Would it bother you if never had sex with anybody other than your spouse?

Question

I'm talking about you were a virgin when you met him/her.

For some reason this is starting to bother me more and more the longer I stay married and the older I get. But, I'm still young enough to re-evluate my options.

So what options would you recommend if you were in my situation?

Am I crazy? Do I need to have my head checked for having these thoughts?

And thanks for the insults. Way to go and kick somebody when they are down Granny!

Answer 1

I know this is going to disagree with the majority on this one but I'm going to say it anyways. My wife and I are the only ones that we've had sex with before we got married and then several years after we got married. She had huge issues with wanting to expereince another man. She bottled it up until she almost cheated on me, but I found out before it got to the sexual point. She then told me her fantasy and issues... At first I was shocked and disapointed about it. Then I did some serious thinking and I told her my fantasy and thoughts. We both agreed that we would like to expereince other people sexually but we would set rules. We had to both be involved, not she goes off to a hotel to meet some random guy and I find out the next day. We are both there. Then we both agree on the person, if one is uncomfortable we call it off. Next we make sure it is 100% pure physical, nothing personal. No questions, no strings attached nothing. We have done this once with her and another guy, I have yet to find another female. But we both really loved it and has really spiced it up for us. Not that we look to do this every day or week, we only plan to do this every few months. We still have great sex with each other also. But getting our fantasy and ideas out in the open with each other and we continue to communicate what we like and dislike we are much happier. I know some will think this is crazy or a form of "cheating" but we would not be so happy right now if we hadn't. There are websites out there for this and it is fairly easy to find no strings sex out there and a lot of people are willing to be discreet and play by your rules. Again this isn't for everyone, some husbands will be too jelous, but if you know them and think this would be an option you might bring it up! The way she did with me is that she wants different not better. Not that I wasn't pleasing her, she just wanted to expereince something new and different.

Answer 2

I think it kinda would. I mean what else is out there ya know? But, then I am married, and I would never look elsewhere. I think maybe I am saying that people should see what is out there before rushing into anything, not to necessarily go and have a grand time with a million people, but experience love, and if it is lost, try to find it again. I am not an advocator of cheating by any means, this is wrong and hurtful, but if the relationship is going south, and you are still young, then talk it over with the wife. See if there are mutual feelings, you never know, she could think that very same thing.

Answer 3

No your not crazy, no it wouldn't bother me at all, in fact I wish my husband and I were both virgins when we got married, it's just a lot less complicated in the mind you know what I'm saying? There are questions that can raise that you would not even want to know about, however, if he or she/ was NOT a virgin and you were, this can cause a slight problem however, you can fix that with the help of your spouse, she/he may need to be open and honest about what pleases him/her, and you have to listen and explore, it really can be a fun thing if you make it out to be, communication is the key, trust is the foundation, trust yourself and trust her/him be open and honest about how you feel to her/him. To be perfect in bed with your spouse is taught and learned, it doesn't just come automatically, so the both of you should take your time and have no worries, everything will be alright if you just talk and take your time to do things right.

Answer 4

Personally it wouldn't bother me, I've been married 34 years and am still very much in love with my husband. The grass isn't always "greener" on the other side, make sure you really think about that before you do anything you may regret.

Maintaining a good marriage takes love, respect, commitment, communication and work. But anything worth having is worth working for. There have been plenty of times when my husband or myself haven't been "thrilled" with each other, but (fortunately), there's never been a time when we wanted someone else.

Everyone deserves to be happy, no one can tell you what is right for you. Only you know if you love your husband enough to work at making your marriage last.

If you are "re-evaluating" your "options" already, I think you've already made up your mind.

I wish you well and hope you don't regret your decision.

Answer 5

I think you're completely normal. I don't know how open minded your spouse is, but it might be worth it to mention to him/her either way. If I were in your shoes, I would tell my spouse that I have been haunted by this desire to know what it's like to be with someone else sexually while remaining in our committed relationship. Let them know that you still love them and want to do it together,but if he/she wont at least consider it, you might have to find out by yourself. And then let it soak in a give them a little time to consider his/her options.

There are a plethora of avenues you can take. Depending on the level of tolerance your spouse has for your desires and fulfillnig them.
You can ask him/her to dress up (wigs and outfits) and pretend to be someone else, even meet in a public setting and use a persona.
You can take classes or go on sex weekends where you learn new techniques for sex play (so it seems like you're with a new person).
There are swing parties, BDSM parties, things like that you can participate in together.
You can open your relationship and invite other into it. Like one of the other responders mentioned, polyamory can be wonderful if done with good intentions.

If you really want to just cheat, don't, it's not right, you wouldn't want your spouse doing that to you. And if you just can't bear it, let him/her know that you need to experience life more, and just leave, but please don't deceive them. Being honest with them not only shows them respect, but portrays self respect.

Answer 6

Yes, it would bother me, and I would most likely find a way to "experience" other people while still being married. This is why I had sown my wild oats before I made the final committment. You're not crazy now, you were just crazy when you decided to marry the first person you had sex with.

Answer 7

You should've had sex with at least one other person before you got married, to have the experience. You probably wouldn't be having these thoughts if you did so. Life would be too boring and I would always wonder if I didn't have sex with other people before my husband. It was a learning experience and I don't regret it at all.

Answer 8

if you are having these thought then your man is lacking in some department maybe you should talk to him about. It is not a problem that he is the only man you have had. But you may need to experiment in the bed with him if you want to work through these feelings.

Answer 9

It would bother me, because I'd have noone to compare their performance too.

I would suggest you set up an email account under a fake name and get an add on Craigslist. Say you're loooking for "NSA sex" (NSA = No Strings Attached) and have a glimpse of what you've been missing.

Answer 10

So basicly adultry. If your married you stay true together even if it sucks......So, try to spice things up, do new things......Should of experimented earlier in life, think about why you married her, and how she turned you on and let her know how you feel, maybe she is thinking the same thing....