A few weeks ago the love of my life got very angry at my daughter's attitude one night and told us both that he's moving out. I was shocked and scared to death. I love him with all of my heart and the thought of him leaving makes me physically sick.
He has been kind and gentle over this time period and will stay until we can afford to split up, but I'm confused. Sometimes he talks about our mutual goals and geting a new home together and sometimes he's a little cold, but never unpleasant. In fact, I caught him crying over my picture out in the garage last week. We are sleeping together, but he comes to bed very very late and I have to get up at 6:00, so I have to go to bed by midnight. I don't know if he is avoiding the sex element or what. It's been a week today.
I was late home from work yesterday by almost an hour and he called my cell phone to see where I was. When I got home, he kissed me several times and was very sweet. But after watching a movie (more)
2007-02-14 01:48:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he went to take a bath and didn't come out of the bathroom until I was asleep. He then read out in the lving room until the wee hours before coming to bed and snuggling up to me for a minute.
This morning I left him a Valentine's Day card and some candy on my pillow as he was asleep when I left. I kissed him goodbye, but he didn't wake up. I left him a note in the card with my feelings of love for him and how desperately sad I feel about the thought of him leaving. Now I'm waiting for him to wake up and call me, but I don't know that he will. What do I do now? I really am desperate and miserable. I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do. He is a Vietnam vet with some PTSD issues and one of those issues is supposedly the inability to maintain relationships. He has been married a few times in the past and has had other relationships since, but I wonder if he has convinced himself that our relationship won't last and so he's making it end himself. What do I do?
2007-02-14 01:54:19 · update #1
I really think that it wasn't just because of your daughters attitude. There is more to it than that and he's just not saying. It makes me think that since he's not moving out right away, that it may be a ploy to shock you and your daughter, hoping that it will change her attitude.
It sounds like he's having too hard of a time separating himself from you in spite of trying. That's where he's giving you mixed signals.
As much as it may hurt you, I would give him a specific date to move out. March 1st...he should be able to find somewhere to live by then. It's not fair to you or your daughter that he keeps stringing you both along. Your daughter and you need a stable environment without all of the tension that this has caused.
Good luck, sweetie!
Ok, I read part 2. It sounds like neither of you are in your 20's. You're a little too old to be playing these types of games. He needs to either s*h*i*t or get off the pot...either stay or leave. If he wants to leave, then he needs to leave now. If he wants to stay, then get counseling and put this to rest. NO MORE GAMES!!
2007-02-14 02:02:43 · answer #1 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to focus on your daughter right now. Men come and go and the kids are always the ones to suffer. If your daughter doesn't normally have an attitude (and if you don't believe that she had an 'attitude' that evening) then he is just looking for excuses, anyway. He is either trying to drive a wedge between you and your child to control both of you or he is making up excuses to leave. Either way he isn't for your family. You and your daughter are a package deal.
I'm guessing he has been around for anywhere between 6 mos. and 2 yrs.? Chances are that 'in love' chemistry that he felt in the beginning is wearing off and he is ready to move on to his next victim. He probably does actually feel kind of bad about it. Some of that can be blamed on the PTSD but some of it is all him. He is using that as an excuse and a crutch. Unfortunately you already knew that when you took him in (or vice versa). His history speaks for itself.
2007-02-14 02:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by greyrider 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to find a way to leave. Stay out late a few more times. You will see a difference.
2007-02-14 01:53:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't really want to go, so maybe if during this time he is still in the home, u could get your child to mind, he might decide not to leave u. he is probably avoiding the sex, so as not to set himself up for more hurt if he doses have to leave u. just get it together with the kid, don't let the kid run the household and make the rules.
2007-02-14 01:55:47 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old is your daughter? If she is a teen don't let her ruin this for you. You need to parent her and be consistent so he sees that you care about your relationship with him. If she is a child then he is not the one for you.
2007-02-14 01:54:29 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋