I need some help with my out of control son?

Question

My son is the best thing that ever happended to me, but since is father left he has been nothing but naughty all of the time. He is seeing a child pychologist at the moment for anger issues. He is 6 years old and very distressed about his father leaving. He was the one that wanted in on his father and my best friend in bed, and has had trouble getting over it. I have tried being really supportive but everything I do my son is resenting me as he thinks it is my fault why is father left. I am confused, how do I help him?

Answer 1

Poor little guy! And poor you too! At six years old he just doesn't have the tools to deal with this. It's really good that you're taking him to therapy. Keep loving him, remember when someone is most unlovable that when they need love the most. My son and I left his father due to abuse when he was two almost three. Even then my son had so much pent up anger he broke my nose! I just kept loving him and telling him what a great kid he is. And he really is a great kid, and I know yours must be too. Try to focus on the positive things your son does. If you don't see any the MAKE some. Even if it's as simple as telling him I'm so proud of you for brushing your teeth! His father is the one to blame but unfortantly it is usually the mother who gets blamed by boys. They tend to side with the father [although not always] and if you work with him he will see you for the wonderful person you are.

When we first left my son's father he hated me for it. Every night I laid down with him and told him what a wonderful soul he had, and what a good boy he was. Everything he did right I told him. We were in a domestic violence shelter at the time. I made sure I told everyone near us [when he was around] what accomplishment he made. Even if it seemed trivial. Right now your son may be REALLY blaming himself since he walked in on the two of them. And therefore it's focused on you. A lot of the time for some strange reason kids think it's their fault. And your son has a very good reason to think that. He found them and then you split up. You know it's not his fault, but please make sure HE knows it's not his fault.

Just love him, keep up with the therapy-that had to be very tramuatic for him-and reinforce how much you love him. He'll come around.

Good luck to you, and I'm very and truly sorry your ex did this to you. Esp with your so called best friend! You sound like you have it together so keep up the good work! Remember you need to greive too but please try to do so privately or with friends when your boy is not around. You can tell him you miss his daddy but please don't put down his daddy. I've never said anything bad about my son's dad even though he almost killed us both in one day. I don't do that because even though his father turned out to be one of the most evil people I ever met my son is still a part of him. It's hard, but please be careful.

Email me if you need to talk. I'll listen without judging!

Answer 2

I run a child's daycare center so i know your situation. I have sometimes 15 kids at a time and always seem to have them under control. here are some tips i've picked up in my excpirence and from what the children's mothers have told me: Do not hesitate to raise you voice, take away toys, send them in there room, no T.V. video games, exc. You have the authority here, don't let him forget it. I know it sounds mean but sometimes its the only way to get through to them. Its your job to distinguish right and wrong and show him. Its very important especially at such a young age. Your doing the right thing by being so supportive. Try sending him to a grandparents house for a weekend. Usually young children don't enjoy this to much so maybe he will relize how much he misses you and then you can use this as a "threat" the next time he acts up. The most important thing is to stick by your word. When you give him a punishment you must stick by it or he will walk all over you and the older he gets the worse it will get. Don't be swayed by him. Time out has always worked for me.

Answer 3

If i were you i would leave him alone for a while maybe a few days so that he can think it through and then when you think the time is right ask him if he has any questions about the whole situation. And if you feel that it is a must for him to understand then let him have some time with his father to talk about everything.

Answer 4

It is very difficult. The father really needs to be the one to tell your son that it was his fault and that he made a mistake. Explaining that you and your son had nothing to do with his actions. I know that may be impossible to get out of the father's mouth.. but if you are still talking to him.. I think you need to suggest it to him and see if he is willing to help out your son. Seeing the child pyschologist is good.. but nothing will beat him actually hearing it from daddy. I hope that you can resolve this and wish you luck.

Answer 5

Let him know in all ways that you love him.
Never criticize his Father or anything his Father does.
Remind him his Father loves him but may now be going through tough times. Remind him that all people make mistakes, even his Father but that his Father loves him above all.
He will realize on his own what is what when he gets old enough to logically think about all that has happened. He should not have to be concerned about whose fault it was that his Father left.
You must help him adjust to his Father being gone.

Answer 6

talk to his therapist about it and maybe you can have a family session all together I dont know if you still have contact with his father but if you do his ass needs to be present at this meeting also its his fault if not then have the therapist contact him and bring him in on a session also you shouldnt be going thru this because of his faults good luck with your son

Answer 7

sounds like you are doing the right thing already, getting him professional help. Poor little guy!! Be patient and loving, and talk to his counselor on how to help him. Good luck.