Is she using me?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 4 years. We are both in college right now trying to finish up our degrees.

She has always needed my help and encouragement all throughtout college. I help her with her essays (practically write them for her), I help her do her homework, etc.

Also she seems to find it right that she spends a whole lot of money (that we don't have) on herself but gives me all kinds of greif if I want to buy a $20 pair of speakers for my computer. She also has this gambling habit that has added $4000 to our total debt including student loands and credit cards etc.

So I spend my friday/saturday nights with our baby while she goes out and lives it up at the casino with her mom. Her mom by the way is the one that got her started on this gambling habit.

If it wasn't for our son, I would have dumped her long ago.

Is she using me?

Answer 1

She is definitely using you. A woman who gambles plus all that you described about her, is not a good wife. Your marriage will be doomed if she doesn't change for the better. It's hard for a gambler to stop gambling. You have the right as a husband to disallow her to visit the casino. Exercise that right.

Answer 2

It sounds like she is very immature and self centered. She is using you, but in her mind she does not see it that way. She probably feels that she is entitled to whatever she does and sees nothing wrong with it.

Try to have a straight talk and explain things from your perspective, but I am afraid it won't make much difference. She will end up arguing that there is nothing wrong with her and the fault lies in you. If she does that, you will know things are not going to be any different in the future and infact will only get worse as your income level increases after you both get a job and start earning. She will bring you down emotionally as well as financially. It is not just you who will pay a price, your kid will too.

It is very hard to end it all because of the child. In the long run, the child will benefit from growing up in a stable household than in a dysfuntional family. Bite the bullet and get prepared to end it soon. It is easier for a child to get used to living with a single parent or with a step parent at an earlier age rather than when they are older. As they get older the emotional trauma is more pronounced than when they are very young.

Sorry to see you go through this. I am sure you and your child will come out stronger when it is all settled.

Answer 3

You can take your son with you and get a divorce from her..Sounds like she is a control freak..If you decided to take the child and leave there is NOTHING she can do because you are the father and you have as much right as she does...YES she is using you..Can you move in with some one so she can't use that against you ??Even if it's a temp move until you get your own place,maybe your parents,brother's ,or sister's place..I would also plane the move on one of the nights she goes out with her mother this way she won't brake anything of yours or start a fight..This way it is a clean move for you and your child..Good Luck I hope you the your child and move then file for a divorce...

Answer 4

It sounds like she is too controlling. You need to tell her that she needs to start putting in a little more effort, not just with your relashionship, but also with her school work and money problems. She needs to get the facts and see what she is doing, if she tries to tell you otherwise just remember that you've been doing alot for her and she doesn't seem to be giving anything. If you truly don't want to be with her then maybe you should get a divorce so that she doesn't become controlling over your sweet child. Don't let it go too long either because you don't want to be stuck with the debts of your wife.

Answer 5

I think that is the classic definition of SELFISH.

Marriage requires two unselfish partners.
You already know if you would be better off.
What kind of relationship does this model for your son.
Dad does everything while mom parties.

Step up to the plate and tell this one she has responsibilities and needs to get with the marriage program, she'll do you the favor of leaving, committing adultery, (because her feelings are more important then her Fidelity and you got your excuse to dump and run.

That's how selfish girls work.

Pick a better one next time.

Answer 6

I was in a relationship like this where the mother/daughter see me as a resource only. Luckily I wasnt married to her nor did we have children. If you confront her she will most likely deny any problem. Document everything but dont dwell on it. Then get a divorce and move on. Don't vent on her either, it will be easy for her to label you as abusive and the less you say the more she is left to wonder and you have the advantage. Love your son.

Answer 7

No i don't think she is using you, but i don't think she knows what she wants. Try putting your foot down and telling her how it is going to be. Either she can stay home with you and be a family or she can go live the single life with her mom and you will move on with your life and your son.

Answer 8

Uh yes, she is, or just a little too self absorbed. You both should go to counseling, esp. her, for the gambling. Try and save it first, you have a child. Good luck.

Answer 9

Hell Yes! Wake up dude. She needs help with gambling issue and you need to take a stand to preserve your credit and your life.

Answer 10

Just a little bit of advice, There is a sucker born everyday. Guess the day you were born it was you. How can you even ask that question, did you read what you wrote? HELL YES SHE"S USING YOU.