THE OTHER WOAMN ASKS: Why is it my fault?

Question

I meet a man. He tells me that he and his wife are splitting. We get to know one another. A relationship starts. He moves out (just as he said he would). We have a stronger relationship. Maybe we marry, maybe we don't? I am not blaming the wife, but why blame me?

OK. WOMAN. He didn't want me for my typing.

She doesn't blame me. Not that I know of. His family and others blame me. It took him 4 months to move out. But what difference does that make?

Answer 1

Sweetheart. Don't you know that in only 10% of the cases they stay with the one they use to leave? My husband left with a woman and now has dumped her and is looking for someone not caught up in the shame (his) of the adultery. Hopefully you will have a better outcome. Despite all that you have done, you seem like a nice person.

Answer 2

You are being blamed because you ae the OTHER woman.
You called yourself that and it's true.

Lots of people who are married go through rough patches, and often think about getting a divorce. This usually passes, as the couple works throught the problems. This is now different than having that tough time at work and wanting to quit. Everyone goes through fatalistic times with things in their life.

You entered a marriage durring one of these times.
Chances are, if you didn't- he would still be with his wife. And that's not a bad thing. Since you were there, you were able to take advantage of him when he was weak, he was able to take advantage of you as a distraction from his problems. Being with you, naturally became a 'type' of relationship thus giving him actual reason to move out and 'leave' his wife.

Without you, he would have had to face things on his own. Either fix the problem, or decide to leave his marriage and move on. Meeting you was not special, you are only a CATALIST for what is going on right now. DO NOT be suprised if this does not last and he chooses to go home! After all, he should.

YOU are a CATALIST, nothing more.
YOU do not belong in his marriage, ether as a 'soloution' or 'problem'!

Answer 3

Because whether you come in after the marriage has fallen apart or while it's falling apart,her mind tells her that he probably was doing this the whole time they were together, and in most cases that's not true. If he decided to stay married, and not leave his wife then I can understand her blaming you for trying to come between them,but since you stated that he did in fact move out then you shouldn't feel guilty over something that was going to happen whether you was in the picture or not. And that's something woman need to realize men are going to do what they want, no one makes them do anything.They should be mad at them and blame them for not trying to hold the relationship together, it's mostly the woman that do all the work.It's there men that go out looking around,and it's their lies most of the time that makes a woman think that they are available. So in your situation I wouldn't worry about it.If she thinks about her relationship and what went wrong with it, she wouldn't blame the other woman, and sometimes it's easier to blame them than herself.Good luck to you and be careful because usually when a man leaves one he will do it to another.

Answer 4

Well, someday when you are married and your husband is cheating on you with another woman - regardless if you are having a bad patch in your marriage, you will feel differently.

I once dated and lived with a man for five years who was separated from his wife. I never understood her pain until it happened to me later when I was married. It's just always a bad idea to step into that situation.

They might have reconciled had you not come into the picture. There are so many unmarried or unattached men out there, why would you pick one who obviously still had connections?

In general, society finds huge fault with a woman or a man who goes after a married person, even if they are on their way out. They still need time to disconnect from the prior relationship and that takes a little time.

You let him use you as a crutch to get over his break up with his wife and you are using him to be able to say to yourself that you are sexy and wonderful enough to steal a man away from his wife - admit it, you like that idea don't you?

Someday when you grow up some and are in a marriage situation yourself you will see the big picture and see why you should never date or have a relationship with a married individual - ever.

Answer 5

Everyone makes their own choices. Personally, I prefer to date men who have no attachments. So if a man is just separated, I will not date him. Well, I wont date anyone now because I am engaged. Anyway, I think it is better to wait until someone is divorced before dating him, but that is my preference. I would rather be with someone who is ready to move onto a new life. Also I wouldn't want to even date someone until time has gone by on the old relationship to avoid the whole rebound thing.

It is easier to avoid those kind of misunderstandings that those people are passing onto you.

You didn't break up their relationship so I don't see why anyone would be blaming you for its demise.

Answer 6

Well in my book you're not totally to blame, however, you knew he had a wife in the beginning. Him saying they are splitting up doesn't make it so, you should have figured at that point he was NOT "on the market" word of warning "Never consider a man "back on the market" until you see proof of a final decree of divorce. So yeah...you ARE partly at fault. He is partly at fault because he is well aware that he IS still married and by that token "not on the market" As ab adult he should not have gotten you mixed up in it and IF he wanted a relationship with you should have gotten is divorce FIRST before pursuing a relationship with you. Had you not have begun the relationship before a divorce they MAY have reconciled, you MAY have found a guy with no other attachments...So yeah it's partly your fault.

Answer 7

As long as women keep believing men's excuses to cheat on their wives, lawyers will have plenty of business.

Darling, they are all OH so miserable in their marriage so naive women like you will run to show them that love IS real and possible.

Then guess what? He will live with you, make you cook and do the laundry and he will never marry you. He will make the excuse that he doesn't want to "hurt" the kids, that is "too expensive", that "if is not broken, why fix it". etc.

A cheater ain't no catch. You would have to iron his shirts without the priviledge of a pension, health insurance and will always hear the excuse that "he was "badly " hurt before and that he "doesn't want to "ruin" things with you by getting married." Haha!

And then you ask... whose fault is it? Well, yours. And his wife will be laughing all the way to the BANK.

Good luck

Answer 8

Divorce law has traditionally required a waiting period. This allows couples to experience separation and being on their own. Often during this period they see that the marriage wasn't so bad. Some reconcile after a separation. The man's wife may be doing everything in her power to mend the marriage. She has much invested in it. It could be the whole foundation of her life. If you were the one contemplating a breakup, would you want your partner to take up immediately with someone else rather than giving your relationship every possible opportunity for its repair? If you do this to another human being you give them permission to do the same thing to you. Think long and hard. Are you acting in the best interests of everyone or are you acting out of your own selfish desire for companionship?

Answer 9

Sometimes people will start a relationship with someone new to either show there ex that someone new wants them and to make the pain go away. If he would have waited he may not have brought you into the middle of this. he may have gotten back with her or when they did end it, you could have entered his life without the drama from all that you are dealing with now. No matter what you do now,,it will look like you had a part in his leaving or not going back to his wife. Its never a good idea to date someone that is seperated. Its unfair to them, there family and of course to you. You were listening to him tell you it was over, when in fact, he was looking for someone to help him get over it.
Now you are in a situation with someone, that even if he fully leaves his wife, you will never get along with his family and you will probably not trust him either. My advice,,if oyu want to be happy, get out while you can and before it gets to deep. You should follow your heart and your mind. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Because you knew he was still married. You also knew it was as much about sex as anything else. So basically, you are blamed for being an immoral and slutty women, as you should be.

The marriage is between him and her, and neither of them are probably any better then you are to be honest. Both of them are probably too busy acting wrongly yet blaming the other to ever figure out it is both of them that is the problem. But that doesnt let you off the hook for who, how, what you are nor for your part in it.

Cry foul at this answer all you want. If you cant prove it wrong or factually dispute it, then accept it and learn something from it.