer 2

NO, i don't think it's over. I think the both of you are just constantly on each others necks. He is controlling, over protective & over bearing. He shouldn't be telling you not to have anything to do with your family & vice versa. Your family has to accept him regardless because you two are married. However, if the both of you want to make it to the future, then all this fighting has got to stop. Have you ever sat down with him & actually had a civilized conversation about how your marriage has been going lately? if not, then i think you should & if he starts bitching about it again, then you need to seriously lay down some changes you want made. Don't be scared or feel uncomfortable to demand changes. You deserve to voice your opinion regardless how much of control he thinks he has over you. If you want things to change, then you gotta start doing something about it, don't wait too long to fix things. Your problem calls for RED FLAG but don't give up on your marriage, remember that you made vows to love, honor through good times & bad. The best marriages out there are the ones that stick together, are able to be strong enough to fix their problems TOGETHER without giving up & thinking it's the end.

Answer 3

I was married to someone almost the same, a real control freak. My unhappiness grew and finally I left. Best thing I ever did.
The first step a true control freak does is separate YOU from your family and support group so they can then tell you every move to make and you have no one to help you so you feel isolated and must stick it out with them. LEAVE and do not look back. There are so many men who will treat you well why stay with a jerk, and life alone until you find someone is not a bad thing either. Plus you give him all your money....good grief woman. It is over, stop fighting and get counseling. Church groups are good so is professional help or a good friend.
Good luck, life will be good again soon.

Answer 4

I'm not saying this is happening in YOUR relationship, but I have seen this exact situation in many of my friends lives. Do you have any suspicions that he is having an affair? Because sometimes right after the first kid, when the Mom gets busy with the kid and stops working like your situation, some men look for reasons to have affairs. He does not sound like a nice person. Like I said, I don't want to add to your sadness, but I would do a little detective work. If he writes emails, try to check them out without him knowing. Check receipts in his pockets and look through his wallet. Look at the phone numbers on the phone bill. If he's treating you this way, you have every right to try to find out what's going on, but be discreet. Is he working later and later? Just look for signs. I don't know what the websites are for these things, but I would recommend looking up some websites on cheaters and getting some tips. Sometimes when a guy is cheating, he will try to make you not like him out of his own guilt. It's like punishing himself for what he's doing. OR he'll go the other way and start bringing you flowers all the time. Sorry if I am completely wrong about this, I don't have any personal experience with it, it's just what I've heard from other friends.
Either way, I'm sorry for what you are going through.

Answer 5

sounds to me like he a control freak and i would take control back. The only control or power he has is what you give to him. I was in a relationship very similar to this and i put my son in a daycare, started working and talked with whomever i wanted. The best thing to do is take your child and go to a friends house for a few days to see how he likes being alone. He sounds very insecure to me. He probably needs anger management counselling. My ex got counselling and guess what we're married now so things can work out. If you fear for your own safety i would suggest that you just take your child and move into a shelter.
I hope things work out for you!
email me if you need to talk.

Answer 6

This is a classic case of a potentially abusive relationship. He feels like he needs to control you because he is insecure. he wants to keep you depending on him,he feels, if he makes you feel like you need him then you wont leave him. He is emotionally unhealthy and obviously he isn't contributing to your happiness. he wont change without some serious help and still there would have to be a will to change on his behalf. you're fighting a loosing battle, because you're the only one fighting for the relationship. is he putting fourth any effort? Love yourself more than you love him, regain your independence, put your and your child's well-being first. do whats best for you. the answer lies within.

Answer 7

Just think about it, you haven't said anything good about your relationship with your husband. A posesive man like yours will never change. You should either stand up for yourself, try to talk to him without yelling or cursing, or try to meet with a psychologist. Just remember that you want the best for your child,...your kid shouldn't have to be around and see what your husband is doing to you,...he may just do that to his future compagnon. If anything, try to find a solution right now, don't wait, things may only get worst. Good Luck to you.

Answer 8

He sounds like a control freak. If he had any respect for you, he would not be treating you like a child, controlling your paychecks, isolating you from your family and friends. Sounds like a classic case of an abuser, either physical abuser or emotional abuser. I bet he also says that it's your fault that he's mad or yelling because you don't keep the house clean, etc...

I would definitely say it's over, unless it's OK with you to continually live that way.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like it is over and maybe has been for awhile. I think you need to really look at what is going on in your life with him and see if it is worth staying for. You have a child to think about as well. It sounds like you are getting abused, mentally if not physically. I have been in this situation and if I were you I would get out. But make sure it is what you want to do. Good luck!

Answer 10

it really depends what you want. you could continue on like this for the rest of your life if you like, or you can confront him and let him know how you are feeling. since you have a child together, you might want to consider counselling...even if your husband won't go with you, you can go alone. i am sorry that he is so controlling. it's going to be hard but you do need to stand up and ask to be treated better.