for last 2 yrs i've been feeling like something was wrong .tried to get him to join in /go out more to no avail. he has put me through hell making me feel bad about myself for the last 3 months and making me feel as if it was all me. i've also been v ill over january and been diagnoised with glandular fever and liver problems so not been up to par.i moved in with my mum so as i could rest and him look after the kids to give me a break as i've still been trying to work. came home to get something and over heard part of a conversation. didn't judge but asked the next day saying didn't mean to hear then he told me what was actually going on. the last 2 years now make sense,his reaction to me and lack of wanting to do anything. apparently she was very controlling and it was a highly abusive thing on her side .if we went out she would make his life hell.he pushed me to a virtual breakdown what with the illness aswell. i now just feel like a switch has gone off and numb. just have the kids.
2007-02-14 01:52:35 · 31 answers · asked by mistyfied 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i only stayed at my mums for 2 days and it was at his suggestion as he said he was only making me miserable. yes i carried on working while i was ill i still have bills to pay and i work from home. the kids mean everything to me. it was so hard to stay at my mums and she only lives half a mile away.. he says what i heard was him breaking it off . its so hard cos i want to do what is right for the kids. the easy way is just to go back and block it away. everyone else will be ok but will i?
2007-02-14 02:39:30 · update #1
Don't you dare let him blame you! The affair was HIS decision and totally HIS! Nobody forced him to do it. I am all for trying to work on a marriage until every last option has been exhausted. If you both still want this marriage, then please seek counseling. Before anything though, he needs to stop seeing this other person. If he won't stop seeing her, or if one or both of you does not want counseling, then it needs to end.
You are numb. It's a shock and that's the way the mind handles an overload.
I wish you the best!
2007-02-14 02:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot believe you remain so naive even after you found out he was cheating. That "she was abusive" stuff is nothing but a bunch of crap and who cares if she was. It would actually make me feel better if she was abusive. He deserves everything he gets and more. Face it. You have a lying cheating no good husband. They usually don't change and he will most likely cheat again in time. If you can live with that and be happy, then forgive him and take him back. I think you deserve someone better than that, someone that will respect and love you. The way a man reacts when you are ill tells a lot about him. I had a liver transplant and was in the hospital for over 2 months and it took me over 6 months to return to being somewhat normal again. My husband traveled to the hospital 100 miles everyday and would just sit and talk to me while I was in a coma for the first 3 weeks. My mother said he never complained once about anything the entire time. I came home and he did everything for me without a complaint ever. Now that's what a man does for someone he loves when she is ill. He doesn't lie and cheat and make her life hell. Did he actually want your sympathy or forgiveness with that abuse crap? How could you ever trust him again? If I were in your shoes, I would kick him out and take eveything I could take from him starting with the kids. Of course, he will have to pay for the kids and hopefully me when I get a good lawyer to make sure he does the right thing. The only thing I would want to control on him from here on out is all his money and assets and I would continue to control them until the kids are 18. Putting me through hell and making me feel like nothing while he beds a mistress while I was sick would cost him dearly.
2016-03-29 06:09:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. The guy is a bastard!
My husband had a seven month affair. I found out 4 months ago. It still hurts very badly. I left him straight away. As much as I wanted us to grow old together I just couldnt be with him after that betrail.
You deserve so much better. In a little while you will see that the way he treated you was so wrong. Eventhough you are hurt and going to miss him, you are also going to realise that you most likely are better of without him.
He break you heart and makes you ill. You will have a better life starting over. It is hard but it can be done.
2007-02-14 02:49:18 · answer #3 · answered by Laila 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they will blame it on almost anything when confronted about their affair. yes the other woman is a controlling person, she seems to run the show. he is emotionally involved and physically. for over 2 years my ex treated me badly, so it was no surprise when i found out about her. think they just don't love us anymore or want to be with us. u will hurt and be numb, u haven't exactly accepted it yet, until u do there will be this numb feeling. yes i do believe i had a breakdown also, couldn't even grasp it for a long while. best to accept it, and ask him where his heart is at, if it isn't with u, u do need to set him free, and free yourself from a man who no longer loves u. it is a shock to us, because we saw our marriage as a good one, and to have this happen really turns our whole world upside down. get some therapy and pray. the prayer may not bring him back to u, but it will help u. good luck i know this is so hard, the grief process has to be gone through before any healing can take place. the other woman will stop at nothing to destroy your marriage, and does have much more control over him than we know.
2007-02-14 02:07:24 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be strong here. It's up to you whether you forgive him or not; but two years is not a fling; it's a relationship. I would not, could not, get over this; it has changed everything between you both, forever.
You are ill from stress, but you CAN get better; be strong; I recommend you see a good solicitor, and see where you stand on issues of the children, the house, etc. You will need lots of support; get your friends onside; get your mum to help with the kids.
how dare he push you to one side while he claimed he was being controlled/abused by another woman whom HE CHOSE to sleep with. Girl, you are worth so much more than this.
I have been in your place. I was in hospital with complications following the birth of my 5th child; I'd felt my partner had changed - he was more distant. I came home from hospital earlier than expected and found the house empty and a letter form another woman on OUR bed; it was alove letter, in which she poured out her heart for him, and it was obvious she knew nothing about me- the letter was addressed to his work address.
It had also been going on for 2 years. I threw him out. He pleaded and begged; said he'd finish it, etc.; I did not believe him. My baby was 5 weeks old.It was very hard, especially financially, but I managed. So can you.
2007-02-14 05:04:50 · answer #5 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't walk away RUN!! You need a fresh start.. It will get better and there a lot of people in the world. Once you are relieved of the stress with your husband you will feel better. It will be hard at time but it will also get better! Then you will wonder "what took me so long?" Always remember you can not change a person you only can change your self!
2007-02-14 02:18:19 · answer #6 · answered by abadcv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very unsettling that you place any of the blame at *her* feet.
I would be more concerned that this horrible person had any sway whatsoever over my husband. How dare she become offended by *your husband* wanting to do things with *his wife.*
Sorry, but I'm not buying what your husband is selling...what a weinie.
Equally unsettling is that you didn't "judge" when you overheard part of an inappropriate conversation between your husband and *another woman.*
I know you've been sick, but don't add "sick-in-the-head" to your mix.
The problem here is that you are married to a liar and a cheat.
Boot the jerk until he grows up and takes responsibility for himself and his family.
Thank your mum for her care. Beg her to let you stay as long as possible.
2007-02-14 02:02:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, he called her abusive?
Wow, that's a pot calling another pot black.
He pushed you to a virtual breakdown... sounds abusive to me.
I'm glad you're living with your mom. If she can handle having your kids there with you for a little while, that's probably good.
However, since he was the cheater, you should kick him out of your house. (I suggest having some big burly friends in the wings, in case he gets angry and the kids should definately not be around when their mom kicks out their dad.)
The numbness... you probably just need some time to heal. You still feel love towards your kids, I think? So, for a little while focus on them, make sure that they're okay, and adjusting to the new situations.
2007-02-14 02:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by Sylvie M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ignore delia, but consider therapy to work on the emotional fallout whether you stay together or not.
I'm sorry, but men and women who knowingly help destroy others' families (or their own) are the lowest of the low. You'll have to decide if you agree and can stay with such a man.
2007-02-15 15:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by toplessone19700 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to have to deal with this
but I THINK you should take care of yourself before making any decission about your marriage
if he is the one paying the insurance for the family
go see a theraphy on his account since he is the one that cause you have the need for one
Be strong & Good luck
2007-02-14 02:04:13 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋