My boyfriend of 3 years has been distancing himself lately. He has been like this since he has been told at work that he won't get promoted. In his job it's extremely important. Since then he has not been happy, he does not seem to be enthusiastic about our relationship. He has been working hard, sometimes till 1 am and he seems upset about everything. We have had few discussions because I feel neglected and I am worried about our relationship. He says that he needs to focus right now, he needs to sort out his situation and find a new job, he says he is sorry for neglecting me but he has no choice. I met him last weekend and I could see he made the efforts to make it up to me but then he became distant again. He called me today to wish me Happy Valentine's Day, we are in a long-distance relationship. I was happy he called but as soon as I mention his job, he says he is tired, exhausted and he is looking for a new job. I am not even sure when I can see him next? What should I do?
2007-02-14 08:54:01 · 13 answers · asked by Elisa N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, long distance relationships very rarely work out. So, I am impressed by your three years.
So, your boyfriend has been working very hard, sometimes until 1 am? Indeed! Don't you know that "working late" is a very common excuse for cheaters?
The distant feeling is also a tell-tale sign of unfaithfulness. Do you ever have moments of awkward silence, like neither of you don't have much to say? That too is a tell-tale sign.
My take on it is this... he is possibly cheating with someone at work. He is telling you that he wants to change jobs because he didn't get the promotion. In reality, he wants to get away from the other woman. Maybe they had a thing going on for a while, and now the woman has moved on to some other guy, and it has become uncomfortable for your BF. That's why he wants to get another job.
A real man takes his losses and his lumps and moves on. The failure to get a promotion is no excuse for a man to neglect his woman, and act like a spoiled child.
Sorry. That's how I see it.
2007-02-14 09:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by Jack Chedeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A job can do this to men. I had this situation happen to me and for 3 years I stuck with it and hated every minute of it. Men feel more about a job then most women do. For us it's about pride and providing for our family. I did everything I had to in order to keep my job and this was a huge sacrifice to my wife, then girlfriend. I worked 60-70 hours a week so I could keep my boss off my back. Then I realized this didn't help me either. I was getting sick more, feeling tired and drained all the time, moody and my sex drive basically left. We were on the edge of her leaving me until I could get myself straightened out. I then saw the writing on the wall and decided that I had to do what is right for my health and her. A job can be replaced but those two usually can not be replaced. She started working two jobs and we saved up some money and I cashed out my 401k and all my savings and I quit my job. We were able to survive the next 3 months until I found a new job. Now I'm happy with my job, my boss is really cool, and I get more perks with this job. I know look back and couldn't understand why I stayed as long as I did. My health problems stopped and my personality came back as well as my sex drive. If I would have stayed with it all I would have no is a dead end job and nothing else.
2007-02-14 09:03:16 · answer #2 · answered by mac_attack_51 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
job-related problems really suck wheather you're a man or not. Most of the decent, honest, hard-working and talented men, I believe, wants to secure a better future for him and his gf/wife and also succeed and be the best in his workplace and when things don't turn out to be what he expected, he goes frustrated, worried and stressed. This is really normal and the man in question should set aside some time and counselling to get back in line.
If he really needs to get a new job, I think he should do it as soon as possible. Because the more he works in his current job, the more he would feel exploited.
I'm really sorry that he isn't giving you much time. However I sincerely hope you would give him enough time to fix up his problems and get back to you as a free, relaxed and happy man.
2007-02-14 09:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Same thing here hon. My hubbys company is being bought out and he is going through the same thing because the company doing the buying is a previous employer of my husband's and he isnt eligible for rehire through them and he is worried about his job and is neglecting me and his family and has even gone as far as to move out so he can "get his thoughts together". I chased it for a while but now I just do my own thing and if he calls then he calls. I miss him terribly and love him very much but I dont want him to see how bad this is hurting me. The more I dont call him the more I notice he is calling me. Thats how it should be. Find a hobby other than your boyfriend and you will see.
2007-02-14 09:02:43 · answer #4 · answered by finallyfree 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your relationship is true and (normally) healthy, he needs your support right now, not your whining for attention.
Remember guys are pretty much linear thinkers - they focus intently on the issue/problem/situation immediately in front of them, to the detriment of everything else. They are problem solvers. He is focussed completely on not feeling successful in his career, and is trusting that the relationship is okay. Women seem to have more capacity to worry about multiple issues all at once (like career, family, relationship, etc.).
If your relationship is strong, then you need to help him work through this, find a new job (maybe one closer to you?) and feel happy and successful again.
2007-02-14 09:01:52 · answer #5 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
O boo hoo, your man is working his *** off and you sit there sobbing the man is tired leave him be ....the man is overworked ,but he called you to say happy valentines day which says you are on his mind ..and you are worried about poor old you......c'mon If my girlfriend was like that I would end it right now , plus you are in a long distance relationship ...those rarely work out anyway..so why you crying
2007-02-14 09:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by Insensitively Honest 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to look at it in the way he is looking at it, that promotion that he worked so hard for, just might of been cause he wanted it so he and you could get married, and he could give you the nice things in life, so since that fell through, now he is trying to fugure out how he can get another good paying job, that will appreatie his work, and he could make advancement in the job, so he could support a family, and a wife that he loves very much, so try to be supportive to him on his , cause men really are proud, and have a lot of pride in supporting their loved ones, so please let him know that you are supportive of him, and do not expect him to be giveing you all the attaction that you want right now, let him work out what he needs to work out, then things will be back to normal for the two of you.
2007-02-14 09:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Still a BOY-friend after three years. Well that says a lot don't it.
2007-02-14 09:15:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
pull away from him show him he is going to loose you if he cares he will change if not your relationship will end but at least you will have found out sooner rather than later
2007-02-18 07:30:22 · answer #9 · answered by AvaZiannDuke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a major concern for men--their job..simply listen...don't push too hard and be there for him in his time of need.
2007-02-14 08:58:54 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋