... and they have no erotic joy in their life because they in effect have no sex partner in their life, and because they are married, they don't want anyone else, and they can't legitimately get with someone else either.
In other words, isn't V-day the everlovin' pits for those forced into sexlessness by their anti-sex or sex averse spouse?
Just reading the cards about how great they make your life cuts like a knive when all you get is neglect and/or sexual rejection.
You don't have to answer publicly if you're ashamed (though it's not your fault). Write to me at my email or
2007-02-14 02:43:37 · 15 answers · asked by JRSK007 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is madeit right????
Maybe I have loved my spouse too much by staying with them.
2007-02-14 03:09:32 · update #1
piepiepie,
Respectfully, you just don't know what you are talking about. There's plenty of people who are in marriages where they had no idea their spouse was against sex, and didn't find out until after the marriage when it was too late. You just don't know what is going on in too many marriages. What do you think the cause of affairs is? Too much money? Too much free time? Too much love at home? Not enough of another person's stuff to deal with? Ha.
2007-02-14 03:13:32 · update #2
greyrider,
what if they don't think they need therapy? Anti-sex partners don't think there's anything wrong with their repulsion to sex.
But your input is appreciated.
2007-02-14 03:41:32 · update #3
If you are a good man you should not tolerate being in a marrige with a sexless person. I mean even if they are not interested in getting some themseves they can show you 15-minutes of love. If 15 minutes is to much for a doveted husband. The women is just to selfish to be married. Dump her.
2007-02-14 02:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
They do cut... I have to agree. Me and my wife are physically NON-inimate (her choice) and have been that way for a few years with on-again/off-again bouts of sexual interest, mostly off. It has been almost a year of complete non-intimacy... the longest yet, so to say that it "cuts like a knife" is an understatement to me.
I have no problem answering this publicly... ashamed as I am, it is not of MY choosing... I am a very sexual creature... the wife, obviously not-so. I pick cards that mostly are reminiscent... looking back at the 'good' times and not so currently talking about our state of love or especially passion, since there is none.
I know I am not alone and there are so many spouses in similar situations... according to recent research, it's an epidemic, sadly. Marriage should be intimate, full of romance and passion, however people CHANGE and sadly, many times those changes are in different directions. That is our case, unfortunately - I cannot figure this woman out... and on Friday the 16th, we celebrate our 16th anny. Not sure how many more we will have, though, although at this point, divorce is NOT an option.
I feel for all those spouses stuck in similar situations... married to an attractive spouse whom you have feelings for and still love without intimacy is like having a nice fancy sports car, but being not allowed to drive it.
2007-02-14 13:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by azcuriousm4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, get counselling for you and your spouse. Being anti-sex is one thing, but I'm guessing it was a change because who would marry someone who's against sex?? It's something else. Hope you get what you need! If you didn't know your spouse was against sex before marriage, that's grounds for divorce because your marriage is based on a lie.
2007-02-14 02:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I get sick of the excuses. No man can get it once every 2 weeks or 1 once a month like my wife wants and be happy. I don't know how she expects me to stay faithful. She is worried I am going to cheat on her, Gee maybe fight for your man!! Its not like the things i do for her all the time I enjoy doing. All I need is 5 minutes of your time.
2007-02-14 03:39:09 · answer #4 · answered by Shep 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not forced into sexlessness. You do have options, but you choose not to exercise them. Affair, divorce, marriage/sex counseling....Not to mention V-day isn't about sex necessarily, it can be about love. And if you choose to stay in a sexless relationship, then it has to be for love. Why stay miserable out of a sense of duty? What kind of life is that? At least on your deathbed you can say...I may have shunned passion, but at least I was dutiful...come on.
2007-02-14 02:53:12 · answer #5 · answered by me! 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there living that. Good luck brother.
Ladies if you are living this way and you think your man has become accostomed to this you are wrong
He will either A: Have an affair
B: Leave you when the kids are out of the house.
2007-02-14 03:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by onlineseeker 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Valentine's day isn't just about sex. It's about showing the one you love how much you love and appreciate them. It doesn't mean that it HAS to get physical. Yes, we all know that sex is a part of love, but for those that are anti-sex, doesn't mean that Valentines Day is a sham. (you need to get you some!)
By the way, I am NOT anti-sex.
2007-02-14 02:58:58 · answer #7 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I don't know what to say. You need to find out whats going on that the other person is not feeling sexual or why that conection has been lost between the two of you. Try a little romance instead of the usual bing bang lets get to it.
2007-02-14 02:57:30 · answer #8 · answered by 女性ウルバリン 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you both need intense counseling. Sex therapy even. If you feel so neglected you need to speak with her about it (I'm probably correct in guessing that you are a man). Communication is key - you are just trying to justify at this point (I'm sure you know what I am referring to). Sex is linked with emotional well-being for women - chances are you are not meeting her emotional needs.
Your spouse needs to realize that you have needs and expectations and you need to realize that you may have to compromise. Sex 3 times a day isn't realistic for most couples. 3 times a week is very realistic. Most women don't realize that sex is more of a physical need for men than it is for women. Once they do realize that it can make a huge difference.
I've been separated for several years now - my husband made it all about sex. I was going through cancer treatments (heavy-duty chemo, radiation, biotherapy, the works) and he was going through various on-line dating sites, his co-workers, etc. If I was too exhausted or sick to 'put out' he simply found it elsewhere. This was after 12 yrs. of marriage. He never took into account that, after our son was born (he brought up how our sex life had changed after, or course) I was the one losing sleep (he slept through the majority of the puke-fests, night-time feedings, getting up every 2 hours - or not sleeping at all, doing laundry in the middle of the night because of toddler's diarrhea, etc.). I was always the one who stayed up reading to our son or trying to comfort him when he was ill so hubby could sleep. I was the one who stayed up all night at the hospital during surgeries, sickness, etc. so hubby could stay home and get a good night's rest. I was the one who worked full-time (a financial necessity), still went to all of our son's school functions (and baked, shopped, etc. for these functions), managed the house (my hubby hit the couch after work most days), etc. I may have averaged about 4 - 5 hrs. of sleep most nights throughout the most of our son's early childhood. That takes a drastic toll on a woman's sex-drive, her health, her hormone levels, etc. And then to have a man who gets 8 - 10 hrs. of sleep every night and dinner on the table most evenings whining about how he's not getting any doesn't help!!! My husband rarely went outside to play with our son, didn't help with homework (until after he left and had no choice), or partake in any extracurricular activities with our son. But he wanted a house full of kids.
My suggestion to you? Make sure your wife is getting good sleep. If that means enticing her to bed lovingly and just cuddling - do it. Help her out around the house, if you don't already. Do things for her without her having to ask (or nag!). If she is self-concious about her weight - join a gym with her (make it about health not weight) - let her know it is important to you that you both live long, healthy lives. Take walks or bike rides with her. If her weight is an issue you will be amazed how much of a difference even 5 or 10 lbs. will make in her sex drive. As far as intimacy goes, make sure she feels loved. Don't be crude but do give her compliments that you know she will appreciate. Pick up a book called 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. Read it and then have her read it. Finally, sit and discuss how you feel with her - without blaming or sounding petty. If my husband had done all of that AND let me know how important sex was to him (and given me a chance to recover from my treatments) I wouldn't have been able to stay off of him.
If you do this you will probably be posting this time next year how worn out you are from all the 'lovin' you get.
2007-02-14 03:34:42 · answer #9 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A no sex valentines day sucks, it's that simple. That also means it's a no sex marriage, which sucks even more.
2007-02-14 03:22:22 · answer #10 · answered by B 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋