How can we forward together?

Question

How can we move forward together?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and one month. He is 35 and I am 20. I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. He is very excited about the baby.

Last August, he cheated on me with his ex-wife. (of whom he has 3 other children with.) Although he did not want to, I begged him to tell me exactly what happend, every detail of it. He always tells me how much he loves me, always there for me, and that it was a big mistake.

This was the first time he has ever been unfaithful to someone. On the first week that it happend, he would always cry and ask for me not to leave him. I love him too much to, but my self-esteem is low, I have no trust for ANYONE, and my emotions are a rollercoaster. (also before I was pregnant.) I still feel betrayed and broken down no matter how much he tells me that he loves me and how beautiful I am to him. (which is a lot)

We both want to repair this and live our lives together, but how do I move forward without holding a grudge?

I really want to just completely forget about it. It literally is on my mind a lot. We had a fight this morning. It was on my mind this morning, and I "blew up" on him. (I have periods where I am okay, and then I have a time where I just become completely upset over it and take it out on him.

Answer 1

How can we move forward together?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and one month. He is 35 and I am 20. I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. He is very excited about the baby.

Last August, he cheated on me with his ex-wife. (of whom he has 3 other children with.) Although he did not want to, I begged him to tell me exactly what happend, every detail of it. He always tells me how much he loves me, always there for me, and that it was a big mistake.

This was the first time he has ever been unfaithful to someone. On the first week that it happend, he would always cry and ask for me not to leave him. I love him too much to, but my self-esteem is low, I have no trust for ANYONE, and my emotions are a rollercoaster. (also before I was pregnant.) I still feel betrayed and broken down no matter how much he tells me that he loves me and how beautiful I am to him. (which is a lot)

We both want to repair this and live our lives together, but how do I move forward without holding a grudge?

Answer 2

Wow... have I been in this spot before! My, now husband, also cheated on me with his ex wife... not just once either. I would find out about it when we would argue and that turned into a fight. The worst one I found out was when I was pregnant with our first child and at home with the youngest child between him and the ex (he had custody)... he called from work to say he had to stay late only to sneak to the ex's place which was almost an hour away!
We have now been married for over 7 years and have 2 children together. It takes time to get over this, and if you really love him, you will make it. It is really easy to forgive him, but it isnt easy to forget. It helps to have someone to talk to... I found a really good counsler and when the time was right for me, my husband joined me in the meetings.
Your boyfriend has to realize that it is going to take that time for you to trust him again. You can make it.. it will be hard at time xpecially since they have kids together.
I still raise my step kids, I trust my husband completely, but I do not trust his ex, I have forgiven him and I have forgiven the ex... but there are times that the memories have come back to haunt me. The only thing that gets me through the memories is to forgive them again.
Just keep your faith and hold onto the love you and your boyfriend share and you will make it.
Oh and btw... at the time.. he was 30 and I too was only 20... but I wasnt able to forgive them until I was like 25 or 26 and until I forgave him, I wasnt able to trust him completely and by the time I could... we already had 2 children and they dont suffer from it let alone know about it. Plus, my oldest thinks that the ex is one of the best people around and the ex just loves my daughter to pieces.

Answer 3

I have been married for 7 years, my wife and I have one child together. Last year, about 3 weeks before valentines day, she cheated on me with some dude she wanted to hook up with since high school. Not once, but twice, all in a 6 month period.

Don't believe he's never been unfaithful before and if he cheated on you with his ex-wife, chances are they have either done it many times in the past or will continue to do so whenever it suits them.

I have been dealing with this for the past 6 months, and I can tell you that I still cannot fully trust her, even though she has told me that she totally regrets ever doing it. I don't think I'll ever trust her, to tell you the truth. Even after I caught her, she continued to email and chat with him when I wasn't around. So I threatened to divorce her if she didn't stop. And for the time being, she hasn't done anything, as far as I know anyway.

It's completely normal to feel the way you do, and since I feel the exact way, I can't exactly tell you when that feeling will subside. I have good days and bad. It is a complete waste of time to begrudge him, though. You're pregnant and you need to be thinking about being a mother. Don't let him cause you too much stress. Hell, you might even think about "getting him back". I've thought about it and the way I see it, I've got a "cheat free" pass for at least one hookup. That sounds childish and though I haven't done it yet, it still brings me a little vindication. We are going to move on from this, we both have too much to lose if we divorce. But, things will never be the same. That I promise.

Hope I helped.

Answer 4

You should have fixed the trust before you got pregnant.
Now unless you fix it before the child is grown up it will suffer for it.
If you want to trust him again then he needs to show it and answer all your ?'s when you have them until you are done with it. His actions will be what puts the trust back.
The way he answers your ?'s will also help, only if he don't answer with a smart a** remark. Like can't you just get over it.
I suggest you seek some advice from a professional or at least someone that has been trough this and is healed from it.
He broke it he is the one that is going to have to fix it. You can help by being honest with him at all times. Don't hold in anything because it will eat at you, then you will become bitter & bict** & resentful.
Comunication and honesty is your biggest assets for this one.

Answer 5

I know it will be hard but I think you can make it. People do make mistakes. It might be hard for you but you do need to forgive him, especially if you love him. I know you will not be able to forget it, it will hurt for a long time to come. Just remember there is a baby involved. Don't throw everything away over one mistake. Be the bigger and stronger person. I know you can pull through this.

Answer 6

I was married for 10 yrs before my wife cheated on me...
It was due to her family messing in our life...But when she found out...thier lies she came back...she has cried...and I forgave her,
But it takes times...plus she had to earn my trust again...
I don't go to church alot but the bible tells us we must forgive others for thier mistakes...and we should not judge or we will be judge for our mistakes...I know you hurt but time will heal all wounds...if you give it time and you are willing to work at it...

Answer 7

if u truly want to move forward...do not judge him...simply accept that it happened...and move forward..do not bring it up and hang it over his head...forgive him...u do not need to forget but u must forgive...otherwise it will not work...unfortunately he is only a man and gave in to temptation....i wish u the best of luck

Answer 8

try counseling for you and him and you and him together....you both have to be willing to put 100% into it or it will not work. To rebuild trust take a lot more time, effort and patience......it is harder to do than destroying trust..........be patient.

Answer 9

I wouldn't be planning any wedding if I were you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I wouldnt trust him, so what would be the point. I think you would agree??

Answer 10

The only thing that I can think of would be couples and possibly individual therapy for you.