I think I'm having a mid life crisis!!! 34 and freaking out!?

Question

Ok. I'm a 34 year old woman with 5 children. My hubby is from the 1950's (it seems like). He doesn't think I should work or do anything outside of the house. He tries to be supportive of my odd jobs that I have to have ie: Christmas help in retail, helping my dad's real estate business, taking community classes. What I really want to do is go to college. It was always the deal that he would finish his degree and then it was my turn! That was 4 years ago!!!! I'm going to freak out any minute. He won't let me go to school. "Who will take care of the kids? and the house?"
This is seriously affecting my relationship with my husband and sometimes with my kids. I gotta get out of here! Anyone ever felt like this????????????????

Answer 1

It is not a mid life crisis. It is called having 5 kids and a husband (who is probably more of a handful than the kids) crisis!! Remind him that he got his education and now you must get yours. You did not say how old your kids are but, if you are 34 they can't be that old. You need time to yourself, time to be who you are. Just remember it is not the kids fault if your husband is being unreasonable.

Go back to college just don't overdo it. Some on line classes will help you get going and you will still have time for your kids. When the kids get a little older take night classes, daddy can keep the kids (they are his, too).

Remember the kids only grow up once. When you miss that it is gone and you will never be able to replace the time you lost with them.

Answer 2

You are not having a midlife crisis here. You are just having a hard time right now. I feel that you need to seek counseling and help for how you are feeling and to help you get through things that are going on at home. You and your husband may also need marriage and relationship counseling too. Why dont you work from the house or even maybe babysit or do daycare from home. This way you are working and still being a house wife. You can also take college courses from home too. This way you can compromise and still work from home and make money. You could always hire a sitter while you go to work or even hire a maid to come in once in a while.

Answer 3

I can relate to you in some ways. I'm 25 and have two children and my husband didn't like me working either. I started training as a nurse, but my husband tried to stop me saying that I had to look after the children. Currently going through a divorce with him as I realised what an idiot I was for being with him.....

You should do what you desire and go to college. Don't let your husband phase you - it's your life and although you are married to him, he doesn't own you. You can still be a mother and a career woman at the same time.

Answer 4

I am a "50's" child and you have your era wrong..it is the 1900's before women could vote. My Mom had all 5 of us in the 50's and she held done a full time job, even going back to school and getting her diploma after my youngest sister was born. In society today women are no longer a slave in the home but an equal partner and if you want to go back to school and have a career, do so. Talk to your husband, tell him what your going to do, tell him his new responsibility with "his" children will be, hire a Nanny to come in and help if you think your household needs one or a reliable babysitter. Women all over the world are working full time and raising children and Fathers are helping out, as they should since it was 50% of themselves that brought those children into the home.

Answer 5

OMG!! been there done that,are my husband and yours related? i actually had a scholarship to go anywhere i wanted but stupidly decided to forego my career to be a stay at home wife and mother,my husband has his own career and is not home that often and he uses the same excuse for me having to stay at home your husband does, i kept telling myself i could always go later on in life after the kids were bigger i am now 37 and feel i am too old to pursue the career i wanted(veterinarian),i have been "allowed" to have one job (as a waitress) outside the home in the 18 years i have been with my husband i worked 3 days a week but my husband made my life so difficult and gave me such a guilt trip about the kids being raised by someone other than me that i felt i had to quit,so in order to keep myself from going completely insane and feeling badly about myself i work out of my home i do animal rescue as well as raise dogs and horses on a small scale,it doesn't substitute for the actual career i wanted or for getting out there in the real world but i meet lots of interesting people and keep myself busy with animals and stay home and enjoy my children and home i have the best of both world,plus i get to have the feeling that i have done something productive with my life besides raise three beautiful children ...i feel your pain and frustration though i really really do,my advice to you is either take a stand right now and let your husband know in no uncertain terms you NEED to do something for yourself before you go nuts,or you can make the best of your situation and find an alternative to fill the void like i did

Answer 6

every one has felt this way at one time or another. get a sitter for the kids and have a long sit down talk with your husband. Do NOT let him blow it off like its unimportant. even if you have to tie him down...make it a game. but detain him. tell him you Love your family. tellhim you Love him first. and that your on his side no matter what but he needs to take "YOUR" his wife into consideraation. and that it would benefit both of you and the family if you continue your education as he promised. help him "gently" undrestand that your looking towards your future together as a family and as a husband and wife after the children are gone. Think retirement $$$$ where's it going to come from... no more social security will be paid out. Now what........Financial stability is a major KEY> and all your doing is looking at yours/ his goal for the future by furthering your education.

Answer 7

You've got five kids at 34 -- that's pretty well full-time work. Indeed a full-time career. And far more rewarding than studies. Academic studies belong at the start of life, not half-way thorugh it.
Enjoy what you have -- it'll give you far more pleasure than any academic qualification.

You could probably get some academic qualification over a longer period of part-time studies at the rate of a subject a year, but trying to escape from the family is just turning away the most fulfilling career you could have.

Answer 8

Either take classes when your husband gets home from work, or do them online for a while. Remind him of his promise to let you go to college after he got his degree. Tell him that your mental health is suffering because of not getting out, or getting a break from the children.

Answer 9

Sure many people do everyday.

Here's the deal. Marriage is not about telling your spouse NO. It's really about inpowering them to do what they want to do in life (given as rough and as short as it is). You are not his to control, he is there to help you live the best life you can. But he's got it all backwards. He's not looking for ways to make "it" happen for you. It's much easier to just tell you NO.

Think of all the spouses that are all about the NO. No to sex, no to new experiences, no to new paths, no, no, no. When really they should be all about the YES. It's not like you are asking for something you ought not be asking for.

My 2cents.

Answer 10

Settle down firecracker,,, You make an Agreement and now it's your turn,,get going....I did the same thing 1 year ago not 4.Tell him it's been to long and the time is NOW