Staying married for your childs sake???

Question

I am 26 yrs old and have been married 2 yrs most of which has been not so happily.We have a daughter who is 1.5 together and it is the only thing we have in common.My husband and i did not intend to have children till much later in our marriage so our daughter was a suprise.He resents the fact that we have a child at all and blames it on me the reason being because i was on top!he has said this in front of family and friends.I was on the pill when my daughter was concieved and had been for 3 yrs.My husband and i fight over everything from money to sex all the time.I go to work do all the house work, cook, and take care of our daughter while he does not lift a finger to help.Can a marriage stay together for a child?

Our fight are very bad blow up involving him pushing me and then me pushing him back.We have both even spit at each other and slapped each other.I am afraid on day our daughter will walk in.We act normal in front of her.

My husband has refused therapy saying it B.S and he does not believe in that cr@p.

He is not a bum because he has a job as an accountant but does nothing else to contribute.

Answer 1

You and your child deserve to have someone that loves you both. It's not good to stay together just for the child. You'll just be teaching your daughter to stay in a loveless relationship and being abused is okay. I think it needs to have an end.

Answer 2

Yes, this is a copy and paste, but I feel it's alos appropriate here

Best Answer - Chosen By Voters

your child will notice this and will grow up to learn that it is proper to be in a 'very unhealthy relationship'. I would say you'd be better apart and giving your attention and love focused and real rather than over a level of faking through the 'staying together for the child. At 18 months, it most likely would have a lot less effect on the adult life than it will say at 5 or 7 when there is a concept of what's going on... you can try to stick it out, but, really, if it's that unhealthy, will it be possible?

Answer 3

"Our fight are very bad blow up involving him pushing me and then me pushing him back.We have both even spit at each other and slapped each other.I am afraid on day our daughter will walk in.We act normal in front of her."

Trust me, your daughter knows the tension and will see it. Not doing it infront of her doesn't mean she won't witness or know about it. Especially if she sees brusies or he begins to abuse her.

Staying together for "child sake" is the worst possible option to do.

"My husband has refused therapy saying it B.S and he does not believe in that cr@p."

Seems like he is abusive, emotionally and physically. Get out and not allow him to do any form of physical punishment to your daughter either.

You two obviously don't belong to eachother. Seperate and divorce seems best option. Especially since help is refused.

Answer 4

a marriage can stay together for any reason. However, staying together just for the child is wrong. The child is young enough and does not understand what is going on. If you are physical with each other, then it is time to move on. Husband or wife, neither deserves to be abused no matter what the situation. Take care of yourself and your daughter and be happy with your life

Answer 5

Go talk to a lawyer today. You are too young to go through this and your daughter needs to see a real loving relationship. She knows you're faking. Your husband sounds ignorant (don't tell him to his face) if he blames you for the baby. Was he there too?
There is no good time in a marriage to have children. Is he thinking he would love his child more if she were born when he was 40? How old would you be then? If you go to work and do everything else what is his purpose? Your daughter deserves to be more than a pawn in this bad marriage.

Answer 6

I'm doing the same thing. Only my wife was unfaithful. If we were to divorce she'd move to Maryland (where she is from and has family), I live in Georgia. She wouldn't be able to stay because she has no means of establishing herself here, i.e. no job or formal education and I would have to support her completly, which aside from child support, I will not do. I love my son, he's the only good we have done in our respective lives, and I couldn't not bear to be without him. So, I'm stuck. I imagine it would be different for you, women usually get the kids, while we men send a check and get a phone call. I stay and deal with it because I love my son and have chosen him over my feelings. But it is hard. You have to decide what is more important to you, your child having both of his/her parents, or your life. If you leave, you'll always have your child, but your husband will not. Maybe that doesn't bother him, if not maybe you should leave. You both may be better off. And so will your child.

I hope that helps.

Answer 7

Children would rather be from a broken home than an unhappy home. If you decided to stay in an unhealthy, abusive relationship what are you teaching your daughter? That it's okay to fight, spit, scream, hurt the one your supposed to love the most? She'll become a woman who will allow a man to abuse her. If your husband won't go to therapy then you go. Go for yourself, try to figure out why your in this relationship and why you allow yourself to be so unhappy and over worked. Don't stay and be unhappy for your daughter. It won't help her in any positive way. In relationships like this, your self esteem sinks and then your daughter's will too. Your life can get better & happier if you choose. Good luck!

** If $ is an issue for therapy and for leaving your husband, there are services out there. Ask for help.

Answer 8

I don't think the question is if but should it? My husband and I are together right now because of our kids. I have made a promise to myself and them that I would not make a decision until they are out of the house. Of course, most of the time, we get along fine. I care for him, but not in the way I should. He does not work because he got hurt and broke his foot but does collect worker's comp and contributes to the household. As far as your daughter is concerned, it takes two to tango. The same goes for getting pregnant. If you are that miserable, then you probably should not stay together. Your daughter does not deserve being brought up in a hostile atmosphere. She is too young to understand now, but she won't be and kids know more than they let on.

Answer 9

I would not say to stay married for the childs sake. This is just and excuse and wrong. HOWEVER i do not feel you have grounds for divorce her. She was NOT a mistake and is not your fault. I sure hope she does not grow up thinking this way and that she is to blame for what is wrong with your marriage. It seems like he resents her and that is NOT right at all! This is VERY WRONG to think this way and to blame the child and you for it. You both need marriage counseling and help here. You both need counseling and help and also parenting classes too. Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him about this situation and see what he has to say. He chose to have sex with you so he also is responsible for the child. Geesh you people need help! Love your little girl and cherish her and she was NO accident at all. She is a precious and beautiful little loving gift sent to you both from above and you need to love and treat her as such. Count your blessing. Be glad she is not sickly or handicapped or even born with lukemia or a half heart. WOW you people do not realize what you have in that little girl. This makes my heart sad and sick today:( Poor little girl.

Answer 10

Get some marriage counseling. Why wouldn't giving your child a family and home, and not forcing her to visit her parents and their new lovers and new children be a good reason? Don't make your child suffer your own bad mistakes and immaturity. If you and your husband haven't learned to behave like adults, get counseling and figure it out.
You're BOTH acting like 6-year old brats- stop it. Control yourselves and start being parents.
Spitting at each other? Come on! A four year old wouldn't be allowed to do that!!

Answer 11

First of all if he believes it was because you were on top then he's not a very intellectual person, it doesn't matter what position you were in!! If you stay for the sake of the child you are only hurting the child. Run far away from this guy and give your daugter the life she deserves, you don't want her having this guy as her image of what a guy should be.