Wife caught cheating now what?

Question

i want to take her back but im scared too im afraid she will break my heart again she is sorry for what she did i can tell ive known her for 9 years but im scared to give my heart back to her. She said she did it because she thought i did not love her and she found an old friend online they started talking and her said things that made her feel good they meet up one night and she spent the night with him he held her all night and the next morning made his move. she said she just got caught up in the moment but really did not want to.I believe she is sorry and made a mistake but should i forgive her.should i set her up to find out the truth
or should i just man up and get over it?

Answer 1

First, I don't think to get over it you have to "man up". That's not a man. Second, personally, she doesn't sound like she's taking too much responsiblity for her actions. She got caught up in the moment? What kindof lame excuse is that? What's the next moment she'll get caught up in? Will it be okay then? You said she really didn't want to but she did anyways - what is that all about? Does she not have a voice? Is she incapable of saying NO? I don't buy it - I don't know her but I still don't buy it. I think she's stringing you along buddy and you best cut your loses now. If you still want her though - go for counseling, both of you.

Answer 2

I have know a few marriages that have survived a cheating spouse. But it takes a lot of work.

First - a mistake is what you make when you forget the milk at the store, or fill in the wrong line of a form. Mistake is not strong enough a word for what your wife did. It's not something to just shrug off, or just sort-of happened. Instead she has to truly be able to take full responsibility for her choice to cheat.

Second - You have to be able to forgive her. Forgiving means not holding it over her head, guilting her, or treating it like it's still an open wound. Will you ever forget? Probably not. But you will be able to move on and leave it in the past where it belongs. And with forgiveness comes trust. Will you ever be able to trust her? That 's where your fear is coming from, and only you can answer this question.

Third - Both of you have to be willing to work on this marriage. It just can't be you. She has to truly want to save this marriage and want it to work. Both parties have to put in equal effort.

Fourth - Enlist outside help: therapists, pastors, familiy etc. Get a support network to help you both rebuild your marriage. Which is exactly what you are doing - rebuilding. Not starting over but entering a new phase where you both have to learn to respect each other in greater depth.

Answer 3

It takes a strong relationship to recover after one of them cheats.
If your relationship was strong, then give it a shot.
But, have a very long and open talk with her before u decide. People cheat because there was something missing. She wasnt getting something from u. She needs to be honest about this. And u need to take it in stride and correct it, or she will cheat again to get it if the two of you rekindle your relationship.
It doesnt sound like u had major issues. She just needed something and thought he could give it to her.
Then, once that issue is resolved........u have to decide if u can let a sleeping dog lie. You have to resolve to not ever bring it up again or throw it in her face during an arguement. You have to start from today and forget the past. Begin a fresh relationship and dont dwell or assume it will happen again.
Whats up with thinking u should set her up to find out the truth? You need to get over that. You either want this to work or u dont. There should be no setting up of anyone.
Bottom line, u guys can make it, but u gotta have the want to, to do it.
It will be solely up to the two of you, and moreso up to u to leave it in the past and move on. If you can do that.....then i say try.
GOod luck to u.

Answer 4

find out were her heart is at first before making any rash moves. is this a one time thing? or a pattern of behavior? is she remorseful and her actions say so? often times it is not that we don't love the person anymore, we are just afraid of going through it again, and trusting again, perhaps she should have talked it over with u first before sleeping with him. found an old friend on line tells u it was all premeditated and sort of planned. the truth is she used poor judgment, but u are never going to feel the same about the relationship, so it is really up to u if u think u can move past it or not, if u don't feel u can it is best to move on and let her move on.

Answer 5

If you want to take her back, then you should do it slowly, resentment might surface in you....she should rent a place for a month and you two should date and hang out. What if you can't get over it. This isn't something that just happens, but it could make your marriage better....but you need to take it slow in order to get over it, you can't just take her back because you love her and are scared to lose her. You need to really do some soul searching...take care of yourself first. The other thing is that she really needs to reflect on what she did, people have a hard time forgiving themselves and that can cause self destructive tendencies. If its meant to be, it will happen, but take it slow.
Good luck, and remember that as much as something hurts today, it always gets better.

Answer 6

Aw, what a sad story. Too bad there is NEVER an acceptable reason for cheating. What about the next time she doesn't feel loved by you? Unfortunately, people that cheat seem to missing a "sensibiltiy" chip. Most people that cheat, cheat again. Are you a gambling man? That's what you're doing by taking her back. Don't make it too easy for her - make her earn any forgiveness that you may give her.

Answer 7

Only time will tell on this one. She's the one that has to live with the guilt, but I don't think I would be too quick to forgive her. You need to play hard to get for awhile and see what happens. She may get back with him, then did she truly regret what she did? I always hate it when someone cheats, they always blame someone else, like you. She says I just got caught up in the moment, he was so sweet, blah, blah, blah. She needs to realize, she's the selfish one here, she made that choice. Maybe spend a little time apart from her for awhile, then see what happens.

Answer 8

Every person deserves a second chance. But you need to figure out what it is that your marriage is lacking so that she doesn't need the comfort of another man! I'm not saying that what she did is right or that your to blame but coming from a prior cheater there is always a reason why a woman cheats. So you must figure out what it is and work on fixing the problem.

Answer 9

Forgiving someone for cheating takes time and kindness. You do not need to know if you should take her back now, all you need to ask yourself is do you love her enough to try and trust her again. Please do not expect yourself not to be scared or worried that she will hurt you again. She needs to be willing to allow you to be angry and scared. Patience and kindness with yourself is the only way to the other side. Taking time to figure out what happened that she felt you didn't love her anymore and why she didn't talk to you about that. Communication and kindness with each other, for now, is all you can do. As time goes on you will have the answers you need to know if you trust her. If you love her it is worth being uncomfortable and scared. You can build a stronger relationship with more communication if you are willing to just be open to who she is, even if that means she is someone you can't trust anymore. Whatever you do, don't deny your feelings of fear and anger...talk about them...if she is willing to listen to them, your relationship will grow. If she gets tired of hearing about them, you know she isn't willing to be selfless for awhile.

Answer 10

If you can truly forgive her and get your marriage back on track then you should forgive her.

Is she worth it for you? and will you be able to not throw this in her face the next time something goes wrong?

Everyone deserves a second chance, and it will be good for you to start communicating again and see what you're both committed to in your marriage.