I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we've been best friends for 6 years. He always talks about getting married and spending our lives together. I know 2 years isn't that long but I thought maybe the fact that we've been so close for such a long time it might make it different somehow? I'm not sure. I know it might be a finanical issue also that he hasn't proposed yet. Please let me know your thoughts. Also, would you ever propose to your boyfriend? Or would you rather him do it?
2007-02-14 05:55:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I appreciate all your answers. For the answers about leaving him or that he's just not that serious as I think he is.. I just don't think that's true. I am not going to leave him because he won't propose, I know he loves me because he has been crazy about me forever and for the seriousness part.. that can't be it because he tattooed my name on his arm. So I'm thinking maybe he just thinks I'm not ready because I ask him to not joke about marriage. How do I let him know I'm ready without the obvious saying "I'm ready to marry you"?
2007-02-14 06:22:19 · update #1
I think the years you've spent as friends do count very much. You and him talk about the future a lot, so it shows that he sees you in it as his wife. I definately would not break it off because he hasn't proposed yet, but if you could find some way of mentioning it without sounding desperate/needy, go for it. I don't think I would personally propose to a man, I think I'd much rather be surprised. Who knows, he may be planning something you just don't know about. ;)
2007-02-14 06:03:32 · answer #1 · answered by leaysa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's talking about marriage but he hasn't proposed?
You are not handling this well at all. He isn't allowed to talk about marriage until he proposes, that's the first rule you are allowing him to break. The next time, the very next time he mentions anything related to marriage, you just look him straight in the eye and as sweetly as you can sound you tell him that you don't recall hearing a marriage proposal and you cetainly don't have a ring on your finger so, until those two things occur he should not take for granted that you want to discuss a married life with him and....that until he hears your answer to his proposal he shouldn't take a future with you for grnted. Place some value onyour life or he never will.
Too many girls just letting guys get away with this stuff. If you have any pride at all in yourself you turn this around right now. He won't think you are worth making the effort, proposiing to or buying a ring for unless you make it clear to him that that is the only way you would even consider the question of sharing you life with him.
If he doesn't propose within a week of that little speech, and offer you a ring, then you have your answer to whether or not he is really serious about you.
He and you were friends before you were romantic and he is still treating you like a friend, only, because he is not treating you like he would if you and he had started out romantically. He thinks you are easy and you are being easy.
You decide how you want it to be and then you make it that way.
Go girl. And, if he is too unsmitten with you to get down on one knee and ask you to be his wife then move on, and be happy you didn't get stuck with a man who doesn't know a good woman when he has one.
2007-02-14 06:04:55 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Never got an engagement ring. My now husband was in basic, and didn't want to spend the money he saved on a ring, instead he wanted to by US a place to live AFTER we were married. How sweet. I have one now, but could care less about it since it's a piece of jewelry. We dated three years before we married, so don't listen to the above comments about a timeline. My "proposal" was him asking me to move down to MS with him after basic. That was the best proposal I could have asked for.
2007-02-14 06:05:54 · answer #3 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't propose yourself, he needs to do it. You need to decide on a month that you will finally say to him, I can't do this anymore, because I want more, but until then don't propose to him, maybe ask him if he wants to get married when would he like to do that, by what age or something. You have to have a time in mind and once that time comes, you have to be sure that you will walk away if nothing changes.
2007-02-14 06:03:59 · answer #4 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are completely different creatures. While we think that Love is all the reason we need to get married, men are different. They want to be financially secure so that they can offer us a comfortable life. He's probably just waiting until he feels that he has more to offer you. If it's meant to be, it will be.
As far as proposing, I'm somewhat of a traditionalist. I think the man should propose.
2007-02-14 06:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend and i have been together for four years and are not married yet because we're too broke for an engagement ring & wedding expenses. (i'm supporting him while he finishes his second degree...almost done now!) don't stress if your boyfriend hasn't popped the question yet--he probably just wants to be sure he can give you the right ring and all that. have you discussed your "proposal anxiety" with him? might be a good idea. and no, i would never ever propose to him. just doesn't seem right to me.
2007-02-14 06:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by sargeyboo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hear you there. We are 25 and I've known my guy for 10 years, we've dated for 6 years, 3 of them with us living together. Needless to say, I'm waiting as well. I'm traditional and wouldn't propose to him, considering we've talked about it and I know he isn't ready yet. We bought a home together, and I'm hoping after we move in he'll be more convinced...who knows, right? I'm trying not to push my guy into something for the rest of his life. Everyone is different. Also, remember he might want it to be a surprise...
2007-02-14 06:04:24 · answer #7 · answered by Bean 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
for one it is tradition to let the guy do it because it is always the girl who is madly in love and wondering if he feels the same and when he pops the question that shows that he obveiously does feel the same and you dont want to push it by proposing to him.
some guys just need time and yes i believe that the 6 years as friends does count
2007-02-14 06:00:04 · answer #8 · answered by incubusgirl09 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't proposed in 2 years of dating - odds are that he won't be. Don't waste much more of your life on this one - find one that will actually appreciate you and want to spend the rest of his life with you. No - don't propose to him - some things still need to be done by the man.
2007-02-14 05:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by lifesajoy 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
my husband was 'old fashioned' and he wanted to wait for 3 years, but there was never a question he wanted to get married... so after 3 years he purposed and I said yes. And YES, I would have had no problem asking my husband to marry me!
2007-02-14 06:29:58 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn V. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋