What am I doing that is so wrong?

Question

My husband and I have been rocky for the past three months fights about little things. He feels he has to lie to me about where he is at, because he knows that I wont want him there. Today is V-day and he told me he is not coming home tonight, he doesnt want to see me and he doesn't want to talk to me. I guess his arguement is that I am coniving and he is sick of it... I dont want our relationship to be like this any more and he wont go to counciling... what can i do to put a stop to this argueing?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like he has done or is doing something that he feels guilty about. I don't know of any man who truly loves his wife who would intentionally not come home on Valentine's Day. I could always be wrong but I'd be willing to bet he isn't coming home because he's spending Valentine's Day with someone else. If he is indeed seeing someone else there is nothing you can do to change that. If you try to confront him or force him to spend time with you or even if you just try to calmly talk about the problems in your relationship it'll just make him angry. You fight about little things because he wants an excuse to leave. Of course, i only have one side of the story so I can't say any of this with certainty. My suggestion to you would be to go about your daily life as if nothing were wrong. Don't try to contact him. Find a hobby or go out with friends. It'll keep your mind busy so you don't go crazy thinking about what he's doing and when he sees you're not sitting at home pining for him he may see you in a different light. When you do see him be pleasant. Don't bring up anything negative. Ask him how his day was, if he wants anything to eat or if he needs his back rubbed. If he gets snappy don't retaliate. Just say, "If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know" and smile. Above all else, watch your back. Have proof of where you've been and who you were with. If you want to try to save your marriage this would be the worst time to do anything that would give him a reason to end the relationship.

Answer 2

Ever consider that he is having an affair?
It's one thing to not want to do anything for Valentine's day because of what has been going on between you two- but to declare that he is not coming home on this particular night 'just because' and making it about you... I think that he has other plans.

You say he is complaining about YOU and is not willing to go to counsel together. Being grumpy, bitching about little things to fight over and blaming you?

Check into phone records, email accounts, and anything else you can. This is not being a horrible wife, it's being concerned and self protective. You have to watch out for yourself, because if you think that he loves you enough- your wrong. Men (and women) get upset enough and will do anything. Don't make the mistake of being naive and trustfull right now.

You need to make a stand for you marriage if you still want it. It sounds like he is projecting his anger onto you. This is a really bad situation. Honestly, I would go to his work and intercept him while he's leaving. Tell him how much you love him and that you insist on being with him tonight. You will be able to tell by his reaction to this. If he gets angry with you, that you came to his work, telling him that you love him. And all he can do is be angry to that, saying that you didn't listen to what he told you eariler, then you know that this is NOT about you, but another woman.

Sorry.
Keep at it.
But I am serious about going over there, it may be your only chance to either save your marriage or learn the truth about something else.

Answer 3

I think that arguments are in the air! If I were you I would get dressed up in my most fav dress up clothes and i would go out somewhere that is having a special v. day party.If he is not going to come home then why should you sit there in misery wondering why,what happend and where is he!!!! My hubby just called & canceled our dinner plans because of work and pride on his part so i am a little hurt but if he told me he was not coming home....well you better beleive I would show him and not STAY at home! happy v. days sweetie

Answer 4

Pack your bags and if you have children, take them with you. This will snap him out of it, or into his other relationship he is probably having. Grab his attention, if you intend to stay married. Leave far away though, for at least a week regardless of his anger and many tears this may cause. If he doesn't care, and just keeps talking about the kids being away from him and not you, file your divorce quickly along with a protection order. Once your trust is broken, it is very hard to reestablish it without the proper mental counseling, and commitment to do so. Make sure he really means it though if he is willing to communicate, and do not move back in until you have at least 2-3 sessions under your belts. (From experience)

Answer 5

He's picking fights with you so he would have an excuse to leave home without you. Then he will blame it ON YOU because you argued with him. Sounds familiar? Typical behavioir of a CHEATER.

Be aware, he has someone else and that's why NOTHING that you do seem sto be right anymore. He will pick our fight over the silliest things, even the remote control, then make a HUGE argument about it so he would have an excuse to leave the house for hours.

Answer 6

you should take some time and make sure that he is who u wnat to be with forever. if so you need to ask ure self do u really trust him because if not there is a reason for it. he is fishy or ure jealous. either way its okay. but if its him then he is probably doing something that u doint know about because my ex did this to me. but if its not him its you.. calm down and when he does come home next be nice and pretend that your not upset even thought u will be and take it slow.. just be nice and dont start asking questions or anything if u trust him because then he will think that u trusted him. i dont think he is doing anything wrong he just thinks ure jealous. so show him ure not. and he will then miss the old u because u will no longer be curious and ask all sorts of questions. then he will begin to get jealous of u wondering why u dont care so much. (even though u really do) it works i promise!

Answer 7

Bobbi, the way you and your husband are going at each other endorses the need that you should get professional help. Your relationship reached a stage that trying to solve your differences on your own will give rise to more arguments. Have his parents talk to him and convince him to seek professional help if he wants to save his marriage, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Answer 8

Maybe he is cheating or thinking about cheating and his guilt causes him to lash out on you and try to blame you for the problems. That of course, is the worst case scenario. But something has happened! If you are doing everything in your power to save this marriage...then there is nothing else you can do. It takes two people to want to work hard at it. Go to counseling alone and see what a therapist would suggest.

Answer 9

He's arguing to drive you away from him. That way he has less guilt when he's cheating. And you DO know he's cheating if he knows you " wont want him there."

Get out while you can honey. Don't walk, run, to the divorce attorney.

Answer 10

He doesn't want to fix it so it's over. You don't want him to go somewhere and he still goes. There is no communication, trust or compromise. I'm sorry it's happening on Valentine's Day but it's over.