Marriage advice. I don't know what to do!?

Question

I got married last november, my first mistake was marrying the guy who put me in the hospital and has hit me several times.
i thought he would change. he's been going to anger management.
now he's lying too.
i found porn on his email and asked him to tell me the truth about it. i knew he signed up for it, i'm not stupid. he denied it. i left it at that. last night after catching him in 2 other lies, i asked him to tell me the truth about the porn.
he fessed up and said he had been looking it up while i was at therapy. i feel hurt and betrayed! not to mention when he tells his mom and sister about our problems he makes it seem as if i'm the bad guy. so they totally hate me.
i dont know if i can trust him again.. he hit me last week. but i don't know what to possibly do to muster up the courage to leave him!

Answer 1

OK first off I give you credit for at least trying to get some support on here.... the first part you can skip if you would like to just read what I am telling you I think you should do and ways, if not then read the whole thing about so you know how I can answer you.

I was married to a man that was very fun at first and kind and caring... But then the trouble started coming. First it was looking at other girls that ( I can even say) looked better than me but that was no biggy then it started to where he was looking at porn then wanting to have sex that was no way I asked him what was up with how he was acting and that was when the abuse started. I found out that he was cheating on me and a whole bunch of other things then it came to the "oh baby I'll get help I'll never put a hand on you again"....... on and on again for 2 years I kept putting up with it all the time. I was scared and had no one to turn to. But to make it short I kicked him out and got a restrain order on him ( but now it is dropped because he is with someone else) but it was so hard to get to that point!!!

I know that it is hard to get help and if he is abusing you it makes it harder. You could get the police involved then they could keep him away from you and if they have already been involved with you and him then it will make it easier for them to do their job. You could also call their office and talk to the PPO (personal protection officer) and just ask for advice.
There are places that you can go more than likely in your area or a near by town like a shelter for abused women and children. Like here they have A.W.A.R.E I was there for a bit and the other people there were going through the same thing. If money has anything to do with it you could try and apply for help from your local social service office.
No matter what you choose to do you need to leave him because things will only get worse. I know you have seen them shows on TV that the girls are with the guys and the guys abuse them and they end up dead. I'm sure it is not worth to die for and you can leave him.
You are strong you are smart you know that you deserve to life a life of happiness and not have a feeling of fear.
Even though I do not know you I do know that you can do this and it will be hard but you can.
I hope I helped you out if nothing else than to know that you are not alone at all. You are more than likely to e mail or message me if you would like!!!
GOOD LUCK AND YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Courage isn't the problem. You just need to wise up! Listen, I can tell you're hurting emotionally. I'm not going to stomp on your intelligence or make fun of your marriage. You just need to leave. Go stay with someone who knows your situation and will allow you to stay for at least a couple months, preferably three. Then divorce him! He is not only watching porn, lying about it, hitting you because you caught him, he is also cheating on you. Guys like him are totally predictable. The fear you should have is the diseases he will give you from his nights out with the hookers. You should fear getting pregnant and having an attachment that will keep him near by for the next 19 years! Run! Run and hide till after the court date. If he hits you again put him in jail! Then look for a job, get out on your own! Go look for guys in places where the guys that don't hit go. Church comes to mind, but, that is usually a emotional trigger to forget everything else I said. Please don't! Just start over. The initial phase of starting over is the only scary part. After that you'll wonder why you waited so long!

Answer 3

first you not made to be hit,,an if you stay it only going to get worse,,,,i seen this many times over the year with other,,,so you need to first look out for number one, which is you,,,

Answer 4

What in the world is the difference between loving a person, and being attached to them? Love is the sincere wish, for others to be happy for others and free from suffering. Having realistically realized other’s kindness, as well as their faults, Love is Always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have no ulterior intensions or motives to fulfill our own self-interests; or to fulfill our own desires, we love others, all people, simply because they exist. Attachment, on the other hand, exaggerates others’ good qualities, and makes us crave to be with them. When we’re with them, we are happy, but when we’re separated from them, we’re miserable. Attachments are always linked with expectations of what others should be, or what they should do for us. Is love, as it is understood in most societies, really love OR attachment ? Let us examine this a little more. Generally speaking, we are attracted {drawn to) people because they have qualities we value, or because they help us in some way. If we carefully observe, through introspection, our own thought processes we’ll notice that we very often look for specific qualities in others. Some of these qualities we are drawn to are qualities within our parents, or qualities which society values.
We examine someone’s looks, education, social status, financial status, and so forth. This is how Most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value, or not. In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they praise us, encourage us, help us, if they listen to what we have to say, if they make us feel secure, if they take care of us when were sick, unhappy or depressed, we consider them good, or sometimes righteous people, and these are the people we more drawn to, whom we are most likely attracted to, and the people we choose to be around with.
In all honesty, this is very biased, for we are judging them, only in terms of how they relate to us, as if we are the most important person in the world & thinking the world revolves around us! After we’ve judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them, it appears to us as if goodness is radiating out from within them, but as we are more mindfully aware, we realize that we have projected this goodness on to them.
Desiring to be the people who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo’s, when we’re with these people, we’re up, but when we’re not with them, we’re down. Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with these people will be, and thus have expectations of them. “When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we’re unhappy, disappointed or may even become angry. We want them to change so that they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from other people. Our problems arise not because others aren’t who we thought they were, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they were not. We often use a type of Checklist also. Checklist: “I Love You IF ___________ !” This Love is Conditional and what we call love, is most often attachment. It is actually an attitude which overestimates the qualities of another person.
’Then we cling tightly to that person, thinking our peace and happiness depends on that person. We even often blame that person for our unhappiness.’ Love, on the other hand, is a very patient, calm, optimistic and relaxed attitude. We want others to be free from suffering and to be happy simply because they exist. While attachments are uncontrolled, and too emotionally sentimental, Love is Patient, powerful, and controlled(disciplined). Attachment obscures our judgment {our ability to make sound, wise decisions), and we become impatient, angry, and impartial – helping our dear ones, and those who do us no harm. Love clarifies our mind, & we access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on selfishness, while love is founded on valuing, & cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to us. Love always looks beyond all the superficial appearances and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want peace of mind, happiness, and wish to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, or unintelligent people we most often feel repulsed, because our selfish minds want to find attractive, intelligent, and talented people. On the other hand, Love never evaluates others by theses superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others appearances, they’re experiences are they same as ours: they want inner mental peace, happiness, and wish to be from suffering. When we’re attached, we’re not mentally, emotionally, & spiritually free. For we overly depend on, and cling to another person, to fulfill our emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. We fear losing the person, fearing that we’d be incomplete without them.” This does Not mean that we should suppress all our emotional needs, or become aloof, and totally independent, for that too would not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs and slowly, gently and patiently – seek to eliminate them. If we try to suppress them, pretending they do not exist, we become insecure, anxious, or possibly depressed. In this case, we do our best to fulfill our needs, while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them. The core problem is that most of us seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others, rather than to understand them. Our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfish obscuring of our own minds. We develop confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a Selfless human being, having many magnificent qualities, then we’ll develop and have an accurate perception of ourselves, gaining self-confidence. We’ll seek to increase true unconditional love, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience, as well as generosity, right concentration and wisdom. Under the influence of attachment, we’re bound by our unstable emotional reactions to others. When they’re nice to us, we’re happy, but when they ignore us or speak sharply to us, we take it personally, and are unhappy. But pacifying attachment doesn’t mean we become hard-hearted, rather without attachments, there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine affection and impartial love for them. And as a result, we’ll be more actively involved with them. As we learn to transform our minds & lives, through subduing our attachments, we can definitely have successful friendships, and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer, more meaningful because of the freedom and respect the relationships are based on. We’ll really care about the happiness and misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same inside: we all want inner peace of mind, Happiness, and to be from suffering.
However, of course, our lifestyles and interests may be a bit more compatible with some people. Our friendships and our personal relationships will be based on mutual interests, and to help other people. Having such an attitude, we’ll be much More Patient, & tolerant toward others; will remain mentally calm, having Peace of Mind and Happiness, and we’ll communicate successfully with others in life.