Okay. My father and mother have been divorced for 5 years. My father took custody of my siblings and I for that duration. However, my father always made different rules for every child. He thought that his male children should always have better. It really wasn't fair and everytime I "misbehaved", he'd threaten to throw me out of the house.
Then in July of '06, he met a woman with 3 additional children, all girls. He put her and her children on the top of his list and he'd leave me, and two younger brothers behind for weeks at a time to go be with this woman. I'm not to fond of her (she's two-faced in my opinion) and I have made that quite clear.
My father has told me on several occasions that he will do better but marrying this woman asap is top priority. I understand he's my father, but he has abandoned me and my siblings on occasions to be elsewhere. I have moved out since then and I don't think I should go.
What do you think?
2007-02-14 09:55:37 · 20 answers · asked by Rei 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes
2007-02-14 09:57:41 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gurl, get off your horse..... There are a few thing you just cant change -- You are his daughter and he is your father (good or bad). I lost both my parents a young ages. If I could change the pass I would as luther sang "I would luv to dance with my father again". My mother and father divorced as well I was young grew very close to my mom. However, what I did not realize is that people divorce for the better of the two (not because of the kids) and to improve their lives as individuals (with or without another).
Time such as these you cant make happen again. This woman may be in your fathers life for a lifetime or for a few more months. Your father will always be your father, your kids grandfather, so on and so forth.
Remember when you wanted to do something soooo bad and your father did not agree. So, you did it and guess what he was still your father..... As you grow you will get it, for now you are on the inside looking out.
If he so chooses to take this road, you dont have to take it with him but you should be there to experience the happiness in his eyes for one day he may be gone - and that could be his last smile.
Gurl go and have fun....
2007-02-14 10:05:00 · answer #2 · answered by ddouglas36 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on how important a relationship with your father is. From the sound of it, he clearly put this woman and her daughters before his own children. So if THAT is the type of person you want to continue trying to have a relationship with, then by all means go! Buy him and his new wife a present and show your support for his marriage to her!
HOWEVER.......if having a relationship with your father isn't that important to you, then don't go. But just know that by not going it sends a message that you don't approve and that you're not interested in being a part of their lives. Sounds like that wouldn't bother them at all anyway, so the choice is yours. But the bottom line is that if you don't approve of the woman he's marrying, then why would you go?
2007-02-14 10:03:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest to you that you only go if you have nothing else to do at all; I would not go out of my way. Make a courtesy appearance for a short time.
There is no reason you should submit yourself to the emotional stress of being in that situation. According to your description you have endured enough emotional abuse. I may be going out on a limb, I would guess that whenever you are around that side of your family you get depressed and distraught, so just don't go down that road.
You may have a feeling deep down that going to his wedding will make him see the light, realize his mistakes, bring you closer, or any number of things. The fact of the matter though, is that you need to move on with your life. Waiting on things between you and your father to be resolved will leave you by the wayside. He has overall, shown that he lacks a certain measure of empathy necessary to care about you.
Move on and make a successful life for yourself!
2007-02-14 10:09:39 · answer #4 · answered by Marc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't go you'll only regret it whilst you're there. i was in the same situation as you when i was 12 / 13, except my dad arranged his wedding in a time that we had no choice but to go, despite that it was the last thing we wanted!
just don't go, especially after the way hes treated you and youre brothers! if i was you id try getting your brothers out of going aswell somehow, maybe talk to your mum about it
hope it all works out.
2007-02-14 10:02:14 · answer #5 · answered by dawsonboy09 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry that your father has treated you this way. I wonder when people will realize what a great blessing children are and take responsibility of their children.
I say you should do what's in your heart to do. If you don't want to go because you are hurt, then don't go.
2007-02-14 10:00:29 · answer #6 · answered by lady_blu_iz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. I do not even know my father and yet I go on. What you really should try to do is set aside your feelings and search your heart. Do you want to lower yourself to someone elses standards? Even though he has hurt you, perhaps you could turn the other cheek. And think of this. If he ever repaired all the damage, how would you feel then if you did not go. Trust your heart!
2007-02-14 10:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by Randall L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to think about what your father must have went through during the divorce and no matter how it seems. Forgive and forget what happened because if you dnt then its gna bother you. Make an effort go to the wedding if you think its the right thing to do. dont let your feelings cloud your judgements.
2007-02-14 10:03:33 · answer #8 · answered by puremuscle86 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Staying away from the wedding won't solve any problems between you and your father. Going to the wedding won't, either. You have reasons to be resentful, but be mature and polite. Go to the wedding. Deal with the problems separately.
2007-02-14 10:00:05 · answer #9 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how do you think you would feel about it years from now,do you think you could be happy with your choice i dont think you should feel forced to go,only if you wanted to,i think if i wasnt going i would explain to him that i didnt feel comfortable with it but explain early enough that there might be some kind of comprimise or something you can do to work it out..........good luck and God Bless
2007-02-14 10:04:49 · answer #10 · answered by loveChrist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What will it hurt if u go to the wedding?Just because he acts like a jerk it doesn't mean u should too.I say be the bigger person and good.Good luck
2007-02-14 10:11:27 · answer #11 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋