I'm going through a divorce. My wife and I have 2 children, 6 and 2 years old. My wife and I plan to keep living in the same city after the divorce. My wife wants the children to live with her, and for them to stay with me every other weekend and one evening per week. I want shared custody, ie for the children to live one week with my wife and then one week with me. I believe that this would be better for the children, as they would have full relationships with both parents. My wife is completely against shared custody, as she thinks it will be too disruptive and hard for the children to have to go back and forth between two residences.
Can you give me your viewpoint on whether joint custody (one week with mom, one week with dad) is best for the children, and why?
Thank you,
Steven
2007-02-13 23:32:49 · 13 answers · asked by Steven S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My children are older (they were 8 & 11 when we first separated). We have joint custody. During the summer we switch every week. During the school year he gets them on the weekends because he lives about an hour away. It has worked out fine. Any type of custody arrangement is going to be an adjustment, but after awhile it seems normal to everyone. Your children may have a harder time with this arrangement just because of their ages, for a 2 year old, a week is a long time to be away from mommy. Think about what will make your children most happy and secure. It's not like you can't make adjustments to the arrangement as they get older.
2007-02-14 00:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by singleagain062005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience, shared custody is the worst for of custody for the children. They need to be in a stable environment, period. My ex and I had shared custody for a while of our 2 children, and they were constantly in a state of confusion. Like it has been said before, divorce is hard enough on children much less having to learn to deal with the switching back and forth with the parents. I know you want your children to be with you, but make the most of the time you would have them with joint custody. Make that time special with them. Do things they like to do. I'm not saying buy them things, just spend quality time with them and they will remember those times more than anything.
2007-02-14 00:42:04 · answer #2 · answered by ladybugg0224 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a lot of bouncing around for children so young. It wouldnt be confusing because your both the parents but I think that type of relationship would work best with older children. I dont like the every other weekend and one evening deal either. Its not enough time to say the kids are so young they should see you more often than the wife's suggestion. If the kids seem to tolerate the week per week I say fine but you would have to test that out. I commend you for actually wanting to spend so much time with your kids. MOST dads would jump at the ev other weekend and one evening a week. Agree to what the kids can tolerate and whats fair to BOTH parents. G'luck!
2007-02-13 23:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe that going from house to house is disruptive. I certainly understand that you want to see your children as much as you can, but I actually think it makes it more difficult on the children. My brother-in-law had the same type of joint custody that mention. It was very hard on the children. He now has full custody and the children are much better. Children need a structured environment....I know this is hard for you, but sometimes you have to put the needs of the children first.
2007-02-13 23:39:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm a child from a divorce parents. Believe me, divorce is a thing that is too complicated for children to understand especially when they are as young as your children. Even going back to me father every weekends and public holidays used to confuse me when I was younger, what's more every alternate week like you suggested. I don't think parents should be blame for the divorce but is it fair for the children to be moving around every week when divorce is beyond their control? It will be a total confusion for your children. You and your ex-wife will have a definite place to stay without having to move around but not your children. Full relationships doesn't come from staying with one of you every alternate weeks but instead join them in their special events in be it their school or personal activities and how much concern you had for their feelings going through this difficult and confusing time of their life.
2007-02-13 23:42:47 · answer #5 · answered by Lyya Z 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best way to answer this is to ask you one back. If you were that age how do you think you would feel with all that back and forth stuff? A child especially one in those age groups need stability. By that I mean they need to spend the majority of the time in one place with as little swapping back and forth as possible. They could lose their sense of security with one week here and one there. Maybe you could work something out better suited for the children.
2007-02-14 02:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is selfish, and I see why you are not staying together. She is against your form of custody, because in most states, child support will not be ordered in that situation. If you do it her way, it will likely result in her getting child support.
It isn't disruptive to the children. It allows them to spend time with each parent equally. Children adapt very well to these matters. What they do not adapt to is two fighting parents.
Stand your ground on this one. She is likely after the money, not more time with the kids.
2007-02-13 23:48:14 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I agree with your ex it is very disruptive for the children to move every week to a different place. Its hard for them it really is. I do understand your desire to spend as much time as possible with the kids but one week here and one week there is too hard. Especially for the 6 year old who has school.
2007-02-14 00:39:48 · answer #8 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm female and divorced. I don't think a dad can be a dad every other weekend and one day during the week. My ex and I shared custody and our son is a better person for it. You deserve joint custody.
2007-02-14 00:39:23 · answer #9 · answered by Sally 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow that would so messy the kids up they need structure and so bouncing them around like that would mess with there minds they should live in one home and visit the other on weekend or whatever but back and forth one week then the next in an other place holly crap are u seriously considering this think about the kids not you. I dont want to sound mean but its true
2007-02-13 23:47:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋