Would you let your 14 year old daughter stay over at a friends who you know drinks and smokes?

Question

Yet is their best friend. Even though she says she wouldn't do either

A bit of extra info for the people who are being a bit too 'holier than tho'. She told me her mate did this. She also told me she had had a couple of cans of beer one night. I'm not too bothered about that, I did - you probably did too - and she says she would never smoke. I think she's being quite mature actually telling me and her mum rather than hiding it. Told her we would smell it if she smoked, even if she showered and cleaned her teeth!

Answer 1

well, im a 14 year old girl. And you might not like my answer but, youve got to let her grow up. I no its your daughter but shes going to grow up one day. Let her stay there, its her best friend! Every teenager trys smoking, and drinking. Youve just got to trust your daughter not to do it. Trust her, she will thank you. Dont you remember growing up? trying smoking with your mates? getting somebody to go in the shop to get you some beer? EVERYBODY DOES IT, ITS CALLED 'GROWING UP'
xxxxxx

Answer 2

Is it your daughter's friend who drinks and smokes or your friend who drinks and smokes? I'm assuming the former, though I'm wondering whether the friend's parents are allowing their child (your daugher's friend) to drink at home?

I know a lot of parents take a laissez-faire approach about drinking (as in "I did it at that age; you did too" or the ubiquitous "I'd rather they drink in front of me at home where I know they're safe than sneak it somewhere else ...")

We already know kids do really incredibly stupid things when they drink. But I suppose we think only other people's kids will do those incredibly stupid things. We trust *our* kids.

We also tend to trust that our kids are telling the truth when they say things like "I've had two cans of beer once." We want to trust them. But didn't you lie to your parents when you were her age? Isn't that what 14 year-old kids do? Why is your daughter any different? One of the tough things about being a parent is that we have to be the bad guy sometimes. We're not their friend.

So for me, then: If the friend's parents are there and you know they will not allow drinking in their home, then great, let her go. But if there's no supervision, or if the parents are OK with kids drinking in their home: No.

Answer 3

What makes you think she needs to "stay over" to do either of these things?

I think you need to actually listen to your daughter, let her talk, and keep you mouth shut. That isn't easy to do; we parents usually like to talk. But what you need to know is what she is curious about, and what she thinks about such behaviors, and her other friends who are certainly doing the same things. Whether you like it or not, she is getting older, and need to experiment with independence; what she needs now is guidance, and reasonable and supportive rules...not categorical prohibitions.

And, if you are honest, you probably had 14 year old friends who drank and smoked when you were her age. Did they warp you for life? And even if you made mistakes -- and which of us didn't -- how are you ever going to learn what you should and shouldn't do if you never make mistakes? Experience is only gained by learning what is bad/doesn't work/causes more problems.

Sure, we don't want our little angels ending up in situations over which we do not control, but. believe me, you haven;t really been in control for some time. You need to have your parenting grow up, just as much as she needs to grow up and become more independent.

Answer 4

I would not let my 14 year old daughter stay over at a friends who i know drinking and smokes would be present. There a lot peer pressure even do your daughter said, she would not smoke or drink. Think about not so long you where 14.

Answer 5

No! If they want to stay friends and you are okay w/ that, I would let the other girl come to your house and stay-b/c then you would know that they were being properly chaperoned. I'm sure you can trust your daughter, but peer pressure is tough and I wouldn't take the chance that things would get out of control. At least if they hang at your house, you know where she is and the decisions she makes. Good luck.

Answer 6

I would if you trust her to do the right thing. You should set up a system. Like if she's put into a situation then she should excuse herself and call you. Have a code word. Like for my mom and me, the word is "orange" or something that we decide before hand. So, I might call her and say, "...They have some really nice orange pillows that you might like..." or something like that. Smoking is more dangerous, It mutates your DNA as alcohol just causes you to be impaired for a short amount of time. She just shouldnt make that a habit.

And if you don't trust her enough to make the right decision, then no. You shouldnt allow her to sleep over. It comes down to, do you trust your daughter enough to make the right decision?

Hope this helped!

Answer 7

No, don't let her go over there. Invite her friend over to your house for the night. That way, you can watch over them, and they can still have fun. Your daughter will be a little mad at you in the beginning, but it will be fine, and that way you will also get to know your daughters friend better. Good luck.

Keifer

Answer 8

No, I think u neeed to calmly talk to her bout getting new friends who you hang out is how u end up bcumin, b nice about it and let her tell her side, mayb bring up sum high school horror stories bout that kinda stuff! When I hear real stories I'm always more convinced!

Answer 9

Contrary to popular belief, not every teen caves at the tiniest amountof peer pressure. If you believe that your daughter is responsible, you should trust her.

Besides, your daughter doesn't have to stay the night to drink and smoke. I hardly see how it makes any difference.

Answer 10

No. There's a thing, I'm sure you've heard of it before, called peer pressure. It's so easy to get caught up and absorbed in certain 'moments' [whatever they may be] so easily.