My wife and I have been together for roughly 7 years. we've weathered good and bad times together. Back in November she revealed that I have a problem with lying. I owned up to anything that I did wrong. One month later she dropped another bomb stating that the problem is disolving our marriage. I had not lied about any thing. Situations that were strange made it appear that I lied, but I had nothing to gain or avoid in doing so, and I did not lie. Thee boy crying wolf . I was telling the truth, and now she does not believe me. the same night she revealed that she loves me, but is not in love with me. we started going to a counselor, and are working on the situation, but she reveals questions asking me not to hate her if our marriage fails. I feel that she has already quit on me, and our marriage. then a few days later she tells me that she has days were she is in love withme, but it is overrun by suspision. She tells me that she can not sleep with out me in our bed.
2007-02-14 07:11:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess it all depends on what you lied about....I think that all marriages can work out...it just depends on how why and what you lied about...
But, since you have tried counseling, I think that you should ask her what it would take for her to regain confidence with you....maybe you could see exactly what it would take for her...and make those things available to her....
If that doesn't work, I would have to say that she clearly has an issue that needs to be resolved within herself....and lack of closure with that issue comes out on you...and you are her locus of control for whatever she is trying to validate in her life....
So, it is a two way street...and it totally depends on
1. what you lied about...and how you can build her confidence and cater to her needs to gain it back....
or
2. what she has going on internally that she needs closure with in order to move on with the situation....
So, I have to say....keep the counseling going....,make yourself available to her...and work on yourself....
Then she can change....
2007-02-14 07:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And the Integrity issue comes up again.
And if I post anything truthful, I'll get thumbs-down ratings from everyone. Should I risk it?
Well, here's the deal, you're a negative challenge, and it's the challenge part that's keeping her around along with a little bit of attatchment. The problem is that she doesn't respect you, and if you had any self-respect you wouldn't be in the situation you are in. When there isn't respect, it leads to resentment, and resentment is making her an unhealthy person, so you're both sick right now.
Sucks huh? If this ends, and I'd say there's a better than 60% chance it will because you're not in a position to set healthy boundaries against any unhealthy paranoid suspicions she might have, then I hope you remember this and become a better person for it.
2007-02-14 07:47:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW Your wife is strange .Either she is in love with you or she isn't .Its not a light switch that you turn on and off you know .
You must have did something bad for her to feel that way and the only thing i can think of that makes a woman feel that way is that you had an affair I could be wrong but i don't think so .
I think your just going to have to take the situation in your own hands For now she is calling all the shots pulling you around by a string and ill bet your doing your best not to let the string break.
If you cant take it anymore and i don't know how long you can dangle from that string you may just have to cut that string and face it .She is going to have to make up her mined either she wont's to work it out or not and stop torturing you .
People make mistakes where not perfect ask her if she has it in her heart to forgive you if she doesn't don't argue cut the string and go about your way.
2007-02-14 07:57:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your wife would rather have a husband that she doesn't trust, than to be alone. The problem is who can honestly be satisfied with a spouse they don't trust? If I were you I would do anything and everything I could to earn her trust. That means saying what you do and doing what you say. Being on time for things. And doing NOTHING that you feel you need to hide. Be the man she fell in love with. There's really not much more you can do. But now you have to ask yourself if your marriage stands a chance if your wife is going to always be suspicious of everything you do?
2007-02-14 07:17:18 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is confused and does not know if she wants to leave you yet or not. There is a thin line between love and hate and perhaps you should get a legal seperation to take time as individuals to work yourselves out. If you get back together good, if not divorce and move on.
2007-02-14 07:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by TheOne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, she's already got one foot out the door. And I don't think it was because of your lying. I think she just used that as an excuse, frankly. Keep up the counselling, but put some of the focus on the thoughts and feelings that SHE'S hiding.
2007-02-14 07:15:39 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you lie you die simple as that if you want and need this woman then shut the f*** up and don't offer anything out of your lying mouth again. Or you loose sayanara adios bye bye
2007-02-14 07:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur Richards of Kent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU LIED TO HER AND SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU? MAYBE SHE HELD A RESENTMENT AGAINST YOU FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME AND IT'S BEYONG COUNSELING.
2007-02-14 07:19:04 · answer #8 · answered by sweetbabykitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her
2007-02-14 07:14:44 · answer #9 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋