When should you tell someone your maratial history??

Question

I am 24 yrs old and have been married twice already.My parents could not stand my first hubby who i met while in college at a club where he was an ultimate fighter.I fell head over feel and eloped with him after 3 months.Problems were numerous to say the least he had never graduated from highschool and he was participating in illegal fights to make ends meet.My parent continued to pay for my college tuition but cut off all ties with me and when i graduated college i was 3 months pregnant.After i gave birth to my daughter he became violent and in a fight with me over money broke my jaw.I divorced him and married my divorce lawyer who i thought i was in love with that marriage lasted only a year an half before i found out he was a womanizer and a con-man.At this point i am terrified of dating anyone or trusting people?I have been single a year though and have met a great guy through my parents.I have started seeing him but am unsure how much of my past i should tell?

I really like this guy even though i was set up by my mother .I dont know how much to tell him he knows i have a 3 yr old daughter.He is 28 yrs old and told me he is looking to settle down.I dont want to scare him with bagadge!?

Answer 1

You have to honest. You have to tell him when things start getting serious. My suggestion to you is to dosify the news and don't tell him all at once. Let him get to know you well so he won't judge you. If he is an acquantece of your parents, chances are that he knows some of it, besides, if he already knows that you have a 3 year old daughter, he knows that you have a past, everyone does.

If he is REAL he won't get spooked away. He sounds like a NICE guy, if you want to keep him, then tell him the truth so he won;t be dissapointed or feels deceived later.

Do things right from the beginning.

Good luck!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

At 41 and after many relationships I would say that you should always be honest from the start BUT not share too much details. Don't ever hide the fact that you were married or have children or whatever else may be important because once revealed it may change things or the other party may at least feel you were trying to hide something. On the other hand, learn from your experiences but don't share all the details with future partners. Trust me on this. It does niether of you any good and you may actually regret it down the road. If things don't work out, there is yet another person floating around out there with personal info you wish you hadn't shared and if they do work out, sometimes people tend to hold these things against you and blame you for comparing them to the ones in your past.

Answer 3

Be alone for your child. Focus on your kid rather than your love life. Many people may say that you should get what you want in your love life and they think of your child as only an important after-thought.

Find strength in being alone with yourself. Financially it is hard.

But your kid deserves it- throughout your question there was no responsibilty noted about what this did to your child, or how it affected him/her.

Please, don't date. Just be a mom. You are so special and needed by this little person- I don't think you have fully grasped your importance in this role, or how much you can grow as a person by just being a mom.

You've made really quick decisions without much thought and it has backfired. Your parents were right to cut the apronstrings after college.

The fact that you jumped in the sack with your divorce lawyer is frightening, tho. And it says a lot about him as a professional... YIKES!

The fact that you are really trying to think this through shows that you have grown and have learned from your previously bad situations.

Wait with this new fellow. Your child comes first and you need to get yourself together before accepting a new beau into your family life.

Anyway, most guys that date gals with kids do it because they know women with kids will sleep with them if they play their cards right. I know this sounds harsh, but it is true.

Good luck to your child.

Answer 4

Be honest and tell him where you've been. He's going to find out eventually, so it's better he know now. You don't have to spill every awful detail.....

I personally would be concerned about your 2nd marriage. Basically, you married the first person you met and trusted after your first husband. You moved very fast from one to another, and both of these guys were serious losers.

Go ahead and date, but keep your distance for some time (at least a couple of years) until you can be sure you are actually grounded in reality.

Answer 5

You should tell him everything. He should know that way if it is too much for him he can leave before you get too attached. It would be horrible for you two to get serious and he slowly find this stuff out and he will feel tricked by you. If there is anything that may scare him off or make him not want to be in a relationship with you, you should tell him. You don't have to tell on the first date or so, but if he makes it known that he wants to keep seeing you and see where things go then you should tell him.

Answer 6

I feel you. I was married at 18, divorced at 21 and remarried at 25, I am now 26 w/ 3 kids. Two by the first and one by my current husband. My first husband was very abusive, I'm surprised I survived. I met my current husband thru friends and I adore him, even when he's an ***. What you should do is just be honest and upfront. Let him know your past. He deserves to be w/ someone who he accepts their past and present. And you deserve someone who accepts you and all your "baggage" too. You never know, he may have something to tell you too. I was honest from the beginning. I had to because I had two kids already. If he's meant for you he'll stay, if not, good riddens you don't need to waste anymore time. Good Luck.

Answer 7

there is no need to be deceitful in any situation, if you feel like this is a keeper and you are in a mutually exclusive relationship, then he should know that you have been married twice, there is no need to tell details until you are more comfortable that he could be a long term thing......if he asks then tell him but tell him that it just didn't work out, details in time. If he loves you, he will not pressure you into telling him the details. Do not cross the line where you would be uncomfortable telling him things and then you break up and he knows intimate details about you and your past.

Answer 8

Don't be too anxious right now to discuss marriage, take your time. I am sure that your Mother has already brief him about your past. If he is sincere, in time you will find out.

Answer 9

Be honest and communicate. That is the best way to start any type of relationship.

Answer 10

If he likes you, it shouldn't matter. It's not necessary to give every detail of your life history.