Who wins in affairs?

Question

When a spouse cheats and his marriage ends in divorce who wins? The cheater, the ex, the other person? People lose respect for the cheater and he/she has to live with the knowledge they caused the person they loved at one time and possibly their kids undescribeable pain. The ex is now free to start a life with someone new but he/she will first have to deal with the pain. The other person is branded a homewrecker and ends up with someone they cannot trust - ever. So, who wins and is it worth it??

Answer 1

In actuality, no one wins. The spouse that was left has to deal with a death effect & can have a lasting effect. IF they are lucky enough to get past the pain & hurt & move forward with thier life, they still never forget and a part of them will always feel the pain & rejection. The one who has cheated looses the most. After the excitment of an affair calms down he or she will realizes that he or she has truly hurt and lost the ones he or she loved the most. They very often TRY to convience themselfs that they do not love thier spouse anylonger to try and justify what they are doing to thier spouse as well as thier famlies. When its all said & done and the blinders come off they look at what they are left with (the other person) & realize that was not what they wanted after all. The other person looses as well due to the fact that he or she KNOWS deep down in thier heart that he or she could NEVER truly trust that person and if you cannot trust your partner completey, then you do not have what it takes for a REAL & lasting relationship. So in answer to your question, no body wins. The sad part in all of this is that if he or she could truly learn how to be completely honest with themselfs and thier partner alot of affairs could be avoided but people today treat marriage like disposiable trash. They do not want to do the work to actualy work on the marriage because it becomes to hard so just quit and conform to the ways of the world & sociaty. How sad.

Answer 2

I believe after the emotions settles over, the X wins.
Why? First she(if a woman) now is probably laughing at all the problems that are now between the cheater and the homewrecker. They say the homewrecker never wants the headache of the cheater, so now what do they do?
Never thought about that, huh? Next. if children are involved, the mom usually get them & CHILD SUPPORT.
Guess what guys? If you dont pay - you will end up in Jail and the HOMEWRECKER will have to bail you out.
HA HA HA more problems. Wife usually gets the home if theres lots of money involved and sometimes alimony.
So, women - with the first affair -KICK THEM OUT!
If the woman cheats, its kinda the same but less problems cause she usually gets the kids anyway.

Answer 3

Many of the answers make excellent points.

There are no winners, everyone loses except the attorneys.

I agree with the idea that spouses cheat because they are not getting something they want from their spouse.

The problem is, you can't just blanket blame someone.

My ex-wife probably thought that her needs and desires were obvious. She would be one of those women who would say he knew what to do and didn't do it.

Yet when I asked her what she wanted, I would get answers like, if you loved me, you would know what to do. While that sounds so ideal, the reality is it's a lie. Folks love others all the time and have no clue what to do.

I believe in most cases, everyone loses in divorce.

The only way to obtain a victory is for BOTH parties to try to avoid the divorce and do the work needed to have an excellent marriage.

However, it takes both doing this and often times one or both are no longer willing to do this, or are unwilling to even acknowlege that marriage is work.

Affairs are easy. Sure, there is the sneaking around. But really, there is no responsiblity. No paying bills together, or caring for sick children, or anything like that. Just planning the next meeting.

Marriage is work.

Many selfish people choose the easy affair, over the harder marriage. These people don't win because they cause pain and seldom do what it takes to be a better partner.

I believe few folks who have affairs win, because from what I've seen, they simply blame their failures on their spouse and move from one partner to another, blaming them for failures instead of taking an honest look at both themselve and their partner and owning up to their part in the destruction of the marriage.

It's easier to blame and have affairs than it is to love and work on your marriage.

Answer 4

Trust me, nobody wins when people cheat in a relationship! Whether the marriage ends or the couple stays together its still a very stressful situation. Some people try cheating because they think making their partner jealous will improve the relationship, but more often than not this doesn't work out as planned. Feelings get hurt, partners distrust each other, and things get said you can't take back. Cheating also creates horrible feelings of self-hate, guilt, and pain for the cheater (if he/she has any conscious at all). Whatever kind of relationship you're in, cheating is NEVER worth it! It hurts everyone involved, including children. Divorce is just one of the unfortunate results of spouse's extramarital affairs.

Answer 5

No one ever wins in an affair, certainly not the children or either spouse. The betrayed spouse will have a difficult time trusting anyone and the cheater obviously has relationship fantasies that are unrealistic. Divorce isn't the answer either. You need to fix the marriage you are in, other wise you will continue to have the same problems in every relationship. End your old marriage and start again, but with the same person.

Answer 6

No one wins but the divorce attorneys.

The fact is, it takes two to tango, and people don't have affairs for no reason. They are getting something from the affair that they are no longer getting from their spouse, whether it's sex or emotional support. So although the cheater's reaction isn't right by any means, it's just that: a reaction to an action by the other party. If the cheated was upholding their end of the relationship deal then the cheater would have no reason to look elsewhere.

So no. No one wins, and both parties in the relationship are just as guilt of the affair happening.

Answer 7

The spouse that was cheated on. Why after the pain and the hurt comes relieve, joy, and stress free from the worries in being lied to and respect for her/him self. He/her can walk with there head straight up with no quilt or shame while the other one the one who did the cheating is full of remorse, quilt, full of shame that they broke up there family. And the home wrecker will do it again and again because she is mi sable with her self. And if the homeworker and the cheater stayed together 9 times out 10 there not going to make it. There relationship was base on lies. But the spouse that was cheated on she comes out with a smile. I know I smile every day of my life.

Answer 8

I'd say that the spouse wins,even though he goes through all of that pain.
He "gets to" watch the ex-wife make bad decision after bad decision and suffer the consequences.
It's not like sadism "gets to",happiness from pain, but he sees her go through pain like when she put him through pain, though 2 different types of pains.
My husband's first wife cheated, and now she spreads herself thin working 2 jobs to support her and her son, to pay off her NEW car AND NEW HOUSE , plus pay off all the expsensive things she buys for her boyfriends. The ones she's with less than a month , that take what she bought them and leave.
So, in fact, the spouse wins in the end, and the CHEATER got her comeuppance .

Answer 9

The devil (the arch deceiver of mens souls) wins.....

Everyone else looses. Now more people will continue to view marriage as a joke, including those children who are indirectly involved with this mess. Their lives are now turned upside down by two peoples selfish, sinful behavior.

Most people already think marriage is anything less than honorable, less than a blessing and not necessary. Instead of it being a divinely beautiful and a very wonderful healthy union which the Creator ordained from the beginning of creation.

How sad!

Answer 10

I'd say that the moral answer is that no one wins.

In my case, I'd say that I win. It will be tough to get over the pain of what she did, but in the end I will. She will forever have to live with knowing she ruined the best thing that ever happened to her.

And for the people that think a person cheats because her partner isn't holding up his end in the relationship, you are wrong. She should communicate to her partner what she feels, not go to someone else for it. If she wants to go elsewhere, no problem. Just tell him she's breaking up first. Cheating is choice.