My mom has been with her husband for 10 years. About every other month for the entire 10 years relationship one of them has threatened divorce. Now (for the 7 millionth time) they have once again decided to get a divorce. A couple of days ago I talked to my mom and told her that I am not her marriage councelor and I she should not talk to me about her marital problems. She dealt with it great at first and didn't have her normal poor me attitude. This morning before I went to work I called her and she talked to me about her marital problems again, saying that she needs to talk to me about what is going on in her life and totally had the poor-me attitude. What should I/she do?
2007-02-14 01:24:17 · 16 answers · asked by funnyhaha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mother did this to me too, I eventually just had it out with her and told her I am a daughter not a best friend and her personal life is not something I wanted to know about. I told her I loved her as a mom but not as a best friend and she needed to talk with someone else because it made me uncomfortable. She was pissed and tried guilt but eventually stopped. It's the price you pay for sticking up for yourself. You need to though or it will mess you up. Good luck
2007-02-14 01:28:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Why is it that you don't want to be there for your mom to talk to about her marital problems? She obviously feels comfortable talking to you about it, maybe there isn't anyone else she feels close enough to talk to about it. Would you not want her to be there for you to talk to if you needed to. Maybe you should just tell her that she has been going through this for 10 years now and you think that the best thing for her to do is go ahead and get the divorce. It appears that there isn't alot of happiness in her marriage. Be there for her, she gave you life. If it were your best friend or your sister would you feel the same way? Would you not want to hear about their problems, and help them when they needed it? My suggestion is that you help your mother realize that the marriage doesn't seem like it is doing her any good and that her best bet is to go ahead and move on with her life. Once it is done, you won't have to hear about it anymore.
2007-02-14 01:34:01 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mother needs your support. You should encourage her to follow through with her threats of divorce or to stop threatening. I have been the same as your mother throughout my marriage, and once I realized the grief I was causing my own mother and friends by constantly complaining about the marriage and my plan of divorce, I decided to keep the problems to myself and now I am ready to go through with the divorce. However, it still hurts to not have someone to be there for me during such an emotionally damaging time.
2007-02-14 01:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by starrjellie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just change the subject. If she continues then tell her you have to go and hang up the phone. Make it clear to her that you know she is having problems but you are unable to give her the advise she needs. My daughters do the same with me, I don't need to hear the details of every thing said, I worry about them enough the way it is. My advise is to seek counseling for I don't know what to tell them is best to do, but I assure them I will stand behind them whatever they do decide to do.
2007-02-14 01:37:14 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could just let him know he offended you with his comment and you would prefer not to discuss anything racy ever again. I'm a fan of the straight to the point explanation. Not sure if he was trying to cheat, but he did offend you and if you two are friends he'd accept what you say and respect it. Then you could continue your friendship as colleagues. If not let it be his one time warning before you make a harassment claim against him.
2016-05-23 22:01:24 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be there for your mom she's close to you so she think's she can confide in you instead of a stranger . im having marital problems too my daughter says i need to talk and not bottle it in . i wish my mom was alive shes the only one i could trust to talk too but my mom died years ago when i was 18 from cancer be thankful she trusts you to advise her even though she may do what she wants anyway you can listen shes your only mother please don't turn her away
2007-02-14 01:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to help her find out all her problems, as annoying as it might be!, then ask a councelor about it and get answers from them to tell her. If she keeps on comiong back to you, you must be the one she really only wants to talk to!
2007-02-14 01:30:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to grow up. Your mom needs help, and it's not the kind you can give. she sounds like she needs her own time and space to grow as a person. Let her know that you love her as you do, but her marital issues are her own as long as the two of them are together.
2007-02-14 01:33:45 · answer #8 · answered by russell c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keep asserting yourself, and say, "Mom, I told you that this subject was off limits. I won't listen to it. I'm sorry that your in emotion upheaval, but you need to find someone more appropriate to vent to." If she continues talking about her marital problems say, "Mom, I love you. Good bye." Hang up.
2007-02-14 01:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to go to a counselor
You did right to tell her that you are not one
Be calm and unavailable for a talk or even an opinion about this
There is no right answer that you Her Child can give
2007-02-14 01:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋