My husband refuses to have a joint accout with me - it annoys me and I don't know why!!?

Question

He can't give any reason for this - just the fact that it would be "too complicated" if we both had access to the account as we wouldn't know what was coming in/going out.

He says if we keep our own money +split bills, we know where we are. At the moment, however, he has his bank card and mine too (I willingly gave it to him because he works from home and pays the bills anyway). However, lately, I've felt that I should have a bank card for emergency travel if I get stuck because of trains, etc. I would have liked the idea of a joint account and we both had a card from it.

I don't really understand the objection. Seems more straightforward to me. It's not that he's mean, in fact he's very generous with money. And I am not a crazy shopping spree kind of woman either.

He worked in a bank for 20 years and they were funny about joint account. He and his first wife both work in the same bank. The bank had a policy of refusing to pay staff salaries direct into a joint account.

I work full-time outside the home. My husband has a small new-ish business working from home. I help out with that too in my free time to try and build it up.

He seems a bit strange about money. For instance would never ask what I earn. If I didn't tell him he wouldn't know. My life is an open book to him. He is older than me and I think a bachelor for too long :)

He was married for 2 years 25 years ago and has been single until he met me.

Answer 1

why don't you just get your card back and every one is happy since he wants to have an independent account

Answer 2

He is probably just particular and organized about the way he keeps his account and is hesitant to give up control lest chaos may ensue. I don't think it's really a deep relationship issue. How about this: make YOUR bank account a joint account. Your paychecks go in, but he is able to withdraw from it to pay bills. That way you will both have bank cards and your problem is solved. Instead of asking him to give up control, you are taking the first step and trusting him. Maybe eventually he'll stop using his individual account when he sees how convenient the joint account is.

Just adding a note, I'd also caution against making this a bigger deal than this is, e.g. "he doesn't trust me" or "he needs to control everything". Trust isn't a black or white issue. Does my husband trust me not to leave him and take all the money? Absolutely! Does he trust me to write down the amount I spent on my Starbuck's lattes? No way! Because I always forget to do that. If I do that a few times and the ledger is off by $13.50, that is very upsetting to him. That's his way. Luckily he's willing to track my debit charges online and keep the ledger balanced for us. I realize this is a hassle that he wouldn't have to deal with if he were single or if he just kept an individual account, and if he didn't want to do it I'd understand.

Answer 3

I'm a married banker myself, and I also handle our household finances. I understand both of your perspectives, and I would suggest you do what we do - have three accounts.

Each of you should have your own individual accounts, and then you should additionally have one joint account. General household bills, like mortgage payment, utilities, etc., should be paid out of the joint account - your husband can easily exercise control to make sure enough is transferred to the joint account to cover these bills, and a certain additional amount should be kept there as a margin for error. Then all other amounts can be kept in your individual accounts, so you can have "your" money without any oversight.

I suggest that if you're both working, you deposit pro-rata share amounts into the joint accounts. I do think that you should have a debit card with the default account being your individual account - then it's your responsibility to manage only that account so that you have enough for emergencies and incidentals. And then your husband can exercise "control" over his account and the joint account, to make sure that all bills get paid.

While I understand his point that he can't know how much you'll spend/withdraw at any given point in a joint account, I think it's unreasonable to not give you some amount of autonomy. The three-account compromise works great for us.

Answer 4

He may have had lots of frustrations trying to manage a joint account in the past. It's easy to overdraw if two people are spending from one account. He probably doesn't want to rack up overdraft fees all the time or balance the checkbook together every day to make sure to avoid that.

You should both have a more well-defined financial plan/system, though. You have to sit down and come up with a system and stick to it. He worked at a bank, so he should understand this.

1. You each should have your own bank account with autonomy. You should each have access to money you can spend that you don't have to account for to one another.

2. You should each contribute to paying the bills and saving (assuming you both have income) on a percentage basis. if you make 20% of the income, you pay 20% of the bills.

3. You should definitly each have your own credit card for emergencies and to maintain your individual credit scores.

Read "Smart Couples Finish Rich" by David Bach.

Answer 5

Why not keep your individual accounts and open a joint account. Your wages could still be paid into your joint account and you could both transfer an agreed amount each month to cover household bills etc. That would give you the best of both worlds. You'd be able to keep the bill and joint expenses straight, you'd both know what was going in and out and you'd still have you own accounts for personal spending.

Meanwhile if you want your bank card back just tell him to give it back to you, why does he need yours and his?

Answer 6

The answer is a little bit more complicated, for what I see, I think he likes to be in charge or to have control over everything. Right now he's in control of his money, and what it's worst he's in control of yours. But he's not only controlling your money, He's controlling you, He's controlling your life. This could be one possibility.
And the other one could be that he's hiding something from you.
I know it's complicated to manage a joint account, me and my wife have one, but nothing that we can't handle. Just we have to tell each other how much and what are our expenses.
I bet there's any other reason than "too complicated".
It's only that he doesn't wanna tell you.
Here's an example of what I'm Telling you.
having you guys two different accounts, yeah, "everyone is in control of its own money" or at least it should be. But this way, you don't have a clue on what he does with his money, do you?
Do you Know how much he earns? and what are his expenses?
What I mean is that I'm not able to hide something like: "Going out for dinner with some else, and to pay with my card" because we both check the account statements and my wife can see what I am doing with our money.
But don't panic yourself, I mean, this is only an idea, my very personal point of view. But at least ask him to give you back your own card!!!

Answer 7

Just a small point about joint accounts - if one of you dies the other one is locked out of the account until the will is settled (and if there is no will it could take up to 18 months to get your own money back)

As for why he doesn't want a joint account, I don't see any need for you to have one. At least with no joint account one of you isn't accusing the other one of spending the money. So it could potentially stop arguments.

Answer 8

Your husband is smart, thats why.

Ever heard of Martin Lewis or Alvin Hall. Money experts who agree with your husbands idea.

If you have a joint account, then your financial history becomes jointed as well. It is really complicated to explain, but it is the best option. Like your husband, I have seen so many joint accounts that are really messed up because too many people had access to the funds, the persons have different financial thoughts and methods, and the product itself is financially speaking rubbish.

The idea of joint accounts was dreamed up by someone wanting to tempt married couples to open a bank account with them. It worked, and everyone thought it was a great idea, till the financial details of the holders got so messy, and more people were going under as a result.

Also, it is a protection for you. If he goes bankrupt on his account, you having no financial link to him, so are protected from this problem. Its an extreme thought, but in the world where every other

I admit, I never thought of the idea of 3 accounts, but it is a really good idea if the only reason you want it is so as you can access his money.

Answer 9

If you have a budget set up that you are both committed to and have input to, you shouldn't have any trouble with the joint checking accounts.

More importantly, you need to get to the root of why he doesn't want to do a joint account. Money is one of the biggest reasons that couples fight, so if you don't feel like you are getting anywhere, you may need to see someone like a minister or marraige counselor.

Answer 10

A lot of people never do the joint account. Part of it is not wanting to give up control of your own money. Part of it is worrying that you'll lose track of how much you spent and overdraft/bounce checks.

Consider keeping your own accounts but opening one joint account that the bills are paid from. You each deposit a specified amount plus a small buffer, which would grow over time.

Answer 11

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