How can I deal with my job-related stress?

Question

I'm not handling this well. I feel very condescended to by a few of my co-workers. So much so that I even got into a verbal tiff with one of them yesterday (and that is SO unlike me!). What can I do to get my feelings of stress under control???

Answer 1

There seems to be a lot of touchy feely responses to your question here, very cringe worthy actually.
Here's a reality check; the behaviour you describe is a form of bullying and abuse. That's it!
Doesn't need fluffy words or counselling or behaviour modification on your part.
Your co-workers have clearly never left the school playground. I would advise that you quietly and calmly tell the offender(s) that it is unacceptable behaviour, that they are actually placing their own employment in danger and that if it happens again you will take the matter further. (note the date and time that you do this).
If it does happen again; take it further. Advise a supervisor, in passing, as you head to the Human Resources Dept.
If the company has no such thing, then you need to submit a letter to the Director / Owner of the company. In your letter you must describe each incident factually and dispassionately and add that you expect something to be done within 7 days or you will take the matter further.
If nothing is done; take the matter further. If you do not know how to do this, then please feel free to email me at [e-mail] and I will advise you.
Above all, though, be calm, adult, unemotional, but firm. Do not back off.
If your MD is any good he will purge this attitude from his ranks. The offenders should at least be spoken to and warned off. Personally, I'd sack a dozen bully's instantly and absorb the cost of recruiting new people before I'd tolerate such rubbish.

Answer 2

Go to the person you had the tiff with yesterday and apologize for doing so explaining that it was so unlike you for doing so. Also mention to them that what you find offensive is the way that they make you feel when they say or do something like the situation that you are apologizing for. Perhaps they are unaware of just what they are doing when they make that statement or comment. It should sound something like the following. " I am sorry for coming down on you yesterday about the _______, but it really makes me feel put down when you say that I am __________. I hope that between the two of us we can work together in a positive manner. And once again I am sorry for being abrupt concerning that issue." If this doesn't do the trick at least you have told the person what they are doing that ticks you off. Should they continue to do so then perhaps you should go to a higher authority and explain the situation to them. Working with others is not always easy but it can be a much more friendly environment without condescending remarks directed toward any part of the team especially from those who are supposed to be co-workers solving a problem or bringing a job to fruition. Good luck.

Answer 3

Condescending: behaving toward other people in a way that shows you consider yourself socially or intellectually superior to them, especially when explaining or giving something. I seems according to your use of the word, that you probably are new to the job and more experienced employees around you are attempting to expand their own egos at your expense. Almost every job has a unique set of special skills and language specific to that job. As a new person, you are not quite into the full “jargon” and are still learning. It is natural that more experienced people would feel pretty special by using that as an advantage. Given time, you will pick up on that special job environment and will be giving it out to people who come to work as new employees. Just try to lean as fast as you can…to be the best employee you can. Try to listen more than talk (for now) and if someone tries to give you instruction on something you already know, just smile and take it in...you never know when someone might give you a hint that is better than the one you were given by someone else. Eventually, you will fit right in and will be recognized for the contributions you can offer to the overall goal of the group.

It is important for you to remember how stressed you were as a new employee so that you might be able to ease some future new person’s feelings later on.

As for the actual stress you are feeling right now…take as many breaks as possible…go outside or to some other part of the work environment just for a few minutes (if you can). Think of other things that are more pleasant. Use catch phrases that lighten the more stressful moment...”I’m a tree…I can bend” or “This too shall pass” or what ever you can conjure up to just get through the more “special” moments. Try to have as much fun as possible, and think of how much you are learning and how you can put that knowledge into being the best employee you can.

Answer 4

My advice is to only try to control the things you can control. You cannot control the inappropriate behavior of your co-workers. You can only control your reactions to that behavior. You know the tiff was out of character for you, so make it a one time thing. I really think this is more of a conflict problem than a stress problem. Once the conflict disappears, so will the stress.

Now, having said that, you may want to employ some conflict resolution strategies with your employer as a mediator (if you trust in his or her skills, sometimes they can be a big part of the problem). Either way, if you discuss this behavior, stick to specific behaviors vs. their character. Like, "When you said, ____ to me I was insulted because _____. This is the impact it had on our team's performance: _____________," instead of "Who do you think you are to talk to me that way? You always run me down, you're not so great..."

You get the point. If you speak to a person's actions rather than what you perceive their motivations or character to be, you can get past whatever it is--not to say you'll be best friends, but you'll at least be able to show up at work without dread. This works best with a good mediator to keep everyone following the 'attack the behavior not the person' rule. It will also only work if the person with whom you are dealing is a normal, reasonable person. If they aren't, it just can't be your problem because you can't reason with an unreasonable person.

Answer 5

First - deal with the stress. Stress is not something that happens to you, it is how you feel about what happens to you.
If you are in a stressful situation ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen?" and then improve on it. In your situation you can quit your job, go to work everyday feeling stressed or go to work happy and cheerful and let everyone else stress out about why they no longer bother you.
It is a very difficult thing to seperate yourself from your job but your job is not you. Especially if you dread going there. A couple of things that may help you -
1) Act as if; act as if everything is exactly perfect and convince yourself of that. When something happens that makes you start to stress, get away from it and think of something else or start a happy conversation with someone else immediately.
2) Do an asset check of what you bring to your job. List 10 reasons why you are absolutely the best person for your job. And read those to yourself every morning before work. Not when you get to work but on your way or before you leave home so you have time to think and reaffirm yourself.

Don't expect to be treated any better tomorrow or the next day or next week. And don't bother to point out to people their shortcomings by not respecting others. You can change the way people view you by maintaining your diginity and grace and presenting an image of class that demands respect. And giving respect shows that you are willing to accept respect. Also, dress for success - more professional, look like you are going to a meeting with your bosses boss. Don't be dragged into gossip discussions try to direct all conversations toward business, this takes the "personal" out of the office.

This can't be solved overnight but with the right attitude it can be overlooked until it goes away. Nothing frustrates ill willed or negative people more than killing them with kindness, they can't fight back. Sometimes being nice is just downright evil.

Answer 6

Well, for starters, you can realize that your job is not a crucial part of your life. People prone to condescending are usually very troubled, so however bad they make you feel is still less than the nightmare they live with and within 24/7. You could also change the job, but let's leave that as the last resort. Now, just because you may realize you're in a better position than the loser who are on your case, they don't have to stop acting rudely toward you. If that happens again, you should very calmly and politely - but infront of witnesses, if possible - tell them to "please be professional for a change and since you can't be polite, then do not talk to me unless it is about something strictly professional." An email along those lines would be good, too, because if they continue, you can file a complaint about their harrassment and show evidence that you tried to prevent the conflict. That should get their sorry azzes fired & leave you in peace.

Answer 7

As you can tell a stressed out person in the workplace is not a good thing both for the individual as well as the team he/she interacts with on a daily basis. Recently I chanced upon an article in TIME magazine about the 6 Lessons for Handling Stress - so here goes:

1. Remember to breathe
2. Stress alters your blood chemistry
3. You can't avoid Stress
4. Stress can age you before time
5. Stress is not an Equal Opportunity Employer
6. There is more then one way to relieve stress

I have found these lessons useful and hope you will too.

Thanks and good luck towards a stress-free life,

Tom

Answer 8

Even the best of jobs are usually made hell by the co-workers.
The "job" situation is very like a family one (minus trust, happiness, etc.) because you must see these people and interact with them daily for 8 hours for years, and then, must follow all sorts of rules and protocols in your interactions.
Even if you like your co-workers, the set-up of being an employee is a stressful, artificial one that puts you in a "slave" status, while forcing you to PRETEND you're doing every task happily and willingly.
People who work must deal with this, though. Working is a life-or-death issue, and usually there is no alternative.
Best thing to do is to pace yourself----you can't be perfect.
Stop feeling condescended to---even if you're objectively inferior in some way (and WHO ISN'T????-look at President Bush, and he's the President), you can't let others, or their imagined feelings affect you.
You need to work---it's money, you need it.
You can't be THAT inferior to anyone, because you are employed, and being paid money for being there.
Dwell on these realities, and let the rest go.....Money is very important to make your life better, and more independent. Don't sabotage your success as a worker by letting your feelings control what you do.

Answer 9

This is a good question. I have been thorugh similar situations, and have found that if I can remember a few things as I go through my day, I can minimize the impact others have on me.

1. No one can control how you feel. It is your emotional reaction to what others do that creates the stress.

2. You may be dealing with sick people. They may have other things going on in their lives that you are unaware of that are causing them to behave the way they do. Would you get into a fight with someone who has been hospitalized for an illness? What can you do to be helpful to them?

3. Take 5-10 minutes during times of stress to find a quiet place and meditate or pray. Do this even if you are not stressed. It will refresh and reinvigorate you so that you can handle the rest of your day.

4. Remember you are not responsible for other people's happiness. Do your best, treat others with respect, find ways to help those in need.

5. Take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep, excercise, and eat right.

These simple things will ensure that you are maintaining your mind, body and spirit. When these are in balance, the daily aggravations of life will be easier to manage.

Answer 10

There's an over the counter pill called RELACOR that works wonders. It's marketed as a diet pill, because it reduces stress, and lots of people only over eat because they're stressed out. I've been using it for a few months now and it's working wonders with my stress levels. I work for a very high stress company, supporting a vice President. I work very long hours and sometimes, the people aren't that nice. These pills have given me the extra help I'm needed to stay focused, not react to stressful situations, and stay calm. As a result, I've been getting all kinda of kudos at work. Give them a try. :)

As for your coworkers, if you really think this is valid, and not you over reacting, take it to a manager or someone whose opinion you trust. But if people are being condescending, the absolute LAST thing you want to do is fight with them about it. The more mature and aloof you can be, the better.