my daddy can't let go......?

Question

Ok well when I was two and my sister was 10 months my daddy left.Just like that without a word.Him and my ma always faught and he was an addict and alcholalic and he beat me and my ma.He stole stuff from us etc.So he left and that's the last I've ever heard or seen of him (10yrs).Until today.It's Valentine's day today and my daddy's in prison until 5-18-13.He sent me a card and a letter.saying he was sorry for the past and that it needed to be forgotten and that he wanted 1 more chance!And then I got a phone call from him today too.And that's what he said.But it's not just my past.I have to remember it everyday and it made me who I am today and it's still apart of me.Those images in my mind, they are my present and they shape my furure.i begged him not to go.I shed so many tears after that day.And I wrote him so many letters and nothing came back.He has 4 other kids beside me and my sister!
He has destroyed so much.How can i tell him no so he will leave me alone, No more CHANCES. How?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you are going through this. When you get mail from him, write refused on it and send it back. When he phones, hang up on him. Try not to let it get to you. If your family can afford it, some counseling sessions may help. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Be careful how you deal with this. My father did something when I was 18 and I never forgave him nor him me. And now I'm almost 40, my dad's dead and I don't even think I ever knew him. Maybe your dad didn't write back because mentally he wasn't mature enough. I am sure prision can change a person, or at least it should.

In the end though, only you can really answer this question. It's hard I know but you need to really think about this, and maybe even discuss it with your sister.

To me if there was abuse like you say then I'd stay away. I have only spoken to my mother maybe 10 times since I was 14 because she abused me.

The only way you can get him out of your life if that's what you so choose is to stop the communication now. Don't take his calls and return his letters unopened. If you can easily do that then it's time to let him go. If you can't stop reading his letters or taking his calls then maybe you still want him in your life. I think all girls really want a strong father that they can cling to when the times get tough. If you don't have that then it's very hard. I know.

Answer 3

this is truly a tough situation for you. i am so so sorry that you had to go through this. i can't really tell you to give him another chance or not to. it is up to you. however, i can give you some advice from both sides of the situation.

your side- i understand why you do not want him in your life. you are right for feeling the way you do. he had no right what so ever to do this to you and your mom. on top of this, you must tell yourself that there is a reason that he is behind bars for as long as he is. obviously he has not learned from his mistakes. he has missed so much of your life and there is no possible way to get that back not to mention all of the heartache he has caused you and your mom. these are all good reasons for not getting in touch with him

his side- after all he is human. human's make mistakes. not discounting in any way what he did and put you and you mom through. sitting in prison is going to give him a lot of time to think of the mistakes that he made. maybe he is realizing this and wants to at least try to repair his relationship with you. now i know that it will never be whole again and that is normal but maybe just enough to let you know that he is genuinely sorry.

i would not be able to forget what happened if i were you either but it is best that you try to forgive. if not for him, for you. by the time your dad gets out, he will have had a lot of time to think about his mistakes and what his life has become. when he gets out, take the time to see whether or not he has truly changed or not. if he has then give him another chance but if not just tell him to butt out of your life. there is no way to turn back time. if there was, this world would be a lot better. just take these things as they come. you are a strong person because if you weren't, you would not have been able to have make it to where you have today. hopefully everything will work out for you in the end and i am sure it will. make the best decision that you think you can make. only you know truly what to do. i am just trying to help you weigh your options. hope this has helped you and again i am sorry for what you have went through. remember, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." don't forget this. good luck.

Answer 4

oh bless you pet it must be such a difficult time for you, i have an idea of what you are going through cos my nieces live with me now they are age 8 and 11, the 11 year old is having a lot of problems trying to come to terms with why her mum has treated her like this, she had very similar experiences as you, and her mum has only recently started contact after 6 years. could you speak to your mum about this? or maybe your grandparent? i know you will be very angry with your daddy and no-one could blame you for that. its true that you don't have to accept his calls and letters. maybe you could write to him explaining how you feel. i really hope you work it out. good luck and god bless you. x

Answer 5

Maybe some day you will want to have contact with your father, but obviously you do not want to right now.

It is OK for you to send him a letter that says something like: "I received your apology. Thank you. I am not ready to communicate with you. Please do not send me any more letters or cards. Please do not call me. I will contact you if and when I am ready to talk to you."

And as someone else said, it's OK not to accept the collect call from him. If he sends any more cards or letters, you can choose to read them, put them away to read some time in the future, throw them away, or mark them "return to sender."

Answer 6

I don't think it's a good idea to cut him completely out of your life. Yes there is associated pain and bad memories but you can't live in the past.

On the other hand I don't see where you are ready to let him back into your life. I would tell him that. Tell him you need time and it may be quite some time. If he loves you as much as he seems to, he will give you that time.

Things can work out for both of you but time is the key.

Answer 7

You can not accept his collect calls from the jail and return his letters unopened (just write return to sender on the envelope).
Have you talked to someone (an adult- not a friend your own age who doesn't have anymore life experience than you do) about your feelings to help you sort them out? It may help- you sounds really hurt and angry (and have every right to be!). It may help.

Answer 8

its not to late to start a relationship with him no matter how you put it he is still your father and if he is in jail he has more than enough time to realize his mistakes dont turn your back from him eventhogh he did it to you but you should consider on forgiving him let him know how you feel he cant turn his back on you now make him listen to everything you have to say how has he made you feel remember he has made you a stronger person

Answer 9

Please don't completely shut him out of your life. At least he is trying. I understand how you are feeling but maybe if you talk to him a couple times a month you will be able to accept him more. You won't forget those memories but if you talk to him you may learn a lot about why he did what he did........

Answer 10

i know this won't really help but i just want u to watch this music viedo called daddy's little girl
by frankie j
check it out
http://music.yahoo.com/ar-300615---Frankie-J

ps: PLEASE tell me what u think