My Valentines gift was his lover contacting me! what do i Do?

Question

ok i just received a very disturbing mail from my bf lover with details after details of how they had sex over and over every where and when and WOW those details...I confronted my “bF” about this and he told me that this all happened when we had broken up we broke up a couple of months ago for a week or so… but his lover told me they have been seen each other for months!

I feel terrible I have no friends where we live all my family and friend are 1000 miles away.

I have a good job and I don’t know what to do? We Live together have a lease together on an apartment we practically have merged accounts economically we are combined!

The only place I can go after work is to the apartment where he is going to be at I don’t know what to do??

What would you do?

Answer 1

talk to a lawyer and get him out now.......

Answer 2

Wow! So sorry to hear this. You may have a lease together, but he is still responsible for half of the rent anyway. You sure don't want a cheater. Make sure your money is safe first. This is probably all true. Can you pay the rent alone, or move to a smaller apt? Your bf and his lover must of got into a fight. Your bf will really be mad at his lover now! So be ready for all the forgiveness bull talk. Trouble is, if he's cheated once, and for this long, he will probably do it again. You have a choice to take your name off the lease and go back home, or kick is butt out. Be strong my friend, remember your worth and better than this!!

Answer 3

Ok - I know that you're totally freaking out. I know exactly how you feel right now. Its like the world is being pulled out from under you.

I am in a similar (but not as extreme) situation; I live with my guy and we're 1000 miles from home, too. Its like, he's all I have here in this new town.

You have to grab hold. Get a grip on the situation. Sort out your thoughts before you start throwing things.

Right now, you don't have a choice about where you live, so you gotta live there right now. Don't go thinking about a hotel or a shelter or anything like that.

My next thought was to talk to him about it and really straighten it out - but what kind of chick does something so venomous? So hateful? And if it happened months ago, why is she doing this now?

I think he's a rat and you need to try to kick him out of the apartment. If he won't go, you just keep your chin up until you can find another place to live.

See girls, this is why I always say, have $1000 handy at all times in case you have to jam.

Men are scum.

Answer 4

Move sweetheart... one week is a very small time to forget about u do all that and be back with u ... plus where was hei n that one week... in her place?.. then ask him to move there permnently ... and also email this girl back saying she can have him ... go to the bank right now and transf ur money out to a new account, then go home go to sleep.. if u can ... in the morning u'll be in better state of mind to sort out the crap.
Speak to him to see if all that she says is true (take a print of the email )....
Move OUT or Kick him OUT.... leave him ... U do not deserve a weak person like him .
Good luck ....

Answer 5

I would start to un merge your accounts immediately. Take yourself off his and get your own. If you have a good job and can support yourself in the apartment then have him taken off the lease, or if you would prefer to leave if things don't work out, then have yourself taken off the lease. The ultimate decision is up to you, but I would definitely start taking a few steps back to protect yourself from being broke and homeless if things don't work out. Sorry you are having such a crummy Valentines day.

Answer 6

I'd approach this by looking at motives:

The only reason your bf's lover would do this is to rile you, drive you mad, make you feel like ****, frustrated, cornered, ...you name it. She appears to be worried whether she is a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'm case or feels she may get to that...... Insecurity personified.

Why? Does she read in your bf's eyes that he is thinking of you while things are supposedly happening with her? YOU can guage this in your bf's eyes and reactions. IF he has lost it for you, then its your call....if the spark is still there, then its your turn to laugh off her mail....Would you love to see her face when she hears you laugh her calisthenics off!

Giving in to emotions makes you lose out.

Now HIM. If he has done this, the question is WHY? A man will only willingly tie himself to a woman, not unwillingly. A man loses his fire when he is worked up physically, mentally and unto his soulstrings....Do a reality check on how you have been together.....Write down your findings whether positive negative or in-between.

Then you gotta find someone who can help you through your findings....someone very close to you who you trust...Don't break you head about money issues at this stage. Handle the emotions and resolve them first.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

That's hard. Can you dump him and then get a hotel room until you can find another apartment? You definitely need to dump him...if he hadn't seen the girl for months, why would she still be bitter enough about it to contact you on Valentine's Day?

I know it's hard to dump him and move on, but I just did it after 7 1/2 years and we had a house together. I went and closed our joint account, turned off his cell phone and changed the locks on the doors at our house. He got the clue real quick.

Answer 8

First thing in the morning, go to your bank and if you have a joint account, take your name off of it and open your own account at another bank. If your name is on the electrical, cable, phone or any other service you may have, take your name off of those as well. Talk to your boss and co-workers and see if maybe you can rent a room from one of them until you can find your own place.

Beleive it or not, she is doing you a favor by telling you this now before you get more involved with him than you are now.

Good luck
PS: play Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats" for him!

Answer 9

I would start planning now to dump this guy. Start looking on Craigslist for a new apartment or room that you could get on short notice with a minimal security deposit. Go to the bank and get your own seperate account, and pull all of your money out of the joint account and put it in the new individual account.

As for friends - haven't you formed any ties with your co-workers? If not, now's a good time to get to know the people you work with. Also, you should start going out on the regular - go to Starbucks or to a bar, become a regular and get to know the workers and the customers who come there every day.

It's time for you to walk out of this knucklehead's life!!!

Answer 10

Girl....I feel for you. That's some mess-up stuff. I hate to say it, but trust your instinct. What's your gut telling you. If I was you, I'll find out the truth. I'll pretend, nothing has happen, but spy, go Thur his stuff, and little by little, remove myself away from him. Starting with the joint account. Open one with you name first, and gradually take the rest of the money, and leave him penny-less. And if you want out that bad, have him taken off the lease and call the authority, unless you're able to get a place of your own away from him. good luck.

Answer 11

Go home early. Pack enough to last you through Monday. Go to a hotel with a spa. Hang out in the restaurant and bar every night. Make it near your job so that you can go to work every day ( but sleep late. ha ha)Let one relative know where you are. You don't want to face him now. You want to be cool and collected when you do. Take out money everyday from the ATM and write yourself a big check to another new account.
Lesson - NEVER live with a guy.