How would feel if your husband said that he wasn't sure you were a virgen your first time?

Question

I am reallly offended because i saved my virginity for my husband
for nothing and it hurt me that he wonders if i was or not.

Answer 1

If he couldn't tell that you were a virgin the first time - then perhaps he was one himself.

Answer 2

Did you know he had these questions before you were married? This is something that should have been worked out before you got married, among other things. It also seems like he's got some trust issues too, that you and he need to talk about. You should never feel sorry for saving such a wonderful gift for your wedding night. It wasn't for nothing. I would ask him why he thinks such a thing. Does he have anyone in mind, that you've supposedly shared yourself with? And had he saved himself for marriage? That goes both ways, you know. Just 'cause he's a guy doesn't mean that that rule doesn't apply. And what really matters is that you have both remained true to your vows NOW, from the day of your marriage and forever. From that day, two have become one. Whatever was in the past is gone...done. Since you're not holding his past against him, he should do the same, even if he THINKS you've done something you didn't. So, the next step is up to you. You could remain offended because of what he says he believes, or you can tell him that no matter what he believes, you will always be a faithful wife to him now, and forever. Then, make sure that you don't give him a reason to believe that his thoughts are real. Stay away from situations where you're alone with another guy. Show your husband that he's your one and only. After all, he is, isn't he? Happy Valentine's Day. <*)))><

Answer 3

I'd feel that he was trying to pick a fight with me and start asking him what the real problem is. You could tell him, yah, you were a slut and slept with 185 guys before you slept with him. I wouldn't start defending my virginity. However, there's a lot of reasons why women don't "feel" like a virgin the first time. We've all read the romance novels about the burst hymen, bleeding, ripping and tearing, etc. A lot of us started using tampons when we started menstruating at 12 or 13 and, as needed, advanced to the "supers." That part of our body is very flexible--think of the delivery of a child and then it contracts back down to a tiny size. Or it can stretch big enough to accommodate the stallion men who I see on the Internet. Some women have injuries riding a bike, women are athletic. Tell him to do a little research about such things. Tell him you can fight or you can make love like it was the first time.

Answer 4

My husband did the exact thing to me just to hurt me when we got into our first fight after we were married. This really did hurt because like you, I felt like it meant nothing to him that I waited for the right man instead of sleeping around and it was not an easy thing to do. In all truth though, unless your husband is really small or you had been using toys while you were waiting for the right man, he could tell you were a virgin from how tight you were. Even if it had been a long time you never get as tight as you were when you were a virgin. I knew my husband just told me that to hurt my feelings in a nasty fight we were having because it was obvious it was my first time, it hurt me and it hurt him a little too. He apologized after we both calmed down, but it still leaves that thought in the back of your mind that he meant it. And if you didn't bleed and that is why he wonders, most women don't bleed. I don't know one that did.

Answer 5

It sounds like there are more problems in this relationship than that. If he doesn't trust you at the start of your marriage, I can forsee abuse to come. He'll probably cheat and then force you to stay home all the time because he doesn't trust you. Personally, I would never put up with a guy who didn't trust me and accused me of that. I say get couple's therapy sooner rather than later and find out what both your issues are.

Answer 6

He wasn't sure by when you guys were having sex or he doesn't believe you that you were?

Physically, it's hard to tell if some women have had sex before because it'll break before they have sex.

I'd feel bad if he thought I wasn't a virgin when I told him. Ask him if he thinks you're lying. Then ask why. Best to talk about it than to let it boil below the surface.

Answer 7

What is your husband's problem here? You are entitled to these hurt feelings. Sit that man down and tell him that he has offended you and wounded you deeply. I would tell him that it was a matter of principle.....that I had made this decision to keep my virginity to honor my husband, and that it was made exclusive of him. I assume you did make the choice to wait for marriage, period. He is the "lucky" man to be blessed by your noble and difficult choice to abstain. He should be honored that you have entered your marriage without all the baggage of other lovers, and the threat of STD's , and even memories to cloud the picture. He can be Mr. Wonderful, because, quite frankly, you have nothing to compare him to, and you should be applauded, loved, revered, and most of all respected for your decision. I would take this man/child straight to my pastor for early marriage counseling , to have someown help him realize, objectively, that he's headed down the wrong road not to trust you with something as sweet and pure as the issue of your virginity. ASAP!! You can't change anyone, honey, especially a man; but sometimes they can be nicely adjusted. Best wishes.

Answer 8

Perhaps your husband is just teasing you. I can't imagine that he could be serious. If so, then that's not very nice of him at all. I think you just need to tell him how important it was that you saved yourself for marriage and that you valued your virginity. Also, tell him that it hurts your feelings that he would imply that you weren't a virgin. That's not nice of him at all!

Answer 9

does it really matter what he thinks because at the end of the day you save your virginity for yourself not the man and you know that you did and that is something to be very proud of as not many people do that these days.don't know what he expected but if he doesn't believe you then why did you marry him?you are supposed to have trust in each other and he should believe you on something so important.

Answer 10

Maybe he wasn't and now wonders if perhaps you weren't

But even if you weren't, the past is the past, you are together now and nothing from what you did or didn't do before should matter.

Answer 11

I would feel hurt and angry. Explain that you saved if for someone special when you go married, which you thought he was. You can never prove you were a virgin, he can never prove you weren't, so it's like arguing for the sake of arguing. He has self esteem issues..thats what his problem is. Good for you for doing something special for yourself and the person youi love!!