I have been married for six years n was in love with my boyfriend so called husband for 8yrs. I've recently found out tht he cheated on me with his friend's wife, I read the emails which they ve exchanged,he says tht was only a temporary phase tht went on for 3 yrs even after our marriage but now they r not in touch with each other. I feel devistated n broken at this moment n don't kenow what to do? I've no one withe me to share my feelinrgs expect my 3yr old daughter. he says evrythng is over but how can I trust him? what if there are more emails like this with other women too. and if everythng was over 3 years ago why he's kept all those emails. I'm too far from my family at this time n don't know where this thing is heading in my life? you love n trust sumone for 9 years n then u get to know such kind of scerets,pls guide me to take a right decision.
2007-02-14 07:37:04 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LEAVE NOW
2007-02-14 07:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by Nina Lee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are always so quick to tell you to dump some guy, or lady... but it depends upon what your feelings are and if you wish to save this relationship.
Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, so for now the trust is gone, with his betrayal of you.... and it is indeed pretty hard to get over the visual of the guy pronging another lady. So with the sharing of his passion for someone else, the other two are in the toilet along with everything.... right now you don't have a relationship, you have a roommate, and an occasional boinking buddy, which you probably resent.... big time. And you have every right to resent.
If you wish to save this, get into counseling,,,, you by your self, even if he won't go. You need some help sorting your feelings. Be aware going in that it is two years before any of those old nice feelings will return, if at all ever, and that is if you both wish to save it, and it is with no guarantee, any counselor will confirm that.
Will you ever forgive him? Maybe. Will you ever forget... absolutely never. Can you get by it? The phrase "Once a cheater always rears its ugly head, and it is, unfortunately true, sorry.
2007-02-14 16:15:23 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think that you should get some counseling....
Give your marriage a chance to have closure to the issues....you can't just give up....it is worth fighting for so that you know you have done all that you could do to make things work....
You have your child to think about....and your family....
So, give it the shot to sort through things...and find out why he did that....There is a deeper issue that just the affair....(not that that isn't complex)...but, there had to be some other issues going on that pushed him to do it....It could be issue from his past...before you...(because no matter how well you think that you know someone...you are meeting them at a point in their life where there are a lot of things that went on that you don't know about)
Then there is the possibility that he didn't know how to express what he needed met in your marriage....and you can repair those things....
Now, I am not saying that you deserved this from him....I don't mean that at all....but it is your marriage...and you need to give it a good fight...
After you do, you will know whether or not it can work...but don't just assume it is over....
You can repair...and trust can be regained....it will take some time....but it can happen...
2007-02-14 15:51:17 · answer #3 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him, ASAP! Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's not so hard to follow the fundamental basics of marriage, TRUST & NO CHEATING. You will be better off without him, even though right now it doesn't seem that way. No matter what he tells you, like I swear never again, can you ever trust him? Don't let yourself or your child be subjected to someone who's interests are only his. As I said, things will be OK for you. Just don't let yourself be sucked in by anymore lies by him. If he truly, and I mean this, truly loves you, and his child, there would not be a thought about cheating. Don't waste your life on him. I don't mean to be harsh, but, do you think you really deserve to be treated like that...NOT!
Debi
2007-02-14 15:52:36 · answer #4 · answered by PETSITTER DEBI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well now everyone deals with that different, so go out for an affair, just to get even with him, others hate him forever, and get a divorce, some really do not care, cause they would reither have him out of the house. Some people just can not take the fact that they have become cheated on, and become ill, others just say oh well what is new, and contious on with there lives, so want to get even, and take him for everything he is worth, others, may want to go and work it out through therapy, there are so many things that different people do, so just feel really hurt, others blame themselfs. I just don't give a dam* anymore.
2007-02-14 15:44:30 · answer #5 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you try counseling, if there is love in a marriage sometimes its worth trying to save. To just dump him would be the easy way out and divorce is a sign of the times. If he is sincere about not doing it again you should get counseling and give him 1 more chance.
2007-02-14 15:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know in your heart what you need to do. This is a very sensitive sticky situation. Everyone can tell you what you need to do until we're blue in the face but only you make your decisions. Only time can heal your wounds, you just have to decide whats better for you....to stay with him or get a quality healthy life.
2007-02-14 15:59:29 · answer #7 · answered by Junebug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him.Give him a second chance and let him know that you are giving him a second chance just because you still love him.Just believe what he says for peace sake.he probably forgot to delete the emails cos u know,guys are not really as smart as they think they are.i know it might take you some time to get over this ,but believe me you will.Dont brood over another female who is probably enjoying herself somewhere.If it will make u feel better,find out from him what led to the affair and why he did it.If u feel this is not neccessary,then forget it and forgive him
2007-02-14 15:51:46 · answer #8 · answered by sharonz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you take a finally decision, go visit your parents (you and your daughter) for few weeks. If he calls you every single evening telling you that he wants you back, my opinion is to give him one more chance.
If he does'nt care, leave him.
You don't deserve to be unhappy. Life is too short. You'll meet someone who really cares.
2007-02-14 15:53:42 · answer #9 · answered by BRIANA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for tonight's dinner serve him up some crow and tell him that by slapping him as hard as you can that you hope it will relieve the pressure you now have trying to understand what the next step is for you, whether or not you have an affair, start divorce proceedings, or simply just put a contract out on his stupid and dumb ***!
2007-02-14 15:45:06 · answer #10 · answered by Arthur Richards of Kent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I WOULD LEAVE HE WAS TO INVOLVED. HE WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU IF WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT BETWEEN THEM HE IS A LOSER. I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION I HAD BASED MY LIFE MY HAPPINESS AROUND HIM AND THEN I GOT LET DOWN. I GOT OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP EVEN WHEN I WAS AWAY FROM MY FAMILY I CAME BACK HOME AND LEFT EVERYTHING I KNEW BEHIND BUT I DIDN'T HAVE KIDS SO JUST THINK ABOUT WORKING IT OUT BUT IF IT DOSENT FEEL RIGHT LEAVE. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-02-14 15:45:37 · answer #11 · answered by vanessa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋