Anyone feel like V-day is a sham because their spouse is anti-sex?

Question

... and they have no erotic joy in their life because they in effect have no sex partner in their life, and because they are married, they don't want anyone else, and they can't legitimately get with someone else either.

In other words, isn't V-day the everlovin' pits for those forced into sexlessness by their anti-sex or sex averse spouse?

Just reading the cards about how great they make your life cuts like a knive when all you get is neglect and/or sexual rejection.

You don't have to answer publicly if you're ashamed (though it's not your fault). Write to me at my email or

www.groups.yahoo.com/group/swa...
www.swagesupport.blogspot.com

Thanks, Wise Advice

paulamarie27,

Wow... of course you guessed correctly. I have horrible communication skills and it's my fault my spouse is sex averse.

I suppose its the fault of battered spouses when they get beat.

Thanks for your thoughtlessness.

Answer 1

A relationship such as the one you describe is a great misfortune any day of the year.

Answer 2

They do cut... I have to agree. Me and my wife are physically NON-inimate (her choice) and have been that way for a few years with on-again/off-again bouts of sexual interest, mostly off. It has been almost a year of complete non-intimacy... the longest yet, so to say that it "cuts like a knife" is an understatement to me.

I have no problem answering this publicly... ashamed as I am, it is not of MY choosing... I am a very sexual creature... the wife, obviously not-so. I pick cards that mostly are reminiscent... looking back at the 'good' times and not so currently talking about our state of love or especially passion, since there is none.

I know I am not alone and there are so many spouses in similar situations... according to recent research, it's an epidemic, sadly. Marriage should be intimate, full of romance and passion, however people CHANGE and sadly, many times those changes are in different directions. That is our case, unfortunately - I cannot figure this woman out... and on Friday the 16th, we celebrate our 16th anny. Not sure how many more we will have, though, although at this point, divorce is NOT an option.

I feel for all those spouses stuck in similar situations... married to an attractive spouse whom you have feelings for and still love without intimacy is like having a nice fancy sports car, but being not allowed to drive it.

Answer 3

Honey.. if you are in a relationship that is one sided, either face the issues head on or get out. You know if you keep repeating the same actions over and over you will always get the same outcome. Shake it up a little and see what happens.. the worst that could happen is that something would change, maybe not for the better, but at least you would be moving in a different direction. There are specific reasons with both men and women why they shut down emotionally and sexually with their partners.. you have to find out the reason why for yourself. You most likely won't like the answer, but it's a start. Good luck. Peace.

Answer 4

It sounds to me as though your spouse has some depression. I know it is probably hard to not take it personally, but it obviously isn't your fault. Do you think you can convince her to see a therapist or reach out for help in another manner? It may sound corny, but what if you started working out together. It is an activity you can share and the act of exercise increases endorphins which make people feel good. The worst thing to do is to criticize her for her lack of ardor, it will make her feel worse and just continue. Try to focus on all of the good things about her, the things that she does do for you and I bet things will improve.

Answer 5

Honesty and communication are the keys to a happy marriage.
Talk to your wife about setting aside one day a week for a date night, or give her massages and JUST massages.
Be kind and sweet and understanding.
Some people just don't like having sex and have no interest in sex.
Be romantic with each other and show and tell her how much you truly care for her.
You could try marriage counseling, too.
The best of luck !!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

cant say that i do....i have a very horny fiancee and am looking forward to a night of lots and lots of "fun time" with him.....did you ever think that maybe your wife doesn't want to have sex with you because you have bad communication skills....the better and more often you talk and discus things the better off in bed you will be....make her feel wanted, loved and special....do something nice for her and i bet she will do something "nice" for you........

well apparently you are doing something wrong, women just dont change overnight.......if she was attracted to you and in love with you then she should be jumping at the chance to have sex with you.....obviously there is something wrong with you.....if you are so unhappy than quite bitching on her looking for sympathy and do something about it....see a therapist or get a divorce......why do men always fear woman who are educated and speak their mind....we have to listen to you all the time as least you can do is listen to us without getting all defensive.........women have sex with people they have a connection to and when they feel emotionally safe.....you are doing something wrong....and from you attitude i can guess what that is, and oh yeah one more thing....how many times are you going to post this question, it seem like you post that same thing about every couple of hours or so....stop coming on here and go spend some time with your wife, if i see this question again i will report it because you are pretty much just advertising your website and crap, oh and you are welcome i am thoughtless to everyone who rants and raves about nonsense like this, go give yourself a pitty party if no sex is such a big deal to you it is not the only thing that matters in a relationship, get over yourself...........just my thoughts

Answer 7

If my wife decided she wasn't going to have sex with me anymore, I'd probably find someone else to take care of that aspect for me.

Answer 8

They do shrink... I actual ought to agree. Me and my spouse are bodily NON-inimate (her decision) and function been that way for decades with on-lower back/off-lower back bouts of sexual pastime, oftentimes off. it is been very virtually a twelve months of finished non-intimacy... the longest yet, in order to say that it "cuts like a knife" is a authentic understatement to me. I actual don't have any difficulty answering this publicly... ashamed as i'm, it isn't of MY picking... i'm a very sexual creature... the spouse, for sure no longer-so. I p.c.. playing cards that oftentimes are reminiscent... searching lower back on the 'solid' circumstances and not in any respect so at present speaking about our state of love or somewhat pastime, in view that there is none. i recognize i'm no longer on my own and there are such extremely some spouses in similar circumstances... in accordance to recent analyze, it truly is a deadly disease, regrettably. Marriage must be intimate, finished of romance and keenness, notwithstanding human beings replace and regrettably, many circumstances those variations are in diverse guidelines. that is our case, regrettably - i won't be able to make sure this lady out... and on Friday the sixteenth, we've a good time our sixteenth anny. no longer efficient what percentage more beneficial we would have, although, besides the actual undeniable reality that at this factor, divorce isn't an option. i think for all those spouses stuck in similar circumstances... married to an acceptable spouse whom you've emotions for and nonetheless love with out intimacy is like having a effective fancy events vehicle, yet being no longer allowed to force it.

Answer 9

how many times do you think you need to advertise your email address looking for a lonely married woman? do you honestly think you are writing to stupid people? Go to married cheaters . com and find a hag that is a cheater just like yourself.

Answer 10

yes