How do I come out to strict Christian parents?

Question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070213193546AA5a02e

I originally asked the above question yesterday, but I only received one response.
I am hoping for a lesbian to read this because I would appreciate a gay woman's point of view. Thanks!

To all of those that cited to attempt to seek counselling or call on God, please, please stop being so hateful. The bigotry isn't necessary, this is hard enough for me as it is, I don't need to have more people attacking LGBT than I already have in my life. Thanks to those of you who posted supportive and kind responses. I am still a student, so I don't have any means to support myself financially yet. So, I really want to be able to live as I was created and without judgement, which is simply why I considered coming out. Thanks again, Interlunium.

To all of those that cited to attempt to seek counselling or call on God, please, please stop being so hateful. The bigotry isn't necessary, this is hard enough for me as it is, I don't need to have more people attacking LGBT than I already have in my life. Thanks to those of you who posted supportive and kind responses. I am still a student, so I don't have any means to support myself financially yet. So, I really want to be able to live as I was created and without judgement, which is simply why I considered coming out. Thanks again, Interlunium.

Answer 1

Hey... I found myself, a couple years ago, right in a very similar situation than this you are living.

My mom is a strict Catholic.

Proudly I can say now that I have my BS degree... Got a decent job... and now I left my mother's house... So now I can live as much lesbian lifestyle as I want, and may eventually tell my mother that I have a girlfriend and she will have soon a new daughter-in-law.

The only thing I can recommend to you is ... PATIENCE!!. Study hard (I got this cool job mainly by being a sort of teacher's pet, I feel no shame on saying that, he recommended me for the job for being a responsible student and having good grades at his subject)... get a job later... become self-sufficient... And get out of your parents' reach, get a home of your own.... Later, you can tell them that you like girls.

I daresay that if by any mean I had let it slip and my mom got wind that I'm lesbian when I was living at her house, she would even tried to get myself into a psychiatry ward... No kidding, and no doubt about that. She is that way... Later, if I tell her that I'm dating a girl, well... she would be free to make all the fuss she wants to, but I wouldn't be close enough for her to mistreat me.

There is no soft and easy way... You may hurt your christian parents and get hurt from them... But at least you can get far from the danger, and be free to build your own life...

Be patient girl... work hard... and everything will turn out fine...

Answer 2

You are wise to guage their reaction, and delay telling them until you have a plan that will keep you safe afterwards. Too many young people either get thrown out, or have such sanctions and restrictions placed on them that they run away, and the outcome there usually isn't pretty...drugs, prostitution and crime. Sometimes worse. When you are ready and you do tell them, have a plan. Have a supportive friend you can lean on if your entire family is not supportive. If you have a brother or sister, aunt or uncle you can confide in, who will be supportive, tell him or her first, and maybe ask him or her to come with you when you tell the others. Most of all do it with a plan in mind and in a time that you can deal with the consequences. Be respectful in the telling, and hope that in time, that pays you back with respect. Knowing how your parents feel, expect that the initial reaction might be the worst, and that in time they can deal with it. Get some resources from the Human Rights Campaign and Parents and Family and Friends of Lesbiand and Gays. Links below.

Answer 3

Well, you wanted a lesbian response, so here it is. I wish I could be more optimistic for you, but the truth of the matter is this will most likely not go very smoothly.

In my case, I was brought up in a very strict and sheltered Catholic household, the youngest of 6 kids. (Very good Catholic parents!)

I didn't realize I was a lesbian until I was 21, and away at college. In fact, no joke, I hadn't even heard the WORD lesbian until I was away at college.

Once I realized it, though, my life made SO much more sense to me, and I was SO much happier with myself, and the world around me. So, naturally, I wanted to share this with my parents (and everyone else!).

When I was home that year for Christmas break, I sat them down and told them that I was (am) gay. My mom made a strange startled noise and disappeared into the kitchen for no reason. My dad considered it for a moment, said "No, you aren't," and returned to reading his newspaper. That was the end of the "discussion" on the matter.

I'm 38 now, and life with mom and dad has gotten easier, gradually, over time. My wife and I have been together nearly 9 years, and my parents have accepted that she and I aren't "friends" or "roommates." It's still a little awkward sometimes, but it seems that they have accepted it.

My advice to you is to be ready for the worst. But also to be patient and understanding. This is going to be MUCH harder for them than it will be for you. Hopefully, in time, and with honest and open communication, things will work out for the best.

If you want to talk further, feel free to contact me. My email is [e-mail].

I wish you all the best with this exciting and scary time in your life.
Good luck!

Answer 4

haha sure thing darling!

I come from a very strict christian home and the way I came out was this:
I sat my parents in front of me and told them: as an adult that I am (I was 21 back then, now I'm 28) I have something very important to say and I don't expect that you understand me but I to expect that you respect my decision. This does not mean that I will or that I am in drugs or in gangs or anything like that. I will keep being just like I've always been... etc.
I didn't spend much time trying to explain something that they will never understand. They didn't talk to me for a long time, but now they realized that I am mature, have a great job, a great girlfriend who is a professional too... so they ended up accepting me.

good luck

Answer 5

Well, I don't think there is anything you can say that will lighten the blow but if you do it you will feel the weight off your own shoulders because you can start to live as yourself. I think that if your parents love you they will come to terms with it after the initial shock wears off. You might say that God created you just a little differently than he did most people and that he must have had a reason for doing it and you are how you are and you are not going to question God's wisdom. Good luck, Heather

Answer 6

You didn't say how old you are first of all. Are you still living with your parents? It's really up to you if you feel that you must tell them about your sexual orientation. If you feel that they would be very upset, why bother telling them? You don't need validation from them to lead the kind of life you want to lead. If you feel that you need to tell them anyway, regardless of how they will respond, then be prepared for either acceptance or not. If you have the support of your friends and community, great. In time you might want to tell your parents. Wait for the right time. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I'm neither gay nor a woman, but I have some thoughts for you.

Consider why you want to make this an open discussion with them. They are probably aware of it on some level. They are likely trying not to make it an open issue, and probably don't want to know for sure that you are. The natural response of parents is to blame themselves for it. You love your parents. They love you. Do you really need to go through the pain of this with them? Everybody will suffer. What do you gain from making it a public issue? It isn't going to help them identify with how you feel. You aren't suddenly going to receive wanted advice from your mom about your relationships.

Answer 8

This is a Gay OLD man...do not come out to your parents IF you are still living under their roof, need to go to college, etc. It is none of their business, They do not tell you what they do in the bedroom, don't tell them. Do NOT assume they would take the news gladly, they may not. do not assume they want to know, they may prefer ignorance. WHY in the world do gay people, when they first come out, insist on telling everyone that they are gay????????? Too much information for most people, and so unnecessary. keep your mouth shut.

Answer 9

I am 17 and a few months ago I decided that I was gay (I used to keep telling myself that I wasn't gay, just a phase) and I have conservative Christian parents. I'm going to wait until I'm done with college, have a career, and have my own place, that was they can't affect your life in any way. I advise you doing the same. It's hard to not be truthful to your family especially when they ask you if you have a girlfriend (to me) or like and girl.

Answer 10

i am 17 years old i am gay i have not told my parents i have had a few girl friends but still have not told the u don't want to tell my mom i know it will up set her so i think you should just come out and tell them if that what you really want to do they mite get upset but at the end of the day you are there child ad they love you and the will always love you