Marriage scares me...?

Question

I don't know if i ever want to get married. I hear all the time that the excitement wears off and it gets boring. And it's true to some degree in every marriage. Once the infatuation and excitement wears off, that's when true love begins, but usually at that point the relationship goes sour or the couple gets miserable.

For me to get married, i would want to find the perfect person for my personality and for my personality to be perfect for him, which is probably impossible....ick, it's so scary to me, what do you think?

Answer 1

I agree with you (to some extent).

But I wouldn't want to spend my life moving on to another person once things settle down...and it will.

And sure, it's possible to maybe find your perfect mate...but that doesn't mean that in that relationship, it will never feel like things "seem" like they've gone a little sour--find the one that you know will be willing to work with you to get you both out of that rut.

this is bothering you, so let me offer you a little comic relief:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2626082894962758076&q=one+night+stand

Answer 2

It should scare you, because you are pledging to God, the other person and yourself that you will stay together and not do anyone else. You also pledge to be a good spouse to the other person. If it didnt scare you, you should be worried. It is a shame that more people dont take it more seriously.

Now, I am curios, are you scared that you wont get what you like or want or deserve or are you scared that you wont hold up your end of the deal? Dont laugh. Think about it. If it always is the other person who scares you, it might be you who wont make a good spouse.

Next, of course the newness and some fun wears off. Women have these fairytale ideas of how a man or marriage is suppose to be. Just as soon as you can fulfill all the fantasies that the man has about his wife and marriage, you can expect all of fantasies of yours fulfilled too. If you have ever had a decent car and still bought another one, you find that you always want to drive the new one, even if the old car is fine. The first day on vacation is more cool then the last day is, because it is new and so forth. Get it?

You have to be really honest and realistic. The bad traits in the person you date are going to remain, as yours will. You cant change them or love them out. You just have to decide if you can actually deal with them as they are or not. Once you commit, you have to be prepared to do it til you die. You also have to find the other person who has that same idea or they will leave you.

One of the things I would suggest is that you read 2nd Corinthians. It will give you a good idea of how love and marriage is suppose to be. If you cant be that, dont marry. Until you find the guy that can be that, dont marry.

Answer 3

Well, marriage is a big thing and if you're never ready for it or if you never like the idea of marriage, you'd probably best never get married. You'll just be miserable.

When your married, it is true that once the infatuation and excitement wears off is when true love begins. No one can always be happy forever.Unless you're on,like, some sort of drug.

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and love each other SO much, but we do have our little arguments and disagreements. But that's just because we are two very different people.

No one can agree with everyone all of the time. It'd be dull.
And lead to poor conversations.

How long marriage lasts depends how honest a husband and wife are with each other, and how good their communication is.

Answer 4

If you are boring and unispired, your marriage will be as well. That's not to say that you are not going to have to motivate your spouse every now and again, but those time should be few and far between and not the norm. Nobody is "perfect" for another person. We all have to strive to be a better person each day. That's what makes marriages work. Life or relationships are not fairytales. There are real emotions, issues, and insecurities at work. If you approach marriage as all excitement all the time, of course you will be dissappointed.

You have to ask yourself everyday, "Why would anyone want to be married to me?" That'll keep things in focus.

Answer 5

All I can tell you is from our own personal experience. We've been happily married almost 37 yrs. and we have friends that are married, re-married and divorced, so we've certainly seen it all.

I think that if two people have enough common interests and they're both emotionally mature enough to live together in harmony, everything should work out just fine. Of course, there are no guarantees, but then it's not like a relationship is rocket science, either.

If you both have a healthy sexual appetite for one another and enjoy doing other things together, I can't see that the "excitement" would ever wear off.

Besides being good lovers and being generally compatible, we see ourselves as "team mates," too. It's basically me and her against the world. We support each other.

Just trust me; if there's love and a sufficient sense of compromise and forgiveness, everything should work out for you.

Life is a gamble, anyway. You put your heart on the table and place your bets.

Answer 6

You're asking the wrong question. There is no such thing as "marriage" - or if there is, it is strictly an abstract idea.

What is real is "I want to be with this person for the rest of my life." THAT's marriage. And as you will change during the years, so too will your partner. So will the relationship - ok, the marriage. it's the being together.

Most marriage ceremonies contain words like - for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Young people, in the rush of love and lust and excitement, don't pay much attention. Being with someone who is handsome or pretty, full of life and energy - that's fun. Being with someone who is sick - being with someone when youdon't have enough money to get food - being with someone when you're angry and they're depressed and - that's what real love is all about.

No point worrying about it in the abstract - when you meet the right person, it all takes shape. If you are ready to make a serious commitment for the rest of your life - you'll be fine.

Won't always be easy - won't always be fun. But if you stay with it, it gets better and even gets very very good. Today, too many people bail out too soon - they don't give it and themselves enough of a chance.

When you find the right person - the only thing that will scare you is NOT spending your life with them.

Answer 7

Once you find the right person it won't be scary. You will know it's the right thing to do.

It does change after the first year or so but it's fun to find new and exciting things to do. My husband and I set new goals each year - things to strive for - things to do, places and people to see etc. . And we just recently had a baby (very exciting) so life is never boring now. It's a whole new chapter in our lives.

Marriage isn't always easy - you do have to work at it but it's a real blessing. My husband is a massive part of my life and I couldn't imagine going through life without him.

Answer 8

*LOL* It has not wore off for us. My hubby and I are happy and have a stronger sexual relationship than when we were first married. My perfect man was solar opposite of my ideal perfect man. He is handsome, but he is so different from me, but we have things in common. People vary and it is very usual for some people to be scared. Just look at all the relationships that do not work out. However, I have seen several old couples who live until death loving each other. My parents divorced and half of my siblings, but I also see all that remain together and have a wonderful life. I am blessed, some people just put on a routine, but then there are people who are lucky in their choices. Our sexual relationship is even better now because not only do we know what each other likes, but we have great love for each other.

Answer 9

For a long time I had a picture in my head of the kind of marriage I wanted...and the kind of man I wanted. I asked myself some hard questions...am I the kind of woman to be able to attract that kind of man?

And I made some changes in myself...not so much for the other person but I was willing to let go of some things in order to have what I wanted. I didn't find a perfect man. But I found the perfect man for me. I didn't think I would find someone and it took my husband and I a long time to find each other. I think what scares me the most is losing him.

Our courtship was very exciting and 99% of our waking thoughts were about each other. It is not like that now...but I wouldn't want it to be. (And he wouldn't either.) When you find the man you want to build a life with, your focus changes. It is not 100% about you but rather on what you are creating together. It isn't boring but rather an inbreath sometimes. He told me the other day he still pinches himself to see if he is dreaming or I am really his wife!

When you find the right one for you and he finds you...you will just know. It won't happen until it is Gods time for it (not yours...lol) and it will happen when you are both ready.

Answer 10

I think, you will find someone who is not necessarily "perfect", but who is compatible with you, and whos company you enjoy. No one is "perfect", but sometimes the good qualities in someone are so compelling, and the negative qualities are so tolerable, that the combination proves irresistable! :)

I think, it helps to experience various relationships, and to get better at self-introspection, at interpreting your own emotions. Then you will be able predict more accurately if there's more to a given relationship than just the "excitement". It is really something you have to learn to see through. Intuition can be a powerful tool, if you know how to use it. Don't be "scared" of marriage - no one will make you get married if you don't want to; explore at your own pace! Sure, there are no guarantees, and anytime you get involved with another person (be it in marriage or not) you're opening yourself up to hurt and disappointment. Eventually you just have to decide whether the idea of having long-term companionship is worth this risk to you. I think it is; I don't regret having been married before, and I really enjoy my current marriage; of course, I hope this one will work out, but if it doesn't - I know I will try again. To me, the jackpot is worth the gamble.

Answer 11

Being married for eight years, I can definitely say there are many phases to a marriage. The trick is to make an effort. Marriage is not easy, that's for sure. However, it is definitely worth the trouble. People give up too easily or do not compromise like they should. That is afterall what marriage is all about, hard work and lots of compromising. The key to a successful marriage is COMMUNICATION. Sure the falling in love mode and new love is fun, but there's alot to be said for someone that knows you better than yourself. It feels great when you wake up everyday next to the person you want to share your life with. Respect and love each other always...don't ever let either get away from you. Don't be afraid to stand your ground, but also be willing to pick and choose your battles wisely. Picking someone more like you and has simular background to you is the best match, in my opinion. I was 25 when I got married, but would have been fine hadn't I not met him to be single. However, he changed my opinion and I have not regreted it one bit!