Overbearing Mother-in-law?

Question

We just moved 600 miles away from my in-laws, but it isn't far enough. My MIL calls my husband to make sure he makes it to work safely on rainy/snowy days. She reminds him to wear warm clothing, she sends both of us chain letters to try to get us to go to church more often. She has told us she cries herself to sleep at night because she's so sad that her son married someone who "doesn't know Jesus." My husband just ignores all of it - he says he doesn't want to hurt his mother by asking her to not send the chain letters, reminding her that she doesn't need to check to make sure he's made it to work safely, etc. I'm at my wit's end. Does anyone have experience with this? I've asked her to stop sending the chain letters (that earned me three weeks of silent treatment), but I think all I can really do is ask my husband to be more assertive with his mother. Any advice? Thank you!

Answer 1

Send a memo out to everyone on email address that all chain letters non related to email will be sent to junk mail as it is cluttering up your inbox. (So you not just pin pointing her).

It is a legit response as I get that issue myself. I have dial up and my mom does too. In Outlook, it can take 2 hours for a chain letter document to come through sometimes as those are usually high in bites.

As far as your husband, he doesn't want to make waves and most males are like that.

If he wants to be "babied" by her. Let him. If he gets tired of it, that is his problem. As long as she isn't affecting you or calling you, don't make a big issue about it. He has to learn to leave the nest and she has to learn to let go. You can hassle him to tell her to stop, but in reality, he seems he doesn't want her to stop or else he would of told her or got the hint across by the annoyance of it. If you tell him to stop, he will rebel against you and blame you for the "seperation".

As far as relgious goes, some people are like that and all you can do is tell her to respect your freedom of choice and to not be rude. If she gives silent treatment, then she isn't that "Jesus" friendly after all. She has to learn to be civil, even in a disagreement.

He married you knowing what you believe in and you and him both need to discuss that issue.

He doesn't want to "hurt" her but in the mean time, he is hurting his marriage. Remind him of that.

Her hurt can be adjusted over time. he is a grown man with a wife now. He doesn't need his mother to nurture him like that anymore.

Answer 2

Does your MIL live alone? If so, she might be bugging you out of lonliness. Get your son to talk her into taking a class, getting a part-time job, or volunteering for a worthwhile cause. She will meet people this way, and maybe let some of the pressure off you.

Your husband should remind his mom that he has no problem with your not knowing Jesus.

Answer 3

I understand it's annoying, but just ignore her. Throw away the letters (or just put them in your spam-folder if they're e-mails, get a phone that shows who's calling (don't know the English name for that), and just don´t answer if it's your MIL.
If she gives you the silent treatment, well, isn´t that ok in a way? At least you don´t have to put up with her, and you don´t seem to have a lot in common anyway, so you´can obviously manage fine without her breathing down your neck.
I guess if I had that kind of relationship with my MIL I would expect my husband to support me, and care more about my feelings than his mothers, but you´ve tried talking to him, and you can´t force him to ask her to stop.
Anyway, as i said, your life will be better without her constantly bothering yo, so ignore her and maybe, maybe she will stop. Well, you can always hope for the best, yeah?

Answer 4

Hear ya! I've been there. I'm catholic, my ex'h was a southern baptist and my MIL told me that I was going to burn in hell on a daily basis.

Ignore her chain letters and don't let that bother you, You can tell her to stop until you get blue in the face and she won't, because to her, she is doing YOU a favor. It's her "christian" duty to "save you" from hell. You will offend her if you tell her to stop trying to "save" you because you will insultw her religious beliefs.

That's a war wou will not win, so just ingore them and when asked about it, say that they were received and thank you.

If you guys moved 600 miles away, is natural that she misses her "baby". That's what mothers do, baby their little 30 year old babies. When you get your own children you'll understand that you never stop caring even if they are married and have left the nest.

Be gracious and considerate, and grateful that she is away. Always thank her for her care and concern, no matter how annoying it is.

Good luck

Answer 5

Don't tell your husband how to behave with his mother. When the chain letters come throw them out without opening them. It is your husband who has to deal with the phone calls, let him. Do not answer the telephone when she calls (I assume you have caller ID) heck you don't even have to pick it up or go to the answering machine.
Religious fanatics are the worse. But then anyone who believes in all the heaven and hell stuff has to be a little coo coo to begin with.

Answer 6

do you watch the show everybody loves Raymond? well that's how she sounds i have one just like it and it drives me NUTS! but the only person that can stop this is your husband i had to have mine do it and it works. tell him to set boundaries with her and tell her I'm a big boy now you know you will always be my mom and i will always love you but now that I'm a married man you can call me all the time i have to work and provide for my family and i cant be on the phone al the time and have him set a time for when she calls or make it once a day at the end of the day or even once a week

Answer 7

chain letter?
via US post or email?
if it's email then block her address
it's it's US post open to make sure their are no checks inside (smile) and then if not tear it up and toss it.
or write "REFUSED...return to sender" on the envelope

sounds like she needs something else to focus on.
surprised she isn't consumed with church activities


but you ARE 600 miles away and that is a very good thing

men seem to have a problem setting boundaries with their birth families

if it's really gnawing on you the two of you should see a counselor or you should go alone to develop the skills so as to not let it upset you so.

last,
at least your husband has chosen you and has not let his mom dictate who he should marry based on her faith.

Answer 8

Once a mother, always a mother. She loves and misses her son. But it also sounds like she's not too fond of you. I'd just let your husband have his relationship with his mother. You need to try not to let her petty remarks bother you. And don't respond to those idiotic chain letters! Just throw them out or delete them if she sending echains.

Answer 9

Nothing you can do, something your husband must do!

But I had a mean grumpy father in law that treated me like a I was the most stupidest moran in the whole world, ignored me when I talked, didn't eat when I cooked, and didn't invite me along with everyone else when he'd go out.

I wrote him a letter to let him know how hurt I was, it went something like this, "I do not need you to come to MY house anymore because of your attitude and my feelings getting hurt. I don't want a mean grumpy old man runining my day. You are no longer invited here until you have an acceptable apoligy." He never did come over any more and never did apoligize. But that was fine, as long as I didn't have to see him. Of course my husband would still talk to his father. I would hang up on him if I was the one answering. If he doesn't respect me, than I don't respect him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

First off, set up a junk mail account and have her emails go there. That way, you never have to read them...don't worry about missing something important, I guarantee, she will call!

Second, why do you care if she calls him every morning-how does that effect you? She's calling him-he needs to deal with that, it's not your problem. However, if she is calling you to make sure that he got to work every morning, then get caller id and stop answering the phone. Easy enough!

Don't let this woman have power over you every day. You are in control of the information that you hear and read, etc. Just don't do it...

Good Luck