I love my husband of 10 years. We have two wonderful kids together. In the past 3 years we have been through a lot of changes- Moved twice, 2 job changes for him, etc.
It seems like lately we go through the motions- We are friendly. He has a very stressful job where he leaves at 7:00AM and comes home at 7:00PM. I have a stressful jobs of taking care of our children and doing everything house related. We are both exhausted and spent by the end of the day.
We barely communicate. When we have time together we do home improvements or sort through bills or other chores and obligations. There is no romance at all. I feel that we've been like this for too long.
How do we get the romance back?
Please only serious replies- Don't say, "have sex". Also, it is VERY difficult to get babysitters.
2007-02-14 01:57:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Einstien said "Nothing changes til it moves". You must take some kind of step in his direction. You don't want to hear "have sex"? OK, but one of the things you DO need to do is to reestablish some kind of physical connection, whether it be just your toes sliding up his calf as you sit paying bills, or your hand on his arm now and then as you work on the chores. Hell honey, even waitresses touch their customers when serving them, why wouldn't you put a kind hand to your husband? It must of course go further later, but for now, just begin to move closer to him.
Your hours are no excuse. I understand how you have fallen into a rut but really, anything wanted badly enough will have time made for it.
It's not about a big night out or some extravagant plan to put the "spark" back in your marriage. It's a consistant, steady effort at building a relationship, a small step at a time.
Start with the time you have at the beginning of the day, when you have a little energy. Get up 30 minutes earlier and have coffee with the man. Share some trivial thing with him, totally unrelated to your lives, not the house or the kids or your work. Some opinion, some interest, something he doesn't know about you. Something that might come as a surprize.
At the end of the day, don't roll over. Take another 30 mintues in bed. TALK to him, engage him. Touch him a little. Just trace little circles on his arm as he falls asleep. Ask him a question, ask for his help with something. Try kissing him, or ask if he might not just hold you for a few minutes.
I know, if you havent beeen sexual or romantic any of this will feel awkward, but you must move out of what is comfortable for anything to change. And you can forget TALKING about it. You need to speak to him with what you DO. Little things, baby steps. Chances are he wants this too.
2007-02-14 02:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he gets home from his stressful job greet him at the door and when he is relaxed give him a nice massage on the neck and shoulders. Spend the evening together just relaxing together on the couch watching tv. Love is spelled time. How about renting or buying a romantic movie to watch together ..... How about taking a nice bubble bath together after the kids are in bed. Take some time at least once a week to do this together or even once every other week. Make your marriage and relationship a priority in your life and you will see a big improvement in it. Holding hands and just sitting together and cuddling on a couch does not take alot of time either. Love is what you make of it and it does not take alot of money or time it only takes a little time out of each and every day to say and show someone that you love each other. Look at the time and effort you are putting into your kids and other things around the house. If you learn to manage your other time better you will be able to manage your marriage and romance better. Your marriage should be top priority in your life and then your kids are second to that and other people after that. Try having a date night out once a month or so . Just the two of you and no kids.
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2007-02-14 10:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ritata, you both spend so much time being parents, breadwinners, maids, etc. that you have forgot how to be friends and lovers. The solution? Always schedule a time alone with your husband (dinner date, going out for drinks, etc.) where you both connect intimately and romantically. DO NOT use this time to talk about the broken water heater, the big credit card bill due next week, the busy week ahead, etc. Remember back to when you were first dating and talk about the fun things. Hold hands. Look into each other eyes. Heck, sit in the parking lot and make out in the back seat!
2007-02-14 10:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by Harry Taco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling, girl. I'm right there with you and can easily be sucked into the "Mommy Vortex" of kids, and household chores. I have found that when ever the moment hits me to look around and really see the blessings I have I will call my husband up and say to him " Honey, I love you and I just wanted to take a sec to thank you for sharing this wonderful, exciting, nausiating, exsuating journy with me. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone but you." I don't even give him a chance to respond, cause I know that that call will inspire a nice conversation and maybe more when he gets home. Good Luck, and try to remind yourself everyday of one thing that made you fall in love or that keeps you in love. Marriage is a rollercoaster up and down. The ups are what get us thru the downs.
2007-02-14 10:30:05 · answer #4 · answered by littlemama_rules 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend the day wearing the kids out, feed them and put them to bed early. Then have a candle light dinner with hubby and shower him with kisses and love talk. If you can find time for those unimportant things like bills and home repairs you can find time to put romance back in the marriage. You have to set it up, it won't just happen, you have gotten into a rut.
2007-02-14 10:05:57 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋