likey my poem? i think its okay, i revised it alot the other night but i think it could be better.....
I also need help with a tittle...........
cheating boyfriend,
shattered heart,
what was perfect now lies on the floor in peices,
eyes now welling up with sad remorse,
it spilt over her eye lid and crashed on the floor,
the bottle on the table offered relief,
covered her sorrow,
sang her sweet all those whiskey lullbyes,
but the pain was still there,
pull the bullet and she lay still.
2007-02-14 07:06:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I like all of it but I kind of got lost on the last line...
Have you every been to www.poetry.com ... I had a friend get published twice in their books from that site...you get money too...and there is the copyright on it....
2007-02-14 07:15:05 · answer #1 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your heart seem to be sinking
Life isn't yet over
My dear, you're not thinking
Accept this as a four leaf clover
Wake up and see the light
Now is your time to live
Your future is very bright
Pain is not here to stay
So pick up your spirits and enjoy life
Someone new will come your way
There is no time for a lot of strife
Bad relationships are on the rise
But that don't mean that all is lost
Let go and do be wise
"LIVE!"
2007-02-14 07:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poem is good but you need something to pull everything together because it sounds a little scattered. Here's an exapmle...instead of saying
broken heart
shattered sould
another love lost
one could say
my broken heart
with this shattered soul
hurts from the love i've lost.
nouns are important in poetry because it gives the ready something to identify with.
give your poem a subject...it does not have to be a person it can be a place or thing.
Methaphores make poerty stand out and mysterious.
hope this helps.
English Education Major
2007-02-14 07:28:55 · answer #3 · answered by askandilltell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's only a boy, God made millions of them. I know you think you had the best love ever for him, but if he wasn't right, it wasn't right. Ask an older person about heartbreak.
2007-02-14 07:21:57 · answer #4 · answered by LAUGHING MAGPIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Name it "Peaceful Heart". Not bad, not a good message to send out to suicidal people though.
2007-02-14 07:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate sad poems sorry write about like happy poems not sad eww it makes you wanna like cry or somthing those poems[not yours just sad poems in general]
2007-02-14 07:12:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice
2007-02-14 07:11:32 · answer #7 · answered by Mrspaul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a therapist
2007-02-14 07:10:57 · answer #8 · answered by DJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweet. name it caitlin
2007-02-14 09:24:21 · answer #9 · answered by frog2976 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋