What do you think of this poem?

Question

On a Field of Grass

One day on a field of grass
By the wind blowing to my heart
soothing every corner
I stare to the sky ahead

That wind I know
is from gales and gusts
Behind it I also know
is something waiting for me

With that in my mind
I turn no head
Only one gaze to the front
I smile

This path I walk on
has countless rubbles
Nevertheless I keep
my steps

My heart with a truth
to every of it
My heart with a thread
to all of it

Here I am
facing the soul of my soul
I have come home so
I smile

This is my first poem.So,what do you think of it?I appreciate any opinion.Thanx.

Answer 1

It’s a very good first attempt. Now that you have written it, set it aside for a week or two and do some other things. Come back to it at the beginning of march and take a look with eyes that have two more weeks of life behind them. What changes would you make to your poem? Do you still feel the same way that you did when you wrote it? Can you trim it up a bit? Where can you use metaphors better? Does the language distract you?

You should be your own harshest critic and best editor.

Answer 2

its good, but i like my friends better;

BLACK

Black,
One of the many colors of the night sky.
When there is no more moon,
No more sky,
No more stars,
No more hope.

Black,
It is the lonely feeling of being alone in the dark.
There is no one there.
There never has been.
There never will be.
The only thing you can hear is your mind
Telling of your faults and leaving out your triumphs.

Black,
It is the feeling of being unsure.
You are not sure weather you will be next to leave this horrible, wretched place some call home.
You are unknown by anybody but yourself,
You are killed by nobody but yourself,
And as you slowly close your eyes for the last time,
You die with nobody but yourself.
Yet you are still unsure where you will go now.
Unsure of everlasting death, or everlasting life.

Black,
The suffering you see everyday on your TV screen.
You can not turn your eyes away, as much as you think you want to.
Then your mouth opens and laughs as someone is sentenced to the electric chair, and then Is burned to death because the sponge was not wet.
You do not wish to laugh, but you cant stop.

Black,
It is the last thing you will ever see.
Before they stitch your eyes and mouth shut.
Black is being buried alive.
6 feet underground where people walk right on top of your shallow grave,
And your mom is on her knees crying.
She says through her tears,
I didnt mean to be so cruel, Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry.
You wish you could comfort her,
But, like I said, youre six feet under,
Pitch blackness is the last thing youll ever hear as well as see.

Black,
It is the only color known to haunt, torture, and kill.
As you are finally put into that asylum,
You manage to pull the straightjacket off.
But you can not open the door.
That sick joke that someone played led to your insanity.
When the men in black come get your blood-stained body,
They can still see the fingernail marks counting down the days:
Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one.

This is the story of the color we all love to hate,
BLACK

Answer 3

first couple a stanzas i was like what? but then it gits better. i am not sure if i got the meaning correct but there are countless meanings behind it and it super good. *do yo thang honey ain't no shame*

Answer 4

Quite confusin...good but when it getz to 'The wind I Know' after that bit it dosn't really make much sense but good work..(My Opinion) :D

Answer 5

The poem you posted on Yahoo
Was written completely by you
It makes little sense.
And, unless I am dense,
The audience gives it a BOO.

Answer 6

i like it b/c i sense that your are satisfied but your are searching for more or a sign

Answer 7

not bad....